


domestic life was never quite my style

by lafbaeyette



Series: domestic life [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, New Dad John Laurens, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, so buckle up, this will become the story of the revolutionary quartet raising a child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:11:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6330556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafbaeyette/pseuds/lafbaeyette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Laurens had no idea what to expect. He hadn’t anticipated a drunken, nearly forgotten and entirely regretted, night in college to come back and bite him in the ass so hard, or so fast. He had only been out of med school for a year, he was just finishing his first year of residency and getting used to being entirely on his own in the world — just as he was beginning to fall into this chaotic rhythm that made up his life, the universe changes the key. </p><p>--</p><p>John Laurens is suddenly the father of a five year old, which is terrifying until he realizes there are people he can rely on. Based off <a href="http://hamiltonprompts.tumblr.com/post/141438684344/modern-au-with-single-dad-laurens-got-custody-of"> this prompt </a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you cried and it broke my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Damn Pip, back at it again with those new fics. 
> 
> No, I'm so sorry I subjected you all to that, please come back... let's start over. I saw this prompt on Tumblr, calling for a Modern AU Lams with single dad Laurens and it spoke to me. So I wrote it. Also, this is the first time in a while I've written something not strictly fluffy, so here's hoping I did it right. 
> 
> I've already got the next few chapters planned out, and tbh I'm excited to write this. I hope you all enjoy it, too.

John Laurens had no idea what to expect. He hadn’t anticipated a drunken, nearly forgotten and entirely regretted, night in college to come back and bite him in the ass so hard, or so fast. He had only been out of med school for a year, he was just finishing his first year of residency and getting used to being entirely on his own in the world —  well. 

John had been alone for years now, after being disowned by his father just after he got his undergrad degree, though he had a few friends here and there. Only two ever really stuck, Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan. They had met John’s third year of undergrad and he lived with the two through most of grad school — thankful for the emotional and partial-financial support after losing his family _and_ funding for school. He moved out after he started his residency, finding a small, affordable apartment closer to the hospital. It just made sense to him, he spent long hours at the hospital and he was grateful for the fifteen minute walk rather than the forty minute train ride he faced before. Lafayette and Hercules were still the closest friends John had, despite seeing them significantly less since beginning to work at the hospital. They still got together to go out for drinks every so often, they were always much needed breaks from John’s hectic schedule.

And just as he was beginning to fall into this chaotic rhythm that made up his life — the universe changed the key. 

“John Laurens?” 

John blinked, rubbing at his tired eyes as he tried to focus on the woman standing in his doorway. He glanced at a clock across the room, the hands confusing him in his tired haze before he made out the time. It was barely past three in the afternoon, he hadn’t meant to sleep in so late, but he also hadn’t meant to spend an extra three hours at the hospital last night. The woman cleared her throat and John’s eyes snapped back to her, he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Uh, y-yeah, that’s me. Sorry, I, uh, worked late, still waking up,” he tried to brush it off with a laugh, but her pointed look did not appear the least bit amused. She thrust a manila envelope out to him. 

“Sorry for waking you, Mr. Laurens, but I’m here from the Department of Family Services,” her tone was sharp, piercing through John’s chest and knocking his heart into his stomach. Family Services? John didn’t even have a family anymore, what could this possibly be about? Had his father sent someone to—? To what? What more could that man possibly do to him? Or worse — had something happened to his siblings? And this was how he was going to find out? Not from his father, but through some social services agent? John’s head began to spin, confused and overwhelmed as he gave her what he assumed was a questioning look, but the answer he finally received shocked him even more than what he was mentally preparing himself to hear. “I’m here about your daughter.” 

John had to grip the doorframe, his knees feeling weak and his stomach dropping. _Daughter?_ The woman’s strict, all-business demeanor faltered as his reaction earned him a concerned look. “Mr. Laurens?” 

“M-my… _daughter_?” John managed, his voice weak even to his own ears. There had to be a mistake somewhere, he couldn’t possibly have a _daughter_. He was gay, he had known that since — since the night he truly put himself to a test in the beginning of third year. That night was still a blur of shots, flirtatious glances, and _more_ shots to force himself to keep up the flirtations. He had felt sick for a week afterwards, made it a point to _not_ return any of the texts or phone calls. He barely left his room, frustrated and pissed at himself, unsure if it was because he had used that poor woman just to test his own sexuality — or because he certainly  _knew_ his own sexuality now. John couldn’t even remember her _name_ — 

“—Martha Manning passed away, her final request was that Frances stays with you.” John finally honed back in on the social worker’s words at the name, _Martha Manning_. Of course. He hadn’t even known she had gotten _pregnant_ , he had a fling with a woman _once_ and now he had a daughter? “Mr. Laurens?” 

“I-I’m… I’m sorry,” he took a long, steadying breath and looked back up at the woman. 

“I take it… you were unaware of Martha and Frances?” The woman questioned, the sharp tone stripped from her words now. They fell much gentler on John’s ears. 

“You could say that,” he breathed. “I’m sorry, I just… I haven’t heard from her— Martha, in… and she’s… she… passed away? What happened?” 

“She had been ill for a long time, heart complications run in her family — which is important to know, if you would like to fulfill her final wishes and take custody of Frances.” 

“What happens if I don’t? I— uh, does she have any other family?” 

The woman shook her head sadly, “Unfortunately, you are the last living kin. Ms. Manning’s immediate family are gone as well. Frances has been in the hands of Child Services since her mother’s passing, and remaining in the system is, of course, an option. She would be placed with a foster famil—”

“No, no, that’s—” John broke off, suddenly unsure what the right decision here should be. He glanced around his small apartment, the living room messy, with clothes and dishes scattered everywhere. He had barely gained a control over his own life, should he really add the responsibility of a _child_  into this mess? But the idea of _his_ daughter… his own flesh and blood, potentially the only one he would ever have, put into foster care — all the horror stories he had heard, foster families that weren’t actually fit to be raising the children. John rolled his shoulders back, straightening his posture and shaking his head more firmly. “No, that won’t be necessary. I… I can take her, I’ll take care of her, um… what do I need to do next?” 

* * *

 

Frances was undeniably John’s daughter. Her dark locks fell past her shoulders in ringlets that matched his own, her green eyes set deep past the sprinkling of freckles over her cheeks. John had called his boss to explain the situation as best he could, asking for an early vacation so he could have the week to help Frances settle. He would lose a week’s pay, but at this point making sure this transition was as painless as possible for his daughter — _daughter_ , that still felt strange to him — was his top priority. 

Frances sat on the couch, freshly cleaned and for the first time in months devoid of dirty laundry, as John paced the floor in front of her. John had cleaned up considerably before picking up Frances, having finally gotten all of the paper work settled and officially having full custody of the girl. Frances was five now — six in January, he had been told — which meant he was soon going to have to begin looking into schools in the area, get Frances enrolled in kindergarten next year. It was all suddenly very overwhelming, as he made and re-made list after list of everything he needed to do for her. 

“John?” Frances’s voice was small but made John stop in his tracks, turning to face the girl who now looked up at him with wide, shining eyes. He realized he must have been making her nervous, he was making _himself_  nervous, and he had heard that children were very perceptive on moods. John knelt down in front of the couch, trying to put on the kindest smile he could manage. 

“Yes, sweetie?” 

Frances pursed her lips, and John found himself wondering absently if that was a trait picked up from her mother. The girl finally spoke again, and her soft-spoken words threatened to break John’s heart, “If you’re my daddy… why don’t I know you?” 

John glanced away, feeling his chest constrict and his own eyes begin to burn with tears. It was quite the question, and he felt guilty that she needed to ask it. He had felt guilty since the social worker showed up and informed him that he had a daughter, that he had abandoned a perfectly kind young lady after getting her pregnant — and he couldn’t possibly imagine _why_ that woman had been insistent on John getting custody after her death. He wasn’t sure how to answer, whether or not to sugar coat it, but he had made a vow to himself long ago that he would never lie to or deceive his own children like his father had done. John sighed, reaching out and taking Frances’s small hand into his own, hoping it was comforting. 

“Well… Frances…” he started, broke off again with a sigh. “Your mom and I… didn’t really know each other very well…. Which I feel very bad about…” 

Frances’s frown deepened as she looked into John’s eyes, her own becoming misty with tears as her bottom lip began to tremble. “I miss her…” Her voice shook and John didn’t even think before he moved onto the couch, wrapping the girl in his arms and pulling her into his lap. She buried her face in his chest as he rubbed a hand over her back, which was beginning to shake as she cried.

“Shh… I know, honey…” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, running a hand gently through her hair, repeating motion for motion what he could remember his mother doing to calm him down when he was younger. The thought made his chest constrict once again, he hadn’t thought of his own mother in a long time, and he was suddenly overcome with the sense of loss all over again, realizing that this was what his five year old daughter was going through. He squeezed her that much closer. 

The rest of the week passed with more than one outburst of tears from the two of them, and John trying to figure out the best way to take care of this little girl that had already been through too much. 

* * *

“You have a  _what_ ?  _Laurens! Tu as un enfant?!_ ” Lafayette screeched through the receiver. John held his phone away from his ear a bit, looking down at the small form curled against his chest, body rising and falling in even breaths as she slept. 

“Yes,” John breathed, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb her. “I- It’s a long story, Laf, but… Look, I took a week off work to try to make this transition as easy as possible for her, but I can’t miss anymore and I… I need someone to watch her tonight. Um, maybe… maybe for a few nights, while I figure out how to—”

“Say no more, _mon ami_!” Lafayette chirped. “Of course, I fully expect you to explain this to me sooner rather than later, but I am always here for you. What time do you work tonight? What does she like? Should Herc and I bake her some cookies? Oh, I’m so excited, _je suis un oncle_!”

John couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s reaction, relieved that he wasn’t upset, and that he was so willing to help John out. Maybe John wasn’t as alone as he thought, and for a moment he felt hopeful that he could definitely pull this off, his eyes slipping back down to watch his five year old, face serene and happy as she dozed. 

* * *

 

Frances hid behind John’s leg as the Frenchman _danced_ into the room, a large covered dish in his arms. John looked down at his daughter, her dark curls messy and perfect for hiding behind as an even taller, broader man came in behind the first. John reached down, taking her into his arms and resting her on his hip where she hid her face in his shoulder. John rubbed her shoulder gently, trying to urge her freckled face out of hiding. 

“Frances, I want you to meet two of my best friends,” John said gently. “They’re going to stay with you while I go to work, okay?” 

Frances peeked out from beneath her mop of hair as Lafayette and Hercules approached the two. John hated that he had to leave her already, it had only been a week and he didn’t want to just throw her to two entirely new people, but he knew it was necessary so he could continue to provide for her. “Frances, this is Lafayette and Hercules.” He leaned his head closer to whisper conspiratorially to the girl, a smile over his lips, “I know they act kind of weird, but I promise they’re really nice.” The girl giggled and Lafayette absolutely beamed at her. 

“ _Bonjour, cheri_ ,” he held his hand out to the young girl and she reached for it hesitantly, her nervous look exchanged for a bright smile as he kissed the back of her hand. “I cannot wait to spend the evening with you, Frances.” 

Frances smiled a little wider before pointing to the pan in Lafayette’s hands, raising her eyebrows in question. Lafayette chuckled. 

“Those would be Hercules’s world famous chocolate chip cookies,” Hercules interjected, stepping up next to the Frenchman and smiling at the little girl. “And I happen to be Hercules.” 

“L-like the movie?” Frances squeaked out, looking at the tall man with wide eyes. Hercules chuckled. 

“The very same one, only I didn’t get a cool pegasus,” Hercules pouted and Frances giggled behind her hand. John grinned, relief flooding through his system at how well it already seemed to be going between his friends and his daughter. 

“Hey, Frances, did you know that Hercules makes clothes for a living?” John said, and Frances gasped, looking up at him. “Mhm, you said you wanted to make your dolls some clothes, right? Why don’t you go show Hercules the fabric we bought and maybe he can help you with that?” 

Frances basically wiggled out of John’s arms, grabbing Hercules’s hand and pulling at his arm until he followed her toward the bedroom — it now served as a bedroom for both of them until John found somewhere a little bigger, but Frances didn’t seem to mind not having her own room that much. John turned to Lafayette, taking the pan from his hands and moving toward the kitchen, sitting it on the counter and not even having the time to face his friend again before questions were being fired his way.

“So, John, how did you suddenly acquire a six year old?” Lafayette questioned, arms crossed over his chest as he lifted a brow. John avoided his eyes, wringing his hands together. 

“She's actually five. I… like I said, Laf, it’s a long story,” he sighed. “But what’s important is that, no, I have not been hiding her existence, you found out a week after I did. And… she just lost her mother, and now has to live with this strange man that happens to be her absent father, so she’s been going through a lot.” 

Lafayette seemed to consider this information for a very long moment before nodding slowly, accepting it, though John knew it was only for the time being. Lafayette leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to John’s cheek, “Well, whenever you’re ready to share that long story I am all ears. For now, you should head to work, _mon ami_. We will take good care of Frances.” 

“Great,” John grabbed a bag from the counter, slinging it over his shoulder as he headed out, calling over his shoulder, “Thank you so much, again.” 

Frances and Hercules had returned to the living room and settled in on the couch, Hercules going through some of the fabric John had bought after Frances expressed the desire to make clothes for the dolls she had brought with her. John leaned down and pressed a kiss to Frances’s forehead. “Be good for Lafayette and Hercules, okay, Frances? I’ll be back late tonight, so they’ll tuck you in.” 

Frances nodded, but reached out to grip John’s sleeve before he could move away. “Where are you going?” 

“I’m going to work, honey,” he told her gently, taking the hand that had curled tightly into the fabric of John’s shirt sleeve. “It’s okay, I’ll be back tonight.” Frances nodded again, dropping her eyes to the couch. John frowned. “What’s wrong?” 

“Before mommy always left,” Frances started under her breath, so quiet John could just barely make it out. “She said ‘I love you’. Mommy always said it was important to, just in case…” John felt his eyes getting teary again as he leaned in and pressed another kiss to Frances’s forehead. 

“I love you, Frances,” he said quietly to the girl. “I’ll be back before you wake up, I promise.” 

Lafayette and Hercules watched the exchange, feeling like they were interrupting a private moment. Neither of them knew what to think when John told them he had a daughter, but of course they were going to jump at the chance to help him out however they could. John worked long hours and they were sure that wasn't going to change, and if Lafayette were being honest, the small Laurens had already begun to grow on him as he watched her and Hercules begin making doll's clothes after John had finally left. 

* * *

 

John leaned heavily against the counter, resting his head on his arms as he stifled a wide yawn. The ER was fairly quiet, something John was thankful for tonight. It was his first night back, and after the chaos of suddenly getting a daughter, John wasn't sure he was ready for the chaos that was expected in the ER. A couple came in complaining of sore throats, a young girl with an ear infection, and a man who had cut his hand on a potato peeler. They were all easily handled, and now as it was nearing 11 at night, John thought he might be getting off with an easy shift. Until the ER doors swung open, two women storming in with a man held up between them. 

"We need a doctor!" One of the women called, wild brown eyes looking about. The other just rolled her eyes, making eye contact with John a second later and he pushed himself from behind the desk and approached them. 

"What's wrong?" He questioned, looking at the man between them. His head drooped, dark locks falling into his face as he mumbled something incoherently. John guided the three toward a wheel chair, where they could sit the man down gently. The taller girl was the first to actually answer his question, the one that didn't seem concerned at all. 

"I'm pretty sure he's just dehydrated... And sleep deprived." She said. The man mumbled again, this time turning his head up to look at her with a set glare. John couldn't help but notice the intense dark eyes, and imagined that under different circumstances, when he looked less of a mess, the man would be fairly attractive. 

"What was that, Alexander?" The woman challenged. The man just dropped his head back down and the woman looked back to John. “This happens every so often, they were beginning to get familiar with us around here — It’s been a few months this time, though.” 

“This is a common thing?” John asked, shocked. The man sighed, turning his face up to look at John, shaking his head a little. 

“I tried to tell them not to bring me,” he started, voice dry. “Just give me an IV and let me be on my way, I was in the middle of a very important—”

“Your _health_  is more important, Alex,” the shorter girl insisted, running a hand through his hair. He rolled his eyes and John watched the exchange for a moment, his mind slowly processing the entire scene before he jumped back into doctor mode. “Alright, I need one of you to fill out some paperwork, we’ll go ahead and move you into a room… Alex?” 

“Alexander Hamilton,” the man replied, furrowing his brows. “Are you new? How do you not know me?” 

“Alex, it’s actually relieving that it’s been so long since you’ve been in here someone doesn’t know you,” the taller woman said as she took the paperwork from John’s hands, then continued to John, “I’m sorry, he’s probably going to be a pain.” 

“Are you two family?” John asked, looking between the women. 

“The closest he’s got,” she replied. “I’m Angelica Schuyler, that’s my sister, Eliza.” John nodded, grabbing the handles of the chair and pushing Alexander down the hall, finding a nurse along the way to help him settle Alexander in and begin treating him. 

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Alexander was set up in a bed, IV in place and already appearing to feel better. John insisted he stay overnight, much to Eliza and Angelica’s relief and they promised to return in the morning before excusing themselves. Alexander watched them leave, a sad look in his eye, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared and he looked up to John. 

“So, what’s the prognosis, doc?” He questioned, a teasing smile over his lips. John looked over his chart, brow furrowed as he remembered what Angelica had told him earlier.  _“This happens every so often…”_

“You’ll be fine after getting some fluids in your body and a night of rest,” John assured him, placing the chart to the side and looking down at the man curiously. “Though you were alarmingly dehydrated, how much water do you drink a day?” 

Alexander pursed his lips, glancing off to the side as he thought over the question. John watched him expectantly until he finally spoke, “How much water is in coffee?” John’s eyebrows shot up. 

“Seriously? Do you not drink any?” Alexander shrugged half-heartedly, not meeting John’s eyes. “Alright, well, when’s the last time you ate anything?” 

Alexander was silent for another long moment and John let out a heavy sigh, not even bothering to wait for him to find the answer before he excused himself. John made his way back down the hall to the front desk, greeting one of his co-workers shortly as he grabbed his bag and re-treated back to Alexander’s room. 

“Do you like egg salad?” John asked as he pulled a sandwich out of the bag, handing half to Alexander. Alexander began to shake his head. 

“No, I’m really not hungry—” he tried to argue, but John thrust the food into Alexander’s hands. 

“You’re dehydrated, sleep deprived, and probably starving. Doctor’s orders, eat the sandwich before I give you something to knock you out so you actually rest.” 

Alexander took the sandwich reluctantly, taking a bite and humming as he looked down at it in surprise. After swallowing the bite he murmured, impressed, “Hospital food usually sucks, you’ve really stepped up your game.” 

“Oh, no, hospital food still sucks,” John laughed. “That’s home made.” Alexander stopped mid-bite. 

“What? Did you just give me your food? No, Dr. Lau—” John nudged Alexander’s hand, pushing the sandwich back toward his mouth. 

“It’s fine. Unlike you, I’ve eaten in recent memory,” he insisted. “I just didn’t feel like waiting to get anything sent up to you, you need to eat something and get some rest.”

Alexander took another cautious bite, and John wasn’t sure if he accepted the excuse, but he continued to eat the sandwich. After a few moments of silence, fiddling around with the IV bags and Alexander’s chart, John settled into the chair beside his bed. 

“So, what is all of this important work that’s been preventing you from regularly sleeping and eating?” And that was just the question, Alexander’s face lit up as he quickly swallowed his bite and started telling John about what he does for a living. Writing essays and articles freelance, all while helping to run some other not for profit   for the arts for children in foster care — that hit John strangely, as his mind jumped back to Frances, maybe it wouldn’t have been bad for her to be put into foster care. He shook the thought from his mind, listening to Alexander again as he told John about one of his ‘rivals’, “Thomas Jefferson, truly, one of the worst people in the _world_. He just spouts off with whatever he wants, and it’s like he doesn’t even realize how _wrong_  he is! So, of course, I have to tell him.” Alexander had seemed caught between telling John all of this and continuing to eat his sandwich, before finally ditching all basic manners and covering his mouth as he talked through mouthfuls. 

“ _John!”_

The cry cut Alexander off mid-sentence and caught John by surprise, his head whipping around just as Lafayette’s face appeared around the doorframe. John apologized to Alexander, promising to return in just a moment before he stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind him. 

“Laf, what’s up? What’s wrong? Is Frances okay?” He looked around, for any sign of the girl, before looking back to Lafayette’s face, eyes full of concern. His questions were answered a moment later as another cry rang down the hall, a more muffled, sobbed version of his name, and suddenly he had a five year old crying into his left pant leg. John picked her up immediately, rubbing her back and letting her bury her face into the shoulder of his scrubs. 

“She had a nightmare,” Lafayette explained, watching the girl with sad eyes. “She wouldn’t go back to bed, and—”

“She wanted to see you to make sure you were okay,” Hercules finished. “Sorry, it was my idea, I—”

John shook his head, rocking back and forth gently with Frances in his arms. “No, no, it’s alright, guys. I should have already been home by now.” He tilted his face down to look at the girl in his arms, dropping a kiss to her forehead and trying to soothe her. “Shh, hey, look, baby girl, I’m alright. Everything’s just fine, okay?” Frances didn’t lift her head, just tightened her arms around John’s neck and buried her face deeper into the blue fabric, growing wet from her tears. “Hey, Frances, I just need to finish up with this patient and then I can leave. Do you want to sit with Lafayette while I go back in there?” The little girl’s head shook violently, another sob breaking from her chest as she tried to worm even closer into John’s arms. John nodded, letting out a soft sigh and looking back up at Lafayette and Hercules. “Thanks for watching her, y’all, I think I’ve got it now.” 

“Are you sure?” Lafayette asked, looking between his friend and the little girl in his arms. John nodded. 

“Yeah, like I said, I just need to finish up with this patient, then I’ll be headed home. No reason Frances can’t help me with that,” he tried to smile at the little girl, but she still wouldn’t lift her head. He shot a tired smile to his friends. “Thank you, really. I owe you guys.”

“ _Non_ , don’t worry about it, _mon ami_ ,” Lafayette stepped closer to press a kiss to John’s cheek and ran a hand through Frances’s curls. “We’re here whenever you need us.” As the two moved back down the hallway, John reached up a hand to lift the girl’s head, brushing his thumb across her tear-stained cheeks and meeting her red-rimmed eyes. 

“Hey, there, feeling any better now? What got you so scared, baby girl?” He asked her gently. Frances’s lower lip trembled as her eyes began to well with tears again, her voice shaky and small as she answered. 

“I had a bad dream… and you were gone, too…” She dropped her face into his shoulder again, sniffling, and John rubbed her back gently, rocking side to side. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Frances, it was just a dream,” he spoke gently, trying to be as soothing as he could. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Frances nodded slowly, tucking her head underneath John’s chin, and John smiled slowly. He had been nervous about what would happen when he had Frances, afraid that she wouldn’t like him, or that he wouldn’t be able to make her feel any better. Frances had latched onto him quickly, though, and he felt guilty that he had to start going back to work again, leaving her alone for hours. There had to be something he could work out, but that was for another time. John looked back at the door behind him before returning his focus to Frances. 

“Okay, honey, I’ve still got to finish up with this one patient, you wanna help me out?” He asked her. The little girl nodded slowly, but kept her face buried in his neck. 

John turned back into the room, finding Alexander propped up in bed and typing furiously into his phone. He had finished the sandwich, the crusts set off on his bedside table. 

“I figured you would have knocked out by now,” John announced as he resettled Frances onto his hip, holding her with one arm around her waist so he could grab Alexander’s clipboard with the other. Alexander didn’t look up from his phone, tongue poking out from between his lips in concentration and John couldn’t help but think about how adorable that was. 

“If I sleep, then who is going to tell Jefferson how wrong he is via Twitter?” Alexander asked, far too seriously. John laughed, which finally caught Alexander’s attention and he looked over at the man, surprised by the new addition of small child on his hip. 

“They are just hiring those nurses younger and younger,” Alexander muttered, winning another laugh from John and a giggle from the little girl. Alexander smiled at the reaction, dropping his phone to his lap. “Who is this?” 

“This is my daughter, Frances,” John answered. “This is probably breaking several different rules, so I’m sorry, but—”

“No, you’re fine. I won’t tell anyone, promise,” Alexander’s tone had changed slightly and John looked back at the man, did he look — disappointed? “Does your wife work late, too?” John smiled ruefully, looking down at Frances as he shook his head. 

“No, just me—”

“John’s my daddy and he takes care of me now,” Frances supplied, reaching out to grab the bottom of John’s shirt. John smiled down at her, ruffling her hair. 

“Yeah,” John’s voice threatened to break as a wave of emotion hit him, he wasn’t entirely sure if it was sheer exhaustion from a full work shift or residual feeling from a moment ago. He felt his eyes well up as he looked down at his daughter and shook his head, trying to nonchalantly wipe the wetness away as he moved to mark some things down onto Alexander’s board. He grabbed a small, plastic cup he had sat on one of the bedside tables earlier and held it out to Alexander. “I’m giving you some low-grade sleeping pills to ensure you _actually_ rest tonight, Angelica told me that you had some trouble with that.” 

“I really don’t need those,” Alexander tried to wave them away but John reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder. Alexander looked up to meet tired eyes, almost pleading with him, and he reluctantly held out his hand for John to put the medicine into. “Fine.” 

“Thank you.” John stepped away as Alexander swallowed the pills, making a show of opening his mouth to prove that he had in fact taken the medicine and earning another chuckle from John as the doctor finished writing on Alexander’s chart and placed it at the foot of his bed. “Get some rest, they’ll release you in the morning, your friends said they’d be back to pick you up. And, please, try to eat and drink water regularly to prevent this from happening again.” 

“I can’t say I regret it after meeting a cute doctor out of it,” Alexander muttered before he realized what he was saying. He felt his face heat up as he looked up at John, taking in the blush that had risen beneath the other male’s freckled cheeks. John cleared his throat, straightening his scrubs as he moved over to his daughter — _his_ daughter, _Alexander, usually conceived through_ heterosexual _sex—_

“Well, it certainly would have been more pleasant to meet under different circumstances,” John replied as he lifted his daughter into his arms. Alexander’s brows show up, unsure if that could be interpreted the way he wanted to at the moment. John offered nothing further, giving him a gentle smile. “Goodnight, Alexander.” 

Frances offered the man a wave, which he returned as the two left the room. Alexander still felt mildly annoyed that he was here to begin with, he had told Eliza he was _fine_ , he didn’t need to go to the hospital, but once he lost consciousness for a few seconds the two sisters had gotten far too worried. Not all bad things came out of it, at least, and he thought over Dr. Laurens’s words repeatedly, trying to discern some secret meaning from within them, until the medicine he had taken finally kicked in and, for the first time in far too long, Alexander fell into a restful sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you leave me kudos and comments, I get happier than when my cats on neko atsume leave me gold fish. Don't you want to see a woman that happy?
> 
> If you wanna yell at me on Tumblr, you can find me here: @hypeulesnochilligan
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~ Pip


	2. i'm dedicating every day to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's trying to figure out fatherhood, and Alex is trying to figure out John. (Laf is just here for the cute kid if we're being honest.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than the last chapter, we're still setting some things up but everything will keep moving I promise. 
> 
> I don't write kids often, I don't think I've ever written a five year old, so my apologies, I hope you like her? I'm actually basing Frances off of my younger sister a lot, who just seemed really strangely aware for a little kid. She still is, she's only nine but some of the things that come out of her mouth catch me off guard. 
> 
> Meant to have this up yesterday, but I ended up not writing at all on Wednesday because it was a crazy day and I finally got to see Hamilton (yes, i'm still screaming) but I'm finally here and I have the next few chapters planned out so hopefully I can keep a semi-decent update schedule? 
> 
> With all of that said, grab your favorite pillow/stuffed animal/pet/person, snuggle up and enjoy this chapter, my dears!

One thing John had learned quickly about being a parent was that sleep became even more of a luxury. He expected a five year old to sleep soundly through the night, and even well into the next day, but Frances seemed to have an internal alarm clock set even earlier John's phone alarm. He was pulled from his dreamless sleep by a repetitive pressure against his cheek, then slowly became aware of the weight leaning over his side. He cracked an eye open, Frances's freckled face hovering over his own, her green eyes bright and curious. He let out a loud yawn, causing the girl to lean back and put her hand over his mouth. 

"Your mouth stinks," she mumbled, still not moving her hand as he laughed beneath it. John kissed the palm of her hand, taking her wrist and pulling it away as he dug in the sheets for his phone with his other hand. Frances, seeming pleased to have gotten John up, laid her head down on his chest as he unlocked his phone and checked the time. 

"How do you always wake up so early?" He questioned, voice rough from sleep, running his hand absently through her tangled hair. As if on cue, Frances’s stomach rumbled and she sat up once again, grabbing John’s hand and tugging at it. 

"'m hungry. Pancakes?" 

And that is how John ended up stirring together what he hoped were the ingredients to a decent pancake batter at seven-thirty in the morning on a Tuesday. It was the earliest he could remember being awake in a while and he couldn't help but yawn every few minutes, waiting for the mug of coffee he was working on to kick in. Frances sat on the counter, watching John stir the batter, enraptured by the whole process. Once he pulled the chocolate chips from the cabinet, which he was surprised he still had, she clapped her hands together and started bouncing excitedly. John chuckled at the sight, feeling a tug in his chest as he watched the girl's reaction. Frances was definitely getting more comfortable, which John was glad to see. She didn’t walk around shyly anymore, finding the apartment to be her home, too, and confidently throwing herself over John’s lap when she wanted a hug. 

That was another thing that John had quickly learned, Frances craved affection. He couldn't blame her, after everything that had happened in just the past few months and at only five years old, he was just glad she wasn't shy with her wants or needs. And if John was being honest, he learned that he enjoyed the affection just as much. Feeling her short arms wrap around his neck, holding her close as she burrowed into his chest, it was comforting in an entirely new way. He felt needed, he felt like he was helping her, keeping her safe. He felt _useful_. 

John had lost himself in his thoughts, following the familiar motions of pouring the pancake batter onto the pan and flipping three pancakes onto a plate before Frances spoke up and brought his attention back, "Do you have a new mommy for me?"

John furrowed his brows, dropping the pancake on his spatula rather than the graceful flip he’d been going for in his surprise. “What do you mean, baby girl?"

Frances shrugged her shoulders, wrapping her arms around herself as she watched John. "When the daddy next door left, his little girl Becca told me he found her a new mommy. Is that why you left my mommy? To find me a new one?" 

John chewed at the corner of his lip, dropping his eyes back to the pan as he started another pancake. Frances watched him expectantly and John finally shook his head, "No, sweetheart. Your mom and I just weren't a good match, that's why I left." It wasn't a lie, and it wasn't like Frances would even understand the full truth if he were to tell her. John turned the stove off, placing the last pancake on a plate before grabbing the bottle of syrup and moving both plates and syrup to the small table he had in the kitchen. He turned back to pick Frances up from the counter, where her words caused him pause once more. 

"Are me and you a good match?" She asked, her eyes  meeting his with a shimmer of hope, the question a five year old probably didn't even know how to ask apparent in the way she looked at him. 'Will you leave me, too?' John gave her a bright smile, kissing her forehead before picking her up and moving her over to the table. 

"We are the perfect match, Frances," he answered, the words a promise. He was committed, Frances was his top priority now, and nothing was going to come in the way of her well-being. He sat in the chair next to her, watching as she grabbed the bottle of syrup and helping her before she got it all over the table in her excitement. After cutting her pancakes up and drenching them in just the right amount of syrup, John watched as Frances moved in on them. His heart fluttered again and he was smiling despite himself, suddenly understanding everything anyone had ever said about the bond between a parent and child. It surprised him, how suddenly it was all hitting him, almost overwhelming as he realized exactly what parenting entailed. But he quickly tamed his fears, focusing instead on the immediate. 

Such as this moment, the image of Frances shoveling bites of pancake into her mouth before looking back at him with the biggest grin, lips and chin covered in syrup and cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. 

 

* * *

 

Lafayette came over early, claiming he was just in the area and figured he'd drop in a bit sooner than expected so he could see John before he left for work. John easily saw through the lie, knowing Lafayette was concerned after the previous night and probably just got tired of waiting to check on them. He sat with Frances on the couch as John got ready, she was 'reading' one of John's medical books to him. Reading was obviously a loose term, unless Lafayette had thought all wrong and there actually _was_  a story about a unicorn that saved all the cats of the kingdom somewhere within an anatomy book. 

He listened intently, however, as the girl looked down at the page for a split second before looking back up at him and continuing the story. She waved her hands excitedly when she wasn't flipping through the pages, eyes alight and voice climbing in volume and pitch as she got more and more into the story. Her imagination was impressive, and Lafayette would almost bet that came from her mother, as he couldn't remember the last time John had even managed a partially believable lie. Her bravado and confidence, on the other hand? That was where he could clearly see his friend through the little girl, on top of the warm skin tone, dark curls, and ears he could only hope she'd grow into. 

Frances skipped to the end of the book, eyes skimming the page before she slammed it shut in her lap and looked back up at him, "An' then the magical princess, she crowned the unicorn royally and they all lived happy ever after!" 

"Wow, who knew your dad would have such interesting books?" Lafayette asked and the girl nodded, pushing the book off of her lap and next to her on the couch. 

"It wasn't easy to find," she told him with an exasperated look. He chuckled.

“Did you do anything fun today, Frances?” 

"John made pancakes for breakfast!" She answered, excited. "With chocolate chips and syrup! A-and then he played dolls with me, but John isn't very good at dolls - he was boring but then he read me a story."

“Oh wow, that sounds like a full day,” Lafayette grinned down at the girl shrugging nonchalantly. 

“My ears are burning, is Laf gossiping about me again?” John asked as he stepped into the room, already changed into his scrubs. 

“Not this time, _mon ami_ ,” Lafayette lifted his hands innocently, gesturing to the girl that had begun giggling madly next to him. “Frances was just telling me about how you are ‘not very good at dolls’.” John gasped, bringing a hand to his chest in mock offense. 

“My own flesh and blood, I can’t believe it,” John squeezed himself between Lafayette and Frances on the couch, reaching out for her. “You know what the punishment for spreading such slander is, don’t you?” Frances was still laughing, covering her mouth as if to hide it as she shook her head, a wicked glint flashing in John’s eyes. He reached out and grabbed her sides, causing the girl to laugh harder as he began tickling her.

Lafayette grinned, watching the interaction, and maybe he never had given John enough credit. When John first broke the news Lafayette was excited, of course, he had always loved children, but he was nervous on some level for John. He never saw his friend fit into that fatherly role, especially considering what he had heard John grow up with, but Lafayette had a feeling John would do just fine. 

 

* * *

 

John liked working the ER for a few reasons. Most of all, he enjoyed how unpredictable it could be. He never knew what was going to come through those doors, whether he’d have to handle victims of a car crash or someone that had slipped in the shower and broken a collar bone. Some days were slow, others were so busy that John would end up working far longer than he intended, or was technically allowed to. He was thankful for the fairly steady stream of patients on his second day back to work. He still felt guilty over last night, he should have been home when Frances had woken up from her nightmare and he wasn’t. He had only been a father for a couple of weeks and he was already messing it up, Lafayette of course promised to text him if anything went wrong before he left. John couldn’t help but check his phone every time he found himself with a gap of time. Dropping himself into a chair behind the nurse’s station, he pulled his phone out and decided to shoot a text to Lafayette, just to check in, not that he was worried of course. (Not that he would admit.) 

 

_**To: Laf:** everyone ok? _

 

_**From: Laf:** stop worrying. everyone is alive and well. hercules just promised frances that they could dress as megara and hercules for halloween._

_**From: Laf:** i need to find a new costume. _

 

_**To: Laf:** were you planning to be meg? _

 

_**From: Laf:** and force hercules to make me a dress? of course! _

 

John laughed, shaking his head as he tucked his phone back into his pocket, feeling a bit of relief at hearing things were okay back at his apartment. 

“Don’t you have patients to be caring for?” 

John jumped at the voice, eyes shooting up to the person now standing in front of him. He felt a bit of relief at finding Alexander standing there rather than an attending ready to chide him on using his phone. The relief washed away a moment later, replaced with concern. 

“Alexander, hey, are you alright?” He asked as he stood, Alexander waved him off before he could worry any further. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he assured the doctor. “I actually just came in with the hope that you’d be working.” John furrowed his brows and Alexander started digging into his bag before triumphantly pulling out a slightly squished _something_ wrapped in tin foil. He held it out toward John. “It’s probably not as good as the one you made, but I wanted to return the favor after you gave me your sandwich.” 

“What?” John started shaking his head. “No, no, you didn’t need to do that, Alexander. I’m a doctor, it’s literally in my job description to take care of people.” 

Alexander shrugged a bit, “Yeah, well. You didn’t have to give up your _own_ food, and I appreciated the gesture. Please, I had to google how to make an egg salad sandwich to do this, I just want to thank you.” He held the sandwich in John’s direction again, and John took it finally, a small smile stretching over his lips. 

“Thank you, Alexander,” he said, earning a bright smile from the other male. John looked at him curiously for a moment before chancing a glance around and noting that the room was still pretty well-staffed. “When was the last time you ate?” Alexander opened his mouth to respond, but John cut him off, "Nevermind, I'm going to guess that if you have recently eaten it wasn't exactly that filling anyway. Split this with me?" 

"Wha-? No, I-" Alexander started to protest, but John had already moved from behind the desk and gestured for Alexander to follow him. 

"Come on, you're not going to make me go eat this alone are you?" He gave Alexander that easy smile again and Alex was helpless, giving in and letting John lead him out of the emergency room and down another hall. They ended up in another waiting room, John explaining that he really didn't like dealing with the people in the hospital cafeteria and this room pretty much saw no action. He settled into a chair, carefully removing the crumpled foil from around the sandwich and finding the sandwich already cut in half, diagonally, just as John had done to his the night before. He handed Alexander half as the other man cautiously lowered himself into a chair next to John and took the food from his hand. 

"I take it you're feeling better, at least with enough energy to make a sandwich and come all the way back down here?" John questioned as he took a bite. The bread had gotten a little soggy, he noticed that Alexander apparently did not know that the trick was to put lettuce on each slice, keeping the egg salad from ever directly contacting and thus ruining the bread. He kept silent, aside from that detail it was good for a first try. Alexander nodded in response to the question. 

"Much. I guess Angelica and Eliza were right, I needed to take a break." He shrugged half-heartedly as he, too, took a bite of the sandwich and frowned. It definitely wasn't as good as John's. But Alexander had come to the hospital with a mission: step one was to thank John with a sandwich, it was the most obvious and also key step to this plan, because it gave him the excuse to actually return to the hospital without looking suspicious.

Step two was going to be more difficult to be nonchalant about, but after a long night of thinking, he had decided that in this day and age, there was a chance that John maybe wasn't _straight._ Sure, he had a kid, but bisexuality was always an option, which Alexander was very well aware of. 

“How’s Frances?” Alexander asked, going for something casual. John was surprised by the question, and that Alexander had remembered his daughter’s name. “I’m sorry, I figured that’s what you were texting about earlier. You don’t have to answer that, I don’t want to overstep.” 

“No, no,” John shook his head. “No, it’s fine, I just - didn’t expect anyone to ask, I guess? But she’s good, so far her night is going better than last night, at least.” 

“That’s good to hear,” Alexander grinned, and god, the little smile that tilted John’s mouth as he thought about his daughter could have killed him. It really wasn’t fair, especially if this man turned out to be straight. “So, how long have you been a single dad?” 

John laughed at that, dropping his gaze to the floor. He really felt that he should stop there, oversharing with someone he barely knew was probably not where his night should go. But something about Alexander made him feel at ease, it always seemed easier to talk more openly to people you hardly knew, “About two weeks.” Alexander’s brows shot up at that, silence that worried John followed, before Alexander finally spoke again. 

“Was it a bad break up?” 

John let out a breath, “It wasn’t really a break up, I- uh…” He trailed off, not even sure what to tell the man. ‘I knocked her up back in college and ignored her, so I didn’t even know I _had_ a daughter until two weeks ago’? Even with the safety net of not knowing each other, there was no way that one wouldn’t get judgement from the man. He shook his head a little, voice soft as he continued, "I'd really rather not talk about it." 

"No, of course, I'm sorry," Alexander immediately apologized, watching as John's face fell and he took another bite, eyes trained to the ground. Alexander made it his personal goal to bring that smile back. "We can talk about literally anything else, I don't mean to overstep." _I would just really like to know if you like dick, thank you._ Alexander kept his mouth shut, he couldn't let himself be _that_ obvious. 

"You work with a non-profit, you said? What exactly do you all do?" John decided to steer the conversation away from himself entirely, finally lifting his eyes to meet Alexander's again, seeing them light up at the question. 

"Oh! Well, we mostly work with children in the foster care system or this orphanage that my friend works at— Eliza, actually, the one that brought me in last night? She works with this orphanage in the city, and they were trying to start this arts program for the kids- anyway, at the time I was working in a law office under George Washington, and he and his wife took in foster kids quite often and apparently Eliza reached out to them and Washington left the firm and started working full time on creating this new organization that worked to expose these kids to the capital A, 'Arts'. I, uh, was in foster care, for a few years at least, so Washington thought I’d be interested in helping him - and to be quite honest, the last thing I wanted to do was stay at that firm with Aaron Burr - so I left and now I work under Washington - though I mostly just handle the financials of the whole organization." John wasn’t sure if he had seen Alexander take a breath through that entire spiel, impressed simply by the sheer amount of information he seemed to get out before tearing off the corner of the sandwich and shoving it into his mouth. 

“I had no idea things like that existed, that’s really neat — for the kids. Do you ever work with them?” Alexander shook his head. 

“No, like I said, I mostly deal with budgets, organizing things — I mean, I’ve babysat for the Washington’s a couple times, but that was a while ago.” Alexander shrugged one shoulder, picking the crust from the bread. “How long have you been a doctor?” 

The corner of John’s lips quirked up a bit, not a true smile but it was getting closer, “This is my second year of residency with the hospital.” 

“What made you want to be a doctor?” 

“You really aren’t one for small talk, are you?” John asked, a real smile crossing his lips and Alexander felt a sense of accomplishment as he shook his head. John shrugged his shoulders as he searched for an answer, finally landing on the most obvious in his mind, “My father didn’t want me to be one. I like helping people, too, obviously. It makes you feel… needed, y’know? And I’ve always been interested, it was always my dream job. But a big part of it was my dad wanted me to go into law — I was going to, I knew I could help people just as well in a court room, then I turned to pre-med out of spite.” 

“Well, thank god for that, who knows what would have happened to me if you hadn’t been here last night?” Alexander exclaimed, throwing his hands out in an exaggerated action that pulled a laugh from John. Alexander chuckled at himself, dropping his arms and pulling the remaining crust from his half of the sandwich and popping the last bit of it into his mouth. 

“You don’t like crust?” John asked, gesturing to the pieces of bread lying over Alexander’s knee. Alexander shook his head, lifting his hand to pick them up, but John reached forward and snatched most of the crust, eating a piece as Alexander watched in disgust. 

“Look, you’re cute, but that was gross, how do you eat bread crust?” Alexander scoffed, brushing the crumbs off his pant leg. “It’s so… dry, and just pure _crumbs_ , it’s disgusting.” John swallowed the crust quickly, coughing a bit and trying to fight the blush he knew was spreading across his cheeks after Alexander called him _cute_. Alexander must have not realized his own words, because he caught John’s cough and interpreted it as a reaction to the bread, “See, what did I tell you? Dry! And gross!” John just laughed, shaking his head. 

“I’ve never met someone which such vehement opposition to bread crust.” 

“You’re hanging out with the wrong people, Dr. Laurens.” Alexander leaned back in the chair, seeming much more relaxed than he had when they first came in, a calming smile over his face that made John feel at ease. 

“John.” 

Alexander paused, brow quirking as he took a moment to process this new information. “John, then. Dr. Laurens sounds more interesting, but if you insist on going with such a bland name.” 

“Alexander isn’t that unique,” John argued, acting far more offended than he really was. Alexander scoffed. 

“Well, if we’re keeping it at boring and a four letters, you can call me Alex.” 

“Alex,” John tested the name out, nodding. Alex seemed ready to say something more but John’s beeper suddenly went off, causing him to jump and grab it from his pocket, scanning the message. “I’m sorry, I’ve gotta go,” John stood up quickly, wrapping up the remainder of the sandwich as he brushed off his lap. “Thank you, Alex, for the sandwich and the company. It was nice.” 

“Anytime, John,” Alex replied, standing as well and quickly holding his hand out. John shook it, grinning wider, and Alex tried not to think about the way John’s hand slid slowly out of his own as the man turned back down the hall. He realized too late that he had forgotten to ask for John’s phone number, turning to catch him only to find the hall empty. “Dammit,” he muttered under his breath, and he still hadn’t figured out whether or not the man was straight. Although, the way he blushed after Alex called him cute did seem to say a lot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos make me happier than Jefferson in a swivel chair with a pot of mac 'n cheese, so lemme know what you think? 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan Let's talk headcanons, or just scream about Hamilton together. We can be friends?


	3. i thought i was so smart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette helps John begin the search for schools and John gets another surprising visit in the ER.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all I just want to say THANK YOU all so much for all of the positive feedback. I'm seriously blown away by all of the comments I've received and how much you all like this story - and really, that's the true reason I'm updating again so soon. Your comments and kudos and kind words inspire me to write more. (And also, it's the weekend and I rewarded myself for actually doing some homework by writing this.) 
> 
> And a little disclaimer; if you haven't noticed, I don't know how hospitals and ERs, etc., really are so, let's keep that suspension of disbelief and pretend Pip knows what she's talking about. Same for enrolling children into schools. (same for children tbqh) 
> 
> With all that said, grab a tall glass of iced tea or your favorite cold beverage and enjoy this chapter, lovelies~

The rest of John’s week passed in a blur of long nights in the hospital followed by longer days with Frances, watching Disney movies or playing with her dolls — despite Frances’s complaints that he still wasn’t very good  at it. Frances would sigh heavily and take the doll from John’s hands, smoothing down the new dress Hercules had made and explaining the rules to him. 

“She’s the pop'lar girl, so she has to… to…” Frances cut off at a knock at the door, John’s head snapping up and brows furrowing, confused. He pushed himself to his feet, leaving her to her own devices as he answered the door to his two overly enthusiastic friends.

“What are you guys doing here? I don’t have to work for another three hours,” John stepped back, letting Hercules and Lafayette step inside. Hercules pulled a measuring tape from his bag, holding it up as if it held all the answers. 

“Where’s the little tyke, I need to start getting measurements for her Halloween costume,” he declared. Frances came storming into the room not a second later, having heard the two enter, and launched herself into Lafayette’s suddenly outstretched arms. 

“Lafette, Hercules!” She wrapped her arms around Lafayette’s neck after he pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

“ _Bonjour, ma chère. Comment ça va?_ ” Frances leaned back in his arms, face lighting up as she worked to connect the words he had been teaching her. Lafayette was ecstatic when the girl had shown an interest in his native language, already learning the French alphabet right alongside the English.

“ _Ça va, merci!_ ” Frances clapped her hands together as she finally formed her reply and Lafayette beamed with pride. 

“You are doing so well, before you know it you will speak even better than your father. Now,” Lafayette passed the girl into Hercules’s arms. “Uncle Hercules needs to start working on your Halloween costume, so he has to get your measurements. And I,” Lafayette hooked his arm through John’s, beginning to lead the man toward the couch, “need to talk to John while you all do that.” John’s face dropped with concern as he let Lafayette pull him down onto the couch, watching in confusion as the man reached for John’s laptop and Hercules and Frances disappeared back into the bedroom. 

“What’s going on?” John asked, feeling uneasy as Lafayette unlocked his laptop and begin typing quickly over the keys. 

“Have you started looking into schools for Frances?” Lafayette asked, not looking away from the screen. John shook his head slowly, which did earn Lafayette’s attention — a long, judging look before he turned back to the screen. 

“I figured. But you need to start doing that, I found this elementary school — it’s actually fairly between here and our place, so we could, of course, help out,” Lafayette turned the computer screen toward John, displaying the brightly colored website of a private school. John frowned, reading through the mission statement of the school and scrolling down the front page. 

“I don’t know…” he started, but Lafayette cut him off with a _tsk_  and took the computer back, clicking through various links. 

“This is a great school, John,” Lafayette promised. “It is prestigious, they have some of the most highly ranked faculty and educators in the state—”

“How exactly are educators ranked?” Lafayette shot him a glare. 

“John, it will be good for her is all I’m saying.” He insisted. “You want the best for your daughter, _non_?” 

“Of course I do, Laf, it’s just…” John sighed, looking over his shoulder at the website again. “I don’t know if I can even afford to send her to a private school, tuition can be insane—”

“There is aid, you are a single father, I’m sure you will be offered financial assistance,” Lafayette reassured him. “ _Mon dieu_ , I know you were not actually considering sending my niece to a _public_  school, Laurens.”

John rolled his eyes. “It wouldn’t be the worst—”

“Nor would it be the best,” Lafayette argued. “Look, send something in, see if they’ll take her and if you absolutely cannot manage it financially, I will begin looking at charter schools. But do it soon, because deadlines are quickly approaching.” 

“Lafayette—”

“Don’t you argue with me,” Lafayette hit the ‘favorite’ button on the school’s website before shutting John’s laptop and turning to him. “I have done extensive research and this school offers some of the best resources you will find in this city. If it is possible, I believe this will be the greatest opportunity for young Frances. You went to private school, _non_? As did I, and look how we turned out.” 

“Yeah, I’m a single father that didn’t even know he had a child until her mother died five years after she was born,” John muttered. “Laf, I don’t know if I want her in a private school. I hated mine.”

“Yours was also in South Carolina,” Lafayette pointed out, tapping John on the nose. “Hers will be in New York City, the differences could be astonishing. At least let her give it a chance? If she hates it as you did, she can transfer for first grade. Think about it?” 

John stared at Lafayette for a long moment, the other man’s brown eyes warm, wide, and pleading. John was grateful, on some level, for how invested Lafayette seemed to be in Frances’s life now. He was glad that someone had started looking into schools, because he certainly hadn’t found the chance yet, but he was afraid of making the wrong decision. Lafayette did have a point, John did go to a Catholic private school in South Carolina — from what John had seen, and from what he knew of Lafayette, he didn’t think this school had a religious affiliation. They could be vastly different experiences, and if it was the best education he could find for her… 

“I’ll think about it.” John sighed. Lafayette perked up, grabbing John’s shoulders and kissing both of his cheeks. 

“Perfect, oh can you just imagine her in a little school uniform?” Lafayette clasped his hands together. “She is going to be precious, John. I can’t wait.” John laughed at the Frenchman, taking his laptop and opening it to continue looking at the website. 

“What were you doing looking into schools anyway?” He asked after a moment, eyeing Lafayette curiously as the Frenchman’s cheeks heated up. 

“I care about your daughter, Laurens,” he insisted, biting his lip for a moment before continuing with a shrug. “And I may have gone through a brief case of baby fever and started planning for my future children.”

“Are you even interested in women?” John lifted his brows, giving his friend a pointed look. He never had been sure of Lafayette’s sexuality, though he knew his friend had hooked up with men in the past he hadn’t heard anything about women. Lafayette just scoffed, rolling his eyes at John and quirking a single, immaculately shaped eyebrow.

“You are, oh, what do they say… ‘strictly dickly’, my dear Laurens, and yet here we are.” John retreated back into himself, mouth tightening into a straight line as he nodded. 

“You make a fair point.” He admitted. Lafayette laughed brightly. 

 

* * *

 

John hadn’t seen Alex since the day he brought him a sandwich. Time and time again he found himself regretting not asking for his number, but that just seemed to be how things went. He figured it was for the best, he probably shouldn’t be focusing his attention on anything outside of Frances and work right now anyway. Simply going through that school’s website had taken up a majority of the time he had before work, he would have to start looking into the actual process of applying and enrolling once he got back home. So, John had accepted that he would probably never see Alex again, at least not until the next time his friends had to drag him in due to his exhaustion — which John _mostly_ hoped wouldn’t happen, but part of him would be pleased to see the man again. As it turned out, John wouldn’t need to wait that much longer. 

“Laurens!” One of the doctors shouted as they passed him, grabbing his arm and dragging him toward the ER. “C’mon, I need you.” 

Laurens followed quickly, shifting out of his concerned and overwhelmed father mindset and back into doctor-mode. The other doctor, Dr. Greene, began spouting out the case as they raced toward the ER to meet the EMTs as they brought a patient in. 

“We’ve got a hispanic adult male, mid-20s,” Dr. Greene began to rattle off, however John’s attention was drawn instead to the stretcher that was being rushed toward them. Lying on it, and trying to fight off the poor EMT that was holding an oxygen mask to his face, was Alex, face bloodied and bruised, shirt torn and looking even worse than the last time he’d come through those doors. 

“Alex?!” John gasped, alarmed, and Greene looked over. 

“You know him?” Greene asked at the same moment that Alex seemed to notice John, a look of relief over his face as he finally pushed the oxygen mask away. 

“John, thank god, can you please tell them I’m fine? I mean, really, you should see the other guy,” Alex batted at a hand that tried to replace the mask. John looked up as another stretcher was being pushed through the doors, and he had to admit the occupant of that did seem worse for the wear. He turned to Greene. 

“His name is Alexander Hamilton, he was just in here last week and I took care of him. I can take him while you take the other?” John offered and Greene nodded, quickly moving toward the other stretcher as John directed the staff to move Alex into one of the exam rooms. As he followed them in he wondered if he would ever really see Alex outside of the hospital, and immediately dropped the thought from his mind. 

 

* * *

 

“Doesn’t look any worse than some nasty scrapes,” John murmured as he looked over Alex’s face, gently turning his head to the side with a finger to his chin and he tried not to think about how intimate the moment could have been, any other instances where he would be this close to Alex. “You don’t have a concussion, no broken bones… here, at least.” John noticed Alex wince as he shifted on the table. “Where does it hurt?” 

“Nowhere, ‘m fine, just sore,” Alex insisted. John sighed, crossing his arms and giving the other man a stern look. As stern as he could manage, at least, while his mind started going in several different directions as he realized just how much _more_ attractive Alex seemed to be like this. John had stitched up a cut along his eyebrow, and there were still a few scrapes across his jaw. Alex relented under his gaze, gesturing to the right side of his stomach. 

“Lay back and lift your shirt?” John requested, not even realizing what this would entail until Alex was following his instructions and, _okay_ , maybe John should have volunteered himself to take care of the other guy. 

“Never thought I’d see a doctor blush so hard at the human body,” Alex teased and John stepped forward, pressing his fingertips over Alex’s ribs and making the man wince again as he sucked in a sharp breath. “Okay, okay, I deserved that.” John tried to ignore the expanse of skin presented before him, and the urge he suddenly had to lean down and press soft kisses against every bruise that appeared there. 

“I don’t think it’s more than a bruise, but we can do an x-ray to make sure,” John finally said, stepping back and letting Alex put his shirt back down. 

“Can we.. not?” Alex asked, sitting again and trying to hide his pain. 

“Alex,” John started. Alex just shook his head, ignoring the authoritative tone to John's voice. 

“What are you going to do if it is more than a bruise, if it’s a-a fracture, or something? Nothing different than if it’s bruised, right?” Alex didn’t wait for a response. “Look, I’d just really prefer not having an x-ray. I know it’s a doctor’s recommendation to do so, but I also know it’s within my rights to deny any examination I don’t want.” 

John watched him for a long moment, drawing in a slow breath before nodding again and letting it out. “Of course.” 

“So, am I good to go?” Alex asked, hopping down from the table and trying to hide how off balance he was as he landed on his feet. John rushed back to his side, steadying him. 

“I’d prefer if you stayed,” he said, helping Alex back onto the table. “We called Eliza, your emergency contact, and she’s on her way.” 

“Seriously?” Alex almost whined the word and it made John laugh softly, the pout on his lips absolutely adorable. “I didn’t want to bother her tonight.” 

“What the hell happened to you?” John asked suddenly, trailing a finger over one of the scrapes along Alex’s chin. He pretended that he didn’t notice the way Alex shivered at the touch and continued looking over Alex’s wounds with a concerned eye. 

“I got into a fight,” Alex admitted in a small voice. “With Jefferson. We were both at this bar, and he started running his mouth off about shit he doesn’t know the first thing about and… well, I usually don’t resort to physical violence but in all technicalities he threw the first punch—”

“ _Alex_ ,” John chastised, shaking his head. “Seriously? I…” 

“Oh, what, like you’ve never been in a bar fight?” John looked surprised, opening his mouth to defend himself but failing to find the words because, well, he really _couldn’t_ judge Alex on this. Alex’s lips turned up so quickly John was afraid he’d split the cut already there, a glint of something in his eye. “ _Have_ you been in a bar fight, John? You have!” 

“That doesn’t matter,” John waved it off. “This isn’t about me, I just—”

“If you’re going to lecture me on why I shouldn’t fight people, you don’t need to. Eliza and Angelica will take care of that when they get me home, I promise,” Alex dropped his eyes, unable to look at John anymore. He already knew the judgement he’d face once the Schuylers were here, because there was no way Eliza was going to show up alone, of course Angelica would be with her, scolding him as soon as she came through the door. He didn’t want that same look from John right now, not after how gentle he’d been taking care of his injuries, the way he ran his fingertips so carefully over his face. Alex knew he was just doing his job, but it didn’t meant he couldn’t take a moment to imagine how it would be in another circumstance. 

“I was actually just wondering if I’d ever see you outside of this hospital,” John’s voice was quiet, to the point that Alex wasn’t sure he’d actually heard it. Maybe he _did_ have a concussion and he was making things up, but either way his mouth worked far faster than his brain. 

“You could, maybe for drinks tomorrow?” And the shocked expression on John’s face told Alex all he needed to know, the way he stuttered clearly letting Alex know that he had taken the wrong step and made the wrong assumptions. He tried to backtrack. “I-I mean, unless you don’t want to. That’s cool, I get it. I mean, it’s not like I’m— we could just go as friends, I get it, I mean— you have a daughter, of course you’re not—” Alex blamed his lack of tact and fumbling words on the fact that he was definitely still a little drunk. 

Thankfully, John cut him off with a rushed admission of, “Oh no, I’m really,  _really_ gay, I promise.”

They both stared at each other for what felt like a second and an hour simultaneously before breaking into laughter. Alex grasped at his side, the bruised rib aching as he laughed. Once John calmed down he bit his lip, watching Alex before speaking again. 

“I’d like to, really,” he started and dropped his gaze from that hopeful expression on Alex’s face, he didn’t want to witness the moment it fell. “It’s just… I’m not so sure I should.” 

“I don’t always get into bar fights,” Alex quickly responded, and John could hear the hope fall from Alex’s being. “This is a rare occurrence, really, I—”

“It’s my daughter,” John supplied. “I… we’re still getting used to this whole… thing, being alone together, y’know? I… I’m not sure now is a good time to.. to start seeing people?” It came out as more of a question, because honestly John wasn’t even sure if it was a valid thought process. Alex bobbed his head slowly, listening to everything John said and taking it in. He could see where the man was coming from, but — 

“At least let me buy you coffee? If you don’t have anyone to watch Frances, I could always bring it to you? I just,” Alex paused, looking at John as the other man chewed at the corner of his bottom lip and _oh_ how Alex wished _he_ could be the one nibbling at at his lip. He shook the image away, continuing his thought. “I’d really like to get to know you better, even if it’s just as friends. I can totally respect that, and I completely understand putting your daughter first. But… I’d rather not have to resort to weekly hospital visits as my only opportunity to see you.” 

John chuckled, ducking his head but remaining quiet as he mulled it over. Alex was definitely his type, attractive and very obviously passionate about what he believed in, and… completely understanding, it would seem, about Frances. Maybe now wasn’t the time to start dating, but was there ever a bad time to make friends? John reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and opening a new contact before passing it to Alex. 

“Can I think about it and get back to you?” He offered, leaving off the worried, _And give you the night to sober up and decide if you’re actually interested_. Alex took the phone with a grin, managing to add his name and phone number as well as shoot off a quick text so he could have John’s number as well. When John took his phone back he saw the text, simply his name with the winking emoji, and he laughed. “Now, hopefully having my number will be enough to keep you out of my ER for a few more days at least.” 

“I can definitely try,” Alex promised, giving John a mock salute just to pull another laugh from the man. Alex could get used to that sound, and it was alarming just how he wanted to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {Bonjour, ma chére, comment ça va? - Good morning, my dear, how are you?  
> Ça va, merci! - I'm fine, thank you!}  
> \- All French is based off the little I know/am learning so if I've made an error please correct me
> 
> I figured you'd all be pleased to find out that I'm really not the best at relationship-y angst because I get too impatient and just want John and Alex to be cute together. So, here we are. (But don't worry your little heads, this story probably won't have any kind of angst shortage soon enough.) 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated, loved, and adored (and occasionally printed out and hung on the wall). 10 points to your respective Hogwarts house if you can guess my favorite part of this chapter, and 5 points if you tell me yours. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has a date, Frances has a doctor's appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Lin voice* Hello, hello, hello!! I am still here working on this Thing to share with You! I'm just a terrible student, so every free moment throughout the week is me trying to catch up on work for classes - oops? But, here we are, I finally finished this chapter and I'm trying to get another one out this weekend. Hopefully I can pull myself together and get a more frequent/regular update schedule. 
> 
> BUT, until then, grab a stuffed giraffe, a nice refreshing bottle of water, and a bar of chocolate and enjoy this chapter!

John had said yes. John still wasn’t sure what had possessed him to say yes, maybe it was Hercules and Lafayette’s teasing remarks, or their more serious choruses of “you need to have some fun, John, _go_ ”. Or maybe it was the easy conversation that seemed to float through their texts, neither of them acknowledging that John was obviously avoiding the very topic that led to Alex having John’s number in the first place. They didn’t even broach the subject, keeping conversation simple — well, as simple as conversation with Alex could be. He definitely didn’t do small talk, and within a few days John was openly — and, oddly enough, _comfortably_ — admitting to some of his bigger concerns, his more hidden hopes and dreams. He told Alex about how he used to draw a lot, how he had snuck into a couple of art courses when he was in school, but had to hide it from his father. He didn’t remain on the topic of his father long, and Alex didn’t seem to dwell much on the past either. _Alex_ mostly talked about the future, what he wanted to accomplish, everything he wanted to do with his life, and it was almost inspiring — and suddenly, something within John’s mind possessed him to send the message Alex had been waiting for.

**_From: Hot Dr. John:_ ** _Does that offer for coffee still stand?_

Alex tried to hide the grin that spread over his face, and he absolutely did _not_ begin doing a small victory dance in his seat. (Read: He absolutely did, and when questioned by Angelica who sat across from him, he blamed the substantial amount of caffeine he’d been drinking. Angelica, of course, knew better, but she let Alex have his private victory for the moment.) 

And that’s what led to John nervously tapping a rhythm against his jean-clad leg as he approached the coffeeshop Alex had given him directions to, his heart beating harder in his chest the closer he came, a rapid crescendo that rose to the gentle jingle of a bell as he pushed the door open. His eyes immediately landed on Alexander, sitting at a table and scribbling furiously into a notebook, hair pulled into a messy bun atop his head. After a second warm brown eyes rose to meet John’s and his stomach plummeted, _shit._ He felt silly, like a high schooler going on his first date, as he rubbed his sweaty palms against his jeans and walked over to the table. 

“Hey!” Alex chirped, notebook abandoned as he stood and wrapped John into a hug without hesitation. It ended a second later, Alex stepping back and trying to hide the nervous look in his eyes. John tried to contort his face into something of an encouraging grin, noting that he must have succeeded when Alex visibly relaxed, but his body was still buzzing where Alex had touched him and he didn’t feel any control over it at all. Alex marched on, not seeming to notice, “I would have ordered you something, but I realized out of all we’ve talked about I never managed to get your coffee order. But it’s still on me, I’ve already talked to the barista” — John started to shake his head and Alex put a hand up, smile never faltering — “and don’t argue, I chose the venue and made the initial offer, it’s my treat.” 

John decided he probably didn’t need caffeine, not with the way his nerves were buzzing simply from being here with Alex. He tried to calm himself down as he ordered a small tea, but the moment he was back in front of Alex and he looked at him with _that look_ he felt his heartbeat kick back up. He wanted to squirm and preen under Alex’s gaze at the same time, he settled for ducking his head and letting his loose curls fall in front of his face to hide the heat spreading over his cheeks. Luckily, Alex couldn’t remain quiet for long, and they fell into conversation just as easily as they had through texts. It flowed smoothly between them, jumping from subject to subject, and John was lost in the warmth of Alex’s rapid fire rambles, finding himself giving up just as much without a second thought. He felt comfortable with Alex, which wasn’t something he was used to finding — he even still had his moments of insecurity in front of Lafayette and Hercules — it was new; exciting and terrifying at once. But Alex listened with intent eyes and a bob of his head every so often, responding to everything John said and letting him react in same. 

“I was in foster care for a couple of years when I first came here,” Alex admitted once they found themselves back on the topic of Alex’s work. John was on the verge of asking for an elaboration on the ' _came here_ ', but Alex's gaze dropped to the table top, watching his own fingernail scrape against the wood gently as he spoke. John recognized the vulnerability and kept his questions to himself, he wouldn't push Alex to reveal anything more than he wanted. He wanted Alex to feel as comfortable with him as he felt with Alex, so he took a chance and reached his hand over the table, placed it over Alex’s to still the nervous tic. Alex’s arm relaxed and his eyes flicked back up to look at John as he continued, “That’s why I decided to follow Washington when he left — I mean, I couldn’t really stand to work with Burr any further either, but — they didn’t have things like that for me, y’know? Any exposure to art or writing, it was all because I went out and searched for it - and I did, thank god, because writing turned out to be the real game changer for me” — John wanted to ask about that, too, but Alex moved on from the point — “And it could be for any of these kids, too. Or acting, drawing, painting — any of it could help them get more out of life, so it’s — I feel like we’re doing good work.” 

“You are,” John agreed. Alex’s hand turned beneath his own, fingers suddenly interlocked and John held back his smile. “It’s great that they have someone to introduce it to them — and encourage them. The thought that I could have actually _done_ something with my drawings never even crossed my mind growing up, it was just this silly hobby, as my father said — not that I don’t love my career, but sometimes I wonder what else I could have done.” John shrugged a shoulder half-heartedly, taking his turn to be bashful and ducking his head, hair falling into his face again. “I guess it’s for the better, taking care of a five year old on what I make now is proving hard enough, I can’t imagine doing that with the money of a starving artist.” 

“How is Frances doing?” Alex asked, and he sounded so genuinely curious it surprised John, and it wasn't the first time he'd asked about her. Alex seemed to ask about Frances every day, if she was doing well, if she was adjusting to it just being the two of them, if she needed anything. He felt a pull in his chest at the thought of Alex actually caring about his daughter, and the thought of _dear god, he is perfect_ , which he quickly banished to the back of his mind. 

“She’s good,” John answered, shifting his focus from all of Alex’s perfections to his daughter, unable to hide the new tilt to his lips. Alex’s heart fluttered at the new softness in John’s expression and he squeezed John’s hand a bit because _sweet jesus, it’s got to be illegal to look that adorable._ “She’s happy, and she’s got a school physical scheduled in a couple days, so hopefully she’s healthy, too. That’s all I can really ask for. We just had a meeting with someone at a school a bit further uptown.” 

“Oh yeah, you told me about that. How’d that go?” 

“I think it went well,” John chuckled softly. “One of my friends has been teaching her French, so she definitely impressed them when she started counting in both languages.” Alex laughed, too, and the look he gave John seemed to be filled with so much adoration — he had to look away, down at their hands still intertwined on the table top, and in doing so he caught sight of the watch on Alex’s wrist. 

“Oh shit,” John muttered, pulling his hand out of Alex’s almost reluctantly as he started to stand. “I’m so sorry, this was great but it’s so much later than I thought — I told my babysitter I’d be back by now—”

“Hey, no, it’s fine, I’m sorry for keeping you so long,” Alex apologized, standing as well. “Could I walk you home?” John paused, tea halfway to his mouth to drink the last few sips, and watched Alex carefully before nodding. 

“Yeah,” he replied, “yeah, that’d be nice.” He finished his tea, disposing of the cup along with Alex’s as they let the shop and fell back into rhythm on the walk to John’s apartment. Thankfully it wasn’t too far, but just enough of a walk for John to enjoy Alex’s extended company. Their shoulders continued to bump into one another, hands brushing, and it took everything in John not to reach out and lace their fingers together. He tried to remind himself that he didn’t _want_ to date anyone right now, but another part of him responded that he actually wouldn’t be _that_ opposed to dating someone like Alexander. 

“This is me,” John said once they stopped in front of his apartment building, and Alex reached out, hand resting on John’s forearm. 

“Thank you,” Alex sounded far too earnest for John to handle, his wide eyes locking with John’s, lips turned up in an almost nervous smile and _shit_. John let out a dry laugh, looking down because Alex’s gaze was too heavy and made him want nothing more than to lean forward and find out what that nervous smile would feel like beneath his own. 

“For what?” 

“Going out with me,” Alex’s tone sounded like it should have been obvious. “I mean— I enjoyed this, a lot, and I really enjoy your company. I hope we can do this again, sometime.” John could only focus on Alex’s mouth, curving with a more confident smile, but he nodded. 

“Yeah, of course, I’d like that.” John felt Alex’s hand tighten on his arm, finding himself leaning in before he thought it through and pressing a kiss to Alex’s cheek. Both men blushed, though John’s cheeks grew noticeably darker as he stuttered over an apology. “I— uhm, s-sorry, I— I should—” Alex’s laugh made him stop, eyes trained on his feet as he kicked his toe against the concrete and his cheeks burned harder when he felt Alex’s lips brush against the heated flesh. 

“You should go back to your daughter,” he said quietly, hand sliding from John’s arm with a final squeeze and he stepped away, beginning to turn down the sidewalk. “I’ll text you?” John could only nod as he looked up and found Alex’s eyes literally _sparkling_ over his toothy grin. John half expected Alex to jump into the air and click his heels together as he turned away, and maybe Alex did do just that on his way home but he made sure he was far out of John’s sight.

* * *

 

John managed to pull himself together before he got back to his apartment, apologizing profusely for being late. Hercules brushed it off, making him promise that he’d get all the details later - John nearly told him all the details right _there_ , but Hercules had to get to work and Frances came bounding into the room and hugged John's leg. It would have to wait.

John felt lighter the rest of the day, glad to have the night off to spend with Frances. They read books, played games, watched a movie, until Frances's stomach began to growl and she asked John if she could have grilled cheese for dinner. He agreed, handing her a small bag of baby carrots to eat while he cooked, and to make sure she still had some veggies for dinner. As John got the sandwich together, Frances pushed a chair closer so that she could watch John cook. He hadn't even realized how much he was smiling until Frances pointed it out. 

“Why are you happy?” She asked, chewing at the end of a carrot as she stood on the chair and watched John flip her grilled cheese. John looked down at her, ruffling her hair and making her face scrunch up as she batted his hand away. 

“You don’t need a reason to be happy,” he responded. "Maybe I'm just happy to be here with you tonight, or that I have you in general." 

“But you’re smilier than you were before,” she pointed out, poking at his cheek and John laughed again. “Who was the boy you were gone with?” 

“Just a friend,” John moved the sandwich he had been coking onto a plate and started putting together a second for himself. Frances was quiet, seeming to consider her words as she thoughtfully chewed. 

“Is he a friend you wanna kiss?” John paused, but Frances took another bite off the carrot and kept talking around it. “Mommy had a lotta friends she wanted to kiss, do you have one, too?” 

“Did she bring her friends home a lot?” John asked, met again with the realization that he didn't know much about the first years of Frances's life. Sure, he was here to take care of her now, but how had things been with Martha? 

“Sometimes.” Frances shrugged, suddenly having a newfound focus on the vegetable in her hand. 

“How did you feel about them coming home?” John watched her reaction carefully, another shrug but this time her shoulders seemed to sink more. That didn't bode well, and John began pushing the idea of dating Alex away. Frances was his number one priority, he'd have to put his own social life on the back burner to make sure she was comfortable. 

“Sometimes they were nice,” she whispered. “I didn' really like most of 'em.” 

“Why not?” 

“I just wanted Mommy, not her kissing friends,” Frances didn’t look up, but she scrunched her nose, and John felt his stomach sink. He could understand the feeling, feeling like your parent wanted to spend time with other adults more than they did you. It wasn't an uncommon feeling in the Laurens house, whether it was his dad bringing home a woman or bringing home his business, John often found himself left to play in a room with his siblings. At least they had each other, but poor Frances had no one if Martha was busy with guests. “I don’ think they liked me a lot, they never played with me like uncle Laf and uncle Herc do.” 

“Well, for the record,” John started, shutting off the stove and lifting Frances into his arms. She looked at him, eyes wet and half a carrot sticking out of the side of her mouth. “Uncle Laf and uncle Herc are _not_ friends that I want to kiss, they’re just my best friends that want to help me take care of you. And I’ll never let someone in here that isn't nice enough to play with you.” He kissed her cheek. “Sound good?” Frances nodded her head a little, giving John a small smile and leaning her head on his shoulder. 

* * *

 John sat with Frances in his lap in one of the hospital waiting rooms, the feeling very foreign to him. It had been ages since he was in this hospital and  _not_ working, it almost made him feel anxious. But Frances needed to get a physical before school started, and he'd have to bring her in a couple weeks later for a round of vaccinations. Frances rested her head against his chest, she was less than excited about having to see the doctor. He had to bribe her with the promise of a milkshake later just to get her to get dressed that morning, now she flipped through a gardening magazine to focus on something other than the hospital smell around her or the nurses' shoes squeaking against the tiled floors. 

“Frances Laurens.” 

Frances tossed the magazine back onto a table and shuffled nervously to her feet, gripping John's hand in both of her own as they approached the nurse holding a door open for them. John tried to give her hand an encouraging squeeze, but the girl grew more tense the closer they got to the door. 

“Good morning, Frances, how are you feeling today?” The nurse asked. Frances held onto John’s hand tighter, pressing herself closer to the man and letting her hair fall into her face to hide her. The nurse chuckled softly, bending down so she was at Frances's level. “Nervous? That's okay, I still get a little nervous when I see a doctor, too. Hey, I’m usually supposed to wait until after the exam to do this but,” she reached into her pocket and pulled out a lollipop, holding it out to Frances. “Someone told me that you really liked blueberry.” Frances looked up at John, waiting for his nod before she reached out and took the sucker from the nurse with a quiet ‘thank you’. “Of course, let’s go down this hall.” 

John and Frances followed the nurse into an examination room, John lifting Frances onto the table after the nurse weighed and measured her. Frances had calmed down considerably once they were in the room, twirling the lollipop in her fingers and explaining to John that she wanted to save it for later. Once the doctor came in the examination went smoothly, John filling out some papers while Dr. Payne went through the physical. 

“And we’re all done here,” Dr. Payne told Frances, smiling at the little girl and bringing over a bowl of candy. “You were _so_ good, I’ll let you pick out two pieces while I talk to your daddy, okay?” Frances kicked her feet excitedly, digging through the bowl as soon as Dr. Payne sat it down on the table next to her and motioned for John to step to the other side of the room with her. 

“Is she okay?” John asked, suddenly worried. Dr. Payne’s mouth turned down at the corners and John suddenly felt like he was going to be sick, 

“Probably,” Dr. Payne finally said, beginning to flip through the papers he had filled out. “Overall, she’s in perfect health… I just have one concern… Do any heart diseases run in your family?” 

John shook his head, “No, not on my side. I—” he stopped, remembering what the social worker had told him the first day he found out about Frances. 

“ _She had been ill for a long time, heart complications run in her family.”_

“Her mom, uh, her mom died from heart complications,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t… I don’t really know any details, the social worker said it ran in the family — does she…?” 

“I’m not sure,” Dr. Payne began carefully, quickly jotting down the information that had completely slipped John’s mind. “I did hear a murmur, but you know that it’s very common for children her age to have—”

“But it was enough to concern you—”

“Any minute abnormality may be cause for conc—”

“Dolley, save the doctor spiel, just be straight with me,” John said, voice stern as he watched the woman swallow. She brushed a piece of hair behind her ear and crossed her arms. 

“It was strong enough that, yes, I’m a little concerned. I’ll refer you to the best pediatric cardiologist I know,” Dolley placed her hand on John’s arm, eyes scanning his quickly paling face. “Don’t freak out yet, John, it could be nothing, even grade six heart murmurs have been innocent, but… considering her mother’s medical history, I think it’s important for her to be checked out. Just to make sure.” John just nodded, swallowing thickly and looking back at the girl who had finally opened her lollipop and sucked on it happily as she intently sifted through the candy bucket. 

“She’s otherwise perfectly healthy, John,” the woman tried to sound reassuring, but John still felt nauseous at the word _otherwise_. “Just watch out for anything, I’ll make a few calls and see how soon I can get you all in to see someone, alright?” 

John nodded again, forcing himself to smile for Frances’s sake if nothing else. “Thanks, Dolley.” John turned to Frances, who now held two fun-size Twix bars in her hands. “You ready for that milkshake? Though maybe you don’t need any more sugar,” John laughed at Frances’s pout, pressing a kiss to her forehead before picking her up. “Alright, fine, but you’ve definitely got to eat your veggies tonight. Say thank you to Dr. Payne.” 

“Tank you,” Frances chirped around the sucker still in her mouth and Dolley laughed, waving to the little girl as John carried her out of the room. He held her a little more tightly as he carried her out of the hospital, reluctantly placing her on her feet once they were outside and she started squirming, no longer wanting to be carried when she could be running down the sidewalk in front of him. John’s laugh tasted bittersweet as he watched the girl in front of him, the panic Dolley had told him to avoid building at the back of his mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thankyouthankyouthankyouSO MUCH to everyone that's left a kudo or a comment (or multiple comments) because they seriously mean everything to me. I'm SO GLAD that so many of you are liking this, I hope that continues, lemme know what your thoughts and feelings are as we go on this journey together, yeah? (As you can see, the journey is really about to begin.) 
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan, my askbox (and messenger now that we have that nifty feature) is always open and welcoming~


	5. i'll do whatever it takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John makes a decision, Lafayette makes an unexpected connection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My chapter summaries are actual trash guys, I'm sorry. But also, I still extend a thousand gracious vibes to all of you that read and comment and leave kudos on this story because they mean so much to me. I've been grinning all day from some of the comments I got on the last chapter, and they inspired me to get this chapter out -- also, I said I was aiming for two chapters this weekend and I managed (kind of, it's 3 AM now but I'm gonna count it). 
> 
> Like I said, it's 3 AM so I'm really tired and I'm just gonna post this - thank you all again so much for the lovely comments. Grab your best friend, human, animal, or stuffed, and enjoy this next chapter~ 
> 
> (i will title these last two chapters when i'm less tired, pardon my trash self)

Since Frances's doctor's appointment, John spent a lot of time reading up on possible health complications. He tried not to psyche himself out, reminding himself that Dolley was  right, it could be absolutely nothing. But he still wanted to be prepared for the worst case scenario. He balanced a medical book on his knee as he leaned back against the couch, Frances sitting behind him and pulling determinedly at his curly hair as she played with it. He winced every now and then, her fingers tugging harder than he expected, but ultimately kept his focus on the book. It didn't leave him feeling reassured, as he read through pages on pages of heart defects, various diseases and complications, his stomach sinking a little more with each paragraph. Frances finally let out a triumphant cry and tapped John's shoulder. 

“Done! It's perfect, you're pretty now!" Frances chirped, climbing off of the couch and grabbing a small mirror from the coffee table. She held it up for John, just a few seconds with it aimed mostly toward his chest, before she put the mirror back down and climbed into his lap. "Do you like it?" 

John chuckled, shutting the book and running a hand over what he could now feel was a slightly messy, but over all impressively put together, braid. “Yeah, I do,” he told the girl enthusiastically, Frances _beamed_ as her tiny arms wrapped around John’s neck, proud of her work. “Who taught you to braid like a champ?” 

“Hercules!” Frances giggled. “An’ Uncle Laf let me practice with his hair. What was you reading?” She ran her hand over the cover of the book, tracing the bolded, golden title letters with her fingers as her mind worked to sort them out. John shrugged the question off, reaching out to place the book on the coffee table and settling back against the couch, resting his arms around the girl’s waist where she still sat in his lap. 

“Just some boring doctor stuff,” he told her, and Frances frowned, face crinkling up as she studied his for a long moment. John matched her expression, waiting as she sorted through her thoughts until she finally got her question together. 

“If you’re a doctor, why couldn’t _you_ do my check up?” John laughed at that, even more when she pouted at the reaction. 

“I’m not that kind of doctor,” he explained, Frances only furrowed her brows again and listened. “Dr. Payne is a pediatrician, which means she only takes care of little kids like you. That’s what she’s the best at. And I am working to become an emergency room doctor, which means I only take care of people coming into the emergency room. People don’t get to make appointments with me.” 

“How many kinds of doctors are there?” Frances looked shocked by this new information, watching John with wide eyes and soaking it all in like a sponge. John couldn’t help when another laugh bubbled out of him at her expression, pushing her hair out of her face as he began to answer. 

“There are a lot, there’s a kind of doctor for almost every part of your body.” John placed the tip of his finger just under her eye, “There’s a doctor for your eyes” - tapped the tip of her nose - “your nose and your sinuses” - moved it down to tap her jaw - “your teeth and your skin” - tickled her stomach, causing the girl to giggle and grab at his hand - “and your tummy.” John smiled as he finally let her push his hand away, instead lifting it to rest over her heart, his expression growing more somber. “And in a few days, we’re going to go see a doctor who’s speciality is to look at your heart.” 

“Is my heart sick?” Frances asked in the smallest voice, her fingers curling around the hand on her chest. John’s smile faltered, he tried to keep it up for her sake, tried to hide the fear and the panic welling inside of him. 

“We don’t know yet, baby girl, that’s what we’re going to find out.” He struggled to keep his voice even, blinking back the tears that threatened to well up in his eyes. Frances dropped her eyes, leaning forward until her head rested against John’s shoulder and she curled up further into John’s lap. John pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, rubbing at her back in an attempt of comfort. 

“Mommy’s heart was sick, she had a lotsa medicines,” Frances whispered. John felt wetness begin to soak into his shirt and heard the sniffle that preceded the girl’s next words, “An’ she started to be sad a lot.” 

“It’s gonna be okay, baby girl,” John tightened his arms around her, holding her close to his chest and smoothing down her curls. “We’re gonna do whatever we can to keep you healthy, I promise.” Frances nodded, her hair tickling John’s chin as she burrowed closer and her sniffles were muffled into the material of his shirt. He closed his eyes, willing himself to keep it together, push down his worries and concerns and be the rock that she needed right now, but Frances’s voice came out again, muted by his shirt but still ringing clearly in his ears. 

“I love you, daddy.” 

John squeezed his eyes shut, the words hitting him like a ton of bricks, slamming his heart down into his stomach. It was the first time the word had left the girl’s mouth, the first time she’d called him anything but ‘John’ and he hadn’t realized how much it would mean to him when she did say it, but he felt like he couldn’t _breathe_. It all came crashing down on him, as if that one word made everything that much more concrete. John was a _father_ now, with a daughter to care for and love, that depended on him for everything. That depended on him to keep her healthy and _alive._ He felt a hot tear fall down his cheek and Frances lifted her head, her small hand pressing over the wet track. John opened his eyes, meeting green ones that were just as wet as his probably were. Frances’s voice was soft but full of more concern than he’d expect from someone her age, “Why are you crying, daddy?”

“Because I love you, too, baby girl,” John’s voice cracked but he didn’t try to hide it, just kissed her forehead and held her that much closer. Frances placed a wet kiss on John’s cheek as another tear rolled down it and wrapped her arms around his neck. After a while of sitting like that, John noticed the girl fighting back a yawn and moved to lay on the couch. She curled up next to him, head to his chest as she listened to the comforting rhythm of John’s heart beating, the repetitive motion of his hand running through her hair and down her back, until she finally succumbed to sleep. Exhausted from the sudden expense of emotion and hours spent worrying, John was quick to follow. 

* * *

“I’m suddenly not sure if I should have asked you out or just let you stay home and sleep,” Alex commented, though his expression definitely seemed more amused than annoyed. John’s head snapped up from where he had been resting his cheek against his fist, not even realizing he’d started to doze off until Alex’s voice pulled him back to reality. 

“In all technicalities, it was my idea this time,” John corrected before he took a long drink of his coffee, willing the caffeine to kick in. “‘m sorry, I’ve ended up working longer the past few nights and with Frances I don’t exactly get the opportunity to catch up on lost sleep anymore.” 

“You know, if you ever need any help, I love kids,” Alex tossed the offer out so nonchalantly John nearly choked on his coffee. His face was so genuine, and it wasn’t the first time Alex had insinuated the idea. Frances was a common topic, and he would tell John how much he’d love to meet the little girl under better circumstances than their first encounter. Not in an overbearing way, but it was like he wanted to show John that he would accept Frances as part of his life, and that made what John needed to do today a little harder. 

“I could never ask you to do that,” he insisted, staring intently at his coffee cup as he spun it between his hands. Alex huffed out an amused sound, his hand coming into John’s vision as it rested over his wrist, stilling his actions. 

“That’s why I made the offer.” John felt his skin tingle beneath Alex’s hand, his stomach joining the Olympic Gymnastic team at the thought of Alex helping him take care of Frances, playing dolls with her, letting her braid his hair as she had done to John’s just last night— he had to push those thoughts away, a, because they were _doing_ things to John that he didn’t want to have to deal with in a public setting, and b, because he had asked Alex to meet him here for a reason and _that_ was definitely not it. 

“And I appreciate that a lot,” John began slowly, leaning back in his chair and moving his hands from the table - out of Alex’s reach. “That’s… that’s kind of why I wanted to see you. I—” John finally looked up and saw the concern that had suddenly fallen over Alex’s expression, the frown creasing his face, and, god, he wished he wasn’t the cause of that kicked puppy dog look. “Between Frances a-and my job at the hospital, I’m just not entirely sure that _this_ is something that can happen.” John gestured vaguely between them with one hand, pulling his lower lip between his teeth as he watched Alex’s expression carefully. Alex’s frown deepened, eyes searching John’s face, before he pulled his own hand back across the table and into his lap. 

“Of course,” he nodded, lifting one shoulder in a sort of shrug. “Like I said that night at the hospital, I completely understand. We could just be friends, o-or we don’t have to be anything, if you’d rather that, I—”

“I think… friends would be nice?” John swallowed thickly, he’d never broken up with someone before — did this count as a break up? They’d only gone out once, and even then it had the preface of ‘I don’t think I should date right now’ — he wasn’t sure what the ‘rules’ were, what he was expected to say or do now. “I, um… I really do like you, Alex, and I-I’m sorry for this - it’s just a bad time, and I get it if you’d rather not see me again at all—”

“John, it’s fine,” Alex insisted, he was leaning on the table again and that easy smile had returned to his lips, making John’s heart skip. “Seriously. You were up front with this when I first asked you out, it’s not like I’m going to hold it against you - and I definitely want to see you again. As long as you’re willing to grace me with your existence, I’ll be here — under whatever terms you’re comfortable with. And… even if we’re just friends, the offer to help you with Frances still stands.” 

John wasn’t sure how to respond, but he found himself smiling despite the confusion he was feeling, and Alex returned it. His voice was quiet when he finally managed out a “Thank you”, thankfully not including the _you’re literally being too perfect right now_  that followed in his mind. John felt like a weight had been lifted after Alex’s fairly positive reaction, he had been afraid this would mean losing Alex and he didn’t feel like he had the time to spare any thought as to _why_ that bothered him so badly. He definitely didn’t need to try and figure that out now, instead letting himself refocus as Alex jumped ahead and started telling John about a program that the man he worked for wanted to put into place. 

“He wants to get as many people as he can to come in and start teaching these kids a second language, which is great because a lot of them would be starting rather young,” Alex rambled on and on about the language program, telling John how he would be helping with the French tutors and how they were trying to get at least three different language options. Alex sounded so passionate about it John couldn’t help but grin, forgetting - at least for the next half hour - about every worry that had been weighing down on him the past few days. 

* * *

“You’re late,” Lafayette huffed as the shorter man ran up to him outside of the building, out of breath from his run from the train station. The man shook his head in place of an apology, setting to fix the ponytail that had mostly fallen out as he caught his breath. Lafayette’s face shifted from a look of annoyance to one of pride as he smirked and watched the other man, “Luckily, I always assume you’re going to be late so I gave you an earlier time.”

“What?” Alex had sprinted from the coffeeshop to the train station after saying goodbye to John, cursing the delayed lines as he watched the minutes tick by anxiously. He had spent the afternoon telling John about the new language program Washington was putting into place, but what he hadn’t mentioned was that the first lesson he would be helping with was that very evening. Alex knew he was cutting it close, re-reading the text he had gotten from Lafayette that morning with the details and working out in his mind exactly how much time he could spend with John before he would have to leave to still make it on time. He went over that time, because maybe John just wanted to be friends for now but Alex was still going to enjoy every moment of the man’s company that he could. John finally had to go so he could get ready for work, and Alex bolted to the nearest train, now glaring at Lafayette as he learned that he didn’t need to rush at all. 

“Our lesson doesn’t begin for another five minutes, _Alexandre_ , which means you can pull yourself together.” Lafayette turned and quickly hopped up the steps, opening the door to the building and bowing with a flourish as he gestured for Alex to go in before him. Alex rolled his eyes at the Frenchman’s dramatics, ascending the steps at a slower pace and smirking as Lafayette began to tap his foot. “I said five minutes, Alexander, not five years. Why were you so late anyway?” 

“I was busy,” Alex answered simply as he passed the man. Lafayette let the door shut behind them, stepping in front of Alex to lead him down a hall, toward a room they’d be tutoring the kids in. Alex had almost thought the Frenchman accepted his flimsy excuse, but of course as soon as they started sitting up chairs in the empty room Lafayette returned to the subject — in a way. He stood behind one of the chairs, arms crossed and hip cocked as he watched Alex with a scrutinizing eye. 

“ _What_?” Alex finally sighed, dropping the final chair into a row and facing Lafayette with his hands on his hips. Lafayette shrugged, remaining silent for another long moment until Alex began squirming beneath his gaze. 

“It wasn’t a meeting, you’re not upset. And you didn’t come in here ranting over Jefferson, so you weren’t dealing with him,” Lafayette drawled, stepping closer to Alex and looking him up and down. “Actually, you appear to be in a fairly good mood today. And I know you didn’t dress this well just to tutor some children, so who were you with?” 

“A friend,” Alex replied in a tight voice. He hadn’t avoided telling Lafayette about John necessarily, the two didn’t see each other quite as often as they used to so, really, he hadn’t had the _chance_. And when he did, he decided he wanted to keep the subject to himself - like now. 

“A _friend_ ,” Lafayette smirked. “Why haven’t you told me about this ‘friend’, _petit lion_? I thought we were close.” 

“Because he _is_ just a friend, there’s nothing to tell.” Alex turned away, surprised by how much the truth in that sentence bothered him. Of course he was okay just being friends with John, he liked John and he wanted the man to be part of his life however he could. Sure, Alex still found himself thinking about his lips, or the way his scrubs managed to make his ass look fantastic — though not as much as the jeans he wore outside of the hospital did — and _okay_ maybe Alex definitely had some not-so-friendly feelings for John, but he could put those away for now. He could wait. 

“Oh,” Lafayette frowned, annoyed that he wasn’t getting the information he wanted. He tilted his head, silent for only a moment before he tried again, “Was he cute?” 

Alex gave in with a sigh, knowing Lafayette would not give up until he got what he wanted one way or another. A quick look at the clock told him that they would only have a few minutes to discuss it anyway, and he could slip out right after the lesson and avoid further harassment from his friend. “Extremely,” he couldn’t but grin just at the thought of John. “And a doctor.” Lafayette lifted a brow, whistling low, impressed. 

“You did well,” he commented, nudging Alex’s shoulder with a proud smirk. “When’s the next date?” Alex’s smile faltered, turning into something more bittersweet. 

“There’s not one,” he answered softly, leaning against the back of a chair and looking at his feet. “We’re just friends, like I said. He’s… he’s got a kid, he wants to focus on her-”

“ _Wait_ ,” Lafayette’s hand shot out, gripping Alex’s arm, eyes growing wide as Alex looked back up at him. “You’re not _John’s_ Alex…” 

Alex frowned, bewildered, “You know John?” 

“Of course I know John!” Lafayette barked out a laugh, squeezing Alex’s arm and letting go. He pressed his hand to his forehead, turning in a circle as he muttered several French curses under his breath — those were definitely not on today’s vocabulary sheet. “ _Merde!_ He’s the old roommate! The one that lived with Herc and I a couple years ago, that we started babysitting for?” 

Alex’s mouth dropped a bit, “Seriously? Wait, you had a hot doctor friend and you _never_ introduced us?”

“You’re both such busy bodies,” Lafayette complained, waving off Alex’s offended expression. “If you had ever agreed to come out with us you would have met him much sooner, before Frances-” Lafayette stopped himself, suddenly the quietest he had been all evening. He turned toward the front of the room, as if that had been a very natural stopping point, and started to shuffle some papers on a desk. 

“What do you mean before Frances?” Alex stepped around the chair, coming up behind him. Lafayette just began shaking his head, not looking back. 

“ _Non_ , that is not my story to tell. He will tell you in his own time, Alexander.” Lafayette finally did turn around, shoving half of the stack of papers into Alex’s chest. “Come on, the children will be here any moment. Let’s get prepared.” 

* * *

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _Did you know we have a Frenchman in common?_

 

**_To: Alexander:_ ** _… what?_

 

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _Lafayette._

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _He’s helping with the language program, too._

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _But I’ve also known him and Hercules for a couple of years now._

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _What a small world, eh?_

 

**_To: Alexander:_ ** _yeah. wow. and you still had to get into a bar fight to meet me?_

 

John tried to be nonchalant, but he wasn’t even sure he could define the word nonchalant at this point. Frances had already been in bed when he got home, late again, and he apologized to Hercules as he left — the other man, of course, disregarded the apology entirely and told John it wasn't necessary, but John tried again anyway. Once John had changed out of his scrubs and settled down on the couch, he realized he had several unread texts. The one from Alex already setting him into a momentary panic — what all had he heard from Laf and Herc? Had they told him about their ex-roommate that suddenly had a child? Had they laughed about it behind John’s back, to Alex, about their pathetic friend that didn’t even know he had a _daughter_ in this world and now came crawling to them for help? 

_Get a grip,_ he commanded himself, taking a deep breath and flipping back to his messages to check the others. One from Hercules that he hadn’t caught, just letting him know that Frances had gone to bed, and a couple more from Lafayette. 

 

**_From: Laf_ ** _u have surprisingly good taste in men_

**_From: Laf:_ ** _I had planned to invite alexander to join herc and i some time but i guess we can let u have him_

**_From: Laf:_ ** _that is if u decide to have him. wat is this “just friends” bullshit_

 

John swallowed thickly, so Lafayette knew about what happened earlier. Alex had divulged that much information, John felt sick just thinking about what Lafayette may have shared in return. 

 

**_To: Laf:_ ** _how selfless of you. why didn’t I know you knew Alex?_

**_To: Laf:_ ** _and on top of that how much does he know about me through you now?_

 

John purposefully ignored the last question, he didn’t want to worry any else with the information they’d gotten at her check up until he knew exactly what was going on so Lafayette and Hercules didn’t know about the second doctor’s appointment they had the next day. That doctor’s appointment, though, and the stress and worry he’d felt since leaving Dr. Payne are what ultimately led to John’s decision. If something _was_ wrong with Frances, he couldn’t have distractions.

He was still debating on telling Lafayette and Hercules at this point, Frances was going to start school soon enough and they would be on a more synchronized schedule. He would work days at the hospital, hopefully get off in time to pick Frances up from school and they could spend their evenings together. He wouldn’t have to depend so heavily on Lafayette and Hercules watching her, he wouldn’t have to depend on anyone else _at_ _all_  — he could be there for her as much as possible. It would be work, and then Frances, and that’s what it would have to be — she depended on him, he couldn’t throw that onto other people all the time. His phone vibrated in his hand, two messages coming in at once. 

 

**_From: Laf:_ ** _It never came up. and just that u used to be our roomie and we babysit for u. the rest of ur life is urs to share, mon ami, i would not divulge that info_

 

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _If it takes fighting an asshole for us to meet, it will have been worth it. ;)_

 

John felt a wave of relief wash over him at Lafayette’s message, _of course they haven’t told him anything, give your friends more credit_. He shot back a reply before turning to Alex’s texts. 

 

**_To: Laf:_ ** _right of course. thank you laf._

 

John felt his cheeks flush at Alex’s response, smiling despite himself. 

 

**_To: Alexander:_ ** _are you always such a flirt?_

 

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _Does it bother you?_

 

John had to seriously consider that for a moment. He liked the fluttery feeling he got in his stomach when he read back over Alex’s text, and that seemed to remain when he thought about Alex in general. It didn’t bother him, though he felt that maybe it should — maybe he shouldn’t want this very attractive man that he needs to remain _only friends_ with to flirt with him, maybe he should be bothered because who knows where those implications could lead or how they could affect this friendship they’re trying for. But in the end, maybe it was selfish, but he liked the way Alex flirting with him made him feel. 

 

**_To: Alexander:_ ** _not at all_

 

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _Then I should be honest; when hot doctors are involved, I’m definitely a flirt. ;)_

That flutter again, and did Alex just _use a semi colon in a text_? John found himself laughing fondly at his phone, biting his bottom lip as he curled up on the couch and held the phone close to his chest. Part of him still felt that he shouldn’t have encouraged the flirtations, or taken part in them as much as he did the remainder of that night, but another part of him shut that part up entirely because John felt light and wasn’t worried sick for the following forty-five minutes that they texted. He eventually did say goodnight with the excuse of needing sleep because he had a long day tomorrow — and it wasn’t untrue, tomorrow as Frances’s cardiologist appointment.

As he slipped into bed next to Frances, all of those fears came rushing back, crushing him beneath the blankets, and John held the girl close when she curled into his new source of body heat. He tried to push all thoughts of tomorrow away as he fell asleep, and found them replaced instead with Alex’s laugh, the smile he imagined stretched over Alex’s face the entire time they were texting, and the way that his eyes crinkled when he smiled at John earlier. And Alex would be lying if he said his dreams weren’t full of some similar images of John. 

Maybe the ‘just friends’ thing was going to be a little more difficult than either of them had imagined. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd be pissed at Laf for not introducing me to his hot doctor friend, too, tbh, Alex. You're entirely justified. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Leave some more of those beautiful comments and kudos, they fuel me and they may get you an update faster. ;) (okay, I can't say that with confidence because I am still trying to be a good student and I have to turn in a full draft of a script on Wednesday so I'm not confident on when the next update will be - but they're still appreciated!!) 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan, let's be friends. I like friends. (we can be flirty friends like alex and john too if that's what you're into)


	6. you knock me out, i fall apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frances has another doctor's appointment, Alex finally tries froyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I think I won't update for another week, I write a new chapter in 2 days. When I think I can get a chapter out in 2 days, it takes me a week. Well, this story started taking a turn I wasn't expecting and I decided to run with it and here we are - you with a new chapter, me with some new angles to work with. (And maybe this became my way of coping with all my favorite froyo places around the city shutting down.) 
> 
> Grab some froyo, ice cream, or your favorite frozen treat and enjoy this chapter! (Unless you're anywhere on the east coast, because apparently Spring decided to take a lil break and let winter come back in - it was under 30 degrees in New York today?! WHAT? You all suffering the cold with me, grab a nice mug of hot chocolate. I've got the marshmallows.)

The day had finally come. John and Frances woke up early, John's entire being buzzing with nerves as they got ready to go to the pediatric cardiologist Dolley had gotten them an appointment with. He was supposed to be the best, and John was nervous about what the  _best_ cardiologist would end up finding wrong with his daughter. They ran several tests, John standing by Frances's side as much as he could throughout them. He knew he needed to get her a good treat after this visit, he couldn't imagine how terrifying all of the machinery and tests had to be for such a young girl. He was afraid to open his mouth, though, as they waited back in the exam room, because he wasn't sure what would come out - comforting words, or the granola bar he had eaten for breakfast? His stomach rolled as the doctor walked in through the door, holding Frances's chart and reading over it carefully. John was about to jump out of his skin from anticipation when he finally spoke. 

“It appears that Frances has an Atrial Septal Defect, which is—”

“A-a hole in her heart?” John felt like the world was falling out from beneath his feet, he leaned heavily against the exam table Frances was sitting on, no longer looking at the doctor. He felt Frances’s hand on his shoulder, her tiny fingers gripping at the material of his sleeve, and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer as the doctor’s voice started buzzing in his ear again. 

“Essentially,” the doctor nodded solemnly, clasping his hands in front of himself. “There’s a small opening in the septum, the wall between her left and right atria—”

“But that can be fixed,” John cut in, he didn’t need to hear anything more. He had read about ASDs, they were part of the extensive research he had been doing and, granted, he hoped that wouldn’t be the condition they found, he knew it was at least a curable one. “I-I read about it, you can fix an ASD with a-a catheterization—”

“Cardiac catheterization, yes,” the doctor nodded again, seeming impressed by John’s knowledge. “You certainly have done your research, Mr. Laurens—”

“ _Dr._  Laurens,” John corrected, not a fan of the doctor’s condescending tone. “I work with Dolley, I thought she — that doesn’t matter, _don’t_ talk down to me, just tell me you’re going to fix it — She doesn’t start school for another two weeks, is it possible to get it done before then so she doesn’t end up missing—”

“ _Dr. Laurens_ ,” the doctor interrupted him, crossing his arms and letting out a laugh and _how could he be laughing right now_ , John wanted to put his face through the clipboard in his hands. “The opening isn’t that large, Frances is still young, and very healthy, it will more than likely close in its own time. I don’t think any kind of procedure will be needed, and this most likely won’t have any effects on her.” 

John paused, the floor becoming a little more solid beneath his feet and he looked down at Frances. She looked between John and the cardiologist nervously, the hand not gripping John’s sleeve placed over her chest as if she were trying to feel the hole they claimed to be in her heart. His voice sounded weak to his own ears, though out of relief, the fear he’d been holding since her first appointment finally melting away, “She’s going to be fine?” 

The doctor gave the two of them a warm smile, turning the chart in his hands around as he began to scribble something down, assuring them, “She’s going to be fine. I’d like you to bring her in again in a few months so we can check on it, we’ll keep an eye on it for the next couple of years or so, but I’m not expecting any complications. Just be aware of any warning signs, shortness of breath, erratic heartbeat, anything out of the ordinary, bring her back in immediately. Any questions?”

John shook his head, leaning his head to kiss the top of Frances’s head as the doctor promised to schedule a follow-up appointment soon and excused himself on to the next patient. Frances tipped her head back, one hand still clutching her own chest, face contorted with a mixture of worry and confusion. “Daddy, what does a hole in my heart mean?”

“There’s a little wall in your heart that separates the left and right side, and that wall is missing a piece — but it’s going to be okay, sometimes it fixes itself and the doctor said it shouldn’t be a problem,” John brushed her curly hair out of her face, pressing another kiss to her forehead and smiling out of sheer _relief_. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, from his entire _being_ , and a soft laugh rumbled from his now that there was suddenly _room_. Frances seemed to calm down, too, John’s explanation and the sudden laughter comforting her. Her fingers loosened from his shirt sleeve. “You were really brave during all of those tests, baby girl, I’m proud of you. How about we go out as a reward, you wanna get some frozen yogurt?”

“Yes!” Frances’s face lit up and she threw her hands up, wrapping them around John’s neck as he picked her up, laughing more at her reaction. 

* * *

Frances was talking a mile a minute as they stepped into the frozen yogurt shop, one of the few left in this part of town as they all seemed to be closing down rather rapidly. John always felt a bit sad when he saw another shop close down, he loved frozen yogurt, but thankfully this place was still in business. He grabbed two of the smaller cups, handing one to Frances and watching as the girl immediately darted over to the yogurt machines. John followed behind her, reading off the flavors and gauging her reaction, varying between utter disgust (adorably displayed with her tongue stuck out and eyes screwed shut) and absolute delight (which she showed with a flick of her tongue over her lips and rubbing at her tummy). Once John had filled their cups with a base flavor, Frances hit the toppings bar and started piling gummies on top of chocolate candies on top of _more_ gummies. He kept it simple, some chocolate chips and nuts, he let Frances artistically place a gummy worm atop of his yogurt — she demanded he needed some color to make it “look more yummy”. After he paid for their desserts he followed Frances over to a booth near the front of the shop, watching with amusement as she delved into her yogurt, her face quickly covered in the sticky caramel syrup she had insisted on adding. 

John ate his yogurt in silence, just enjoying the sight and company of his happy, _healthy_ , daughter. The bell above the door of the shop chimed and Frances’s eyes immediately darted over John’s shoulder, he hadn’t imagined she could look much happier than she did with her face full of strawberry yogurt and gummy worms, but her eyes shot wide and she jumped to her feet in the booth as she called out, “Uncle Laf!” 

John looked over his shoulder to find that, sure enough, Lafayette had just walked in and was quickly making his way over to the table, grinning from ear to ear as he kissed Frances on both cheeks, tactfully avoiding the mess on her face. Even more unexpected than Lafayette was the man John noticed behind him, Alex looked over at John almost _shyly_ , giving him a small wave and a gentle smile. This was the man who had spent most of last night flirting with John through thoughtful punctuation usage, he definitely never came off as shy before.

“ _Bonsoir_ , Laurens,” Lafayette’s greeting pulled John’s attention away from Alex and to the Frenchman now holding Frances on his hip. “Sorry, we did not mean to interrupt father-daughter time-”

“Hey, no, you’re fine,” John shook his head, giving his friend a smile and returning the gesture as Lafayette leaned down to kiss his cheek. His eyes flicked back over to Alex for a second. “What are you two doing here?” 

“Laf got offended when I told him I’ve never had frozen yogurt,” Alex explained quickly, ducking his head as Lafayette scoffed. 

“I had to fix that,” he declared. 

“Who is he?” Frances whispered to Lafayette, though she wasn’t subtle or quiet about it at all. Lafayette answered her quietly, offering his name and saying he was a friend. She still continued to eye Alex, wheels turning in her head until she finally made the connection and pointed to him excitedly. “You’re the sick man!” 

“ _Frances_ ,” Lafayette began to scold her, apparently neither John nor Alex told him how they had actually met and they both shared a look and a snicker. 

“He was daddy’s patience when you took me to the hospital after my night scares,” Frances tried to explain, not understanding Lafayette’s scolding tone. “He was sick and daddy fixed him.” Lafayette turned to the two snickering men, furrowing his brows.

“You were in the hospital that night?” Lafayette asked Alex accusingly, Alex just shrugged sheepishly and looked down at his shoes. Lafayette let it drop, though his expression told Alex it wouldn’t be dropped forever. “We’ll discuss your health later.” 

“Maybe you should’ve been braverer,” Frances said matter-of-factly to Alex, leaning toward him in Lafayette’s arms. Lafayette smirked at the little girl’s tone, turning so she could face him better. “Then maybe my daddy would have gotten you frozen yogurt, too. I went to the doctors today and I was the bravest through all the tests, that’s why I got some.” 

“Maybe I should have,” Alex agreed with a frown and a nod. “But doctors are scary, you must be the bravest girl in the world — you _live_ with one.” Frances giggled behind her hand and it made Alex smile, John watched the interaction with a rapidly beating heart. He had not prepared himself to witness Alex interact with Frances, and it wasn’t fair how well he was doing with her. When she spoke he gave her the same intent look that he gave John, listening to every word she said and responding thoughtfully, not just brushing off her comments because she was a kid as most adults would. 

Lafayette once again tore John’s attention away from Alex, thankfully because John wasn’t sure what he would do if he watched the way Alex’s eyes crinkled up as he smiled at Frances. “What did she go to the doctor for today?” 

“Oh,” John tried to think of a lie, or a half-truth, quickly. He forgot that he hadn’t even mentioned a second appointment to Lafayette and Hercules, and even though the doctor had said it would all be okay he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell them what they had found out that day. He didn’t want anyone to start treating Frances differently, because he knew it would already be hard for him to keep letting her run and play as if nothing was wrong with her. 

Frances beat him to the punch, “I have a hole in my heart.” Lafayette’s eyes widened as he looked between her and her father. Alex had obviously been friends with Laf for a while, he quickly registered the situation and realized the two needed a minute. He stepped forward, speaking to Frances again. 

“Hey, Frances, you seem like a frozen yogurt connoisseur, do you want to help me pick out what kind I want?” Alex turned to John, a silent ‘ _Is this okay?_ ’ look in his eyes and John nodded once at the same moment that Frances began nodding her head frantically, reaching out for Alex. John tried to ignore Alex taking France into his arms, the grin that passed over his lips at the girl’s excitement, and how right he looked holding her. Instead he braced himself for the onslaught of questions that Lafayette was about to unleash once Alex and Frances were far enough away. 

“What does she mean?” Lafayette slid down into the booth across from John, leaning on his elbows and trying to keep his head. “Is there something wrong with her heart? Is she going to be okay? Don’t you think this is something you should _mention_ to her babysitters in case something happens while we’re watching her?” 

“We just found out today,” John spoke carefully and quietly, crossing his hands over the table top and leaning forward, trying to give them some sense of privacy in the otherwise empty shop. “Her doctor heard a heart murmur during her check up and sent us to a pediatric cardiologist and he found a small opening—”

“Why are you so _calm_?” Lafayette whispered harshly, bewildered by John’s even tone, _did he hear what he was saying?_ Lafayette felt like he was going to be sick, hearing that that poor little girl had a heart defect. Frances was a precious child, she was brilliant and charismatic and Lafayette could see her going  places, especially knowing that John was taking care of her - but what did this mean for her? 

“Because she’s going to be fine,” John assured his friend, placing a hand over Lafayette’s and stroking his thumb over the skin. Lafayette appreciated the comforting gesture, not that it really comforted him _that_ much. They were still talking about something wrong with Frances’s _heart_ , but he let John continue rather than cutting in with his worries. “The doctor said it’s small enough to not effect her, that it will probably close on its own - and even so, I’ve looked up the procedure to fix it. It would be quick and easy, she’d only spend a night in the hospital. Frances is going to be _fine_ , Laf, I promise. If it had been anything serious, I would have told you, but as it is I don’t want her to be treated any differently. She’s healthy.”

Lafayette leaned back in the booth, letting this all sink in. He still felt queasy, not entirely understanding how something that sounded so tragic - a fucking _hole in her heart_ , for Christ’s sake - could be so harmless. He studied John’s face and he seemed perfectly at ease with the information, didn’t appear to have a concern in the world. John was a doctor, too, so Lafayette really felt no choice but to try to accept that she was perfectly fine, considering it was information coming from _two_ doctors. “Do we need to look out for anything while we’re with her? Just in case…” Lafayette trailed off, but John understood. 

“Shortness of breath, erratic heartbeat, if she complains of any chest pains,” John began listing off the signs and symptoms of a worsening heart condition that he had memorized through his past two days of research. “But don’t worry about it, kids are creepy and they can pick up on moods. I don’t want her to get freaked out over it, she was scared at first but she seems to have accepted that she’ll be okay — so we need to as well.” Laf nodded, eyes dropping to the table as he took a calming breath. _She’s fine. Everything’s fine. Not even a hole in her heart could stop that little girl_. When Lafayette looked back up he noticed John was beginning to smile, but not at him. John was looking off over Lafayette’s shoulder, not seeming to notice that he’d now been caught staring at something - or some _one_ , Lafayette realized once he glanced over his shoulder to follow John’s gaze. 

Just a few feet behind them, Alex still held Frances on his hip, letting the girl pull the lever for the frozen yogurt machine while he held his bowl beneath it. Once they had finished with that one, Frances pointed to another machine and Alex walked them over, letting her put a little bit of that yogurt in as well. He watched Frances with adoration, doing whatever she asked of him, moving between machines until his bowl was filled with five different kinds of froyo that Frances assured him he would love. He appeased the girl because it made her smile. She had John’s smile, a toothy grin, and he would not rest until it was all he saw from both of them. 

Lafayette turned back to John, shaking his head with an amused smile. “Oh, John, have you got it bad…” John started to disagree, but Lafayette put a hand up, stopping him before he could start. “I know, I know, you’re ‘just friends’,” he paused, shrugging his shoulders. “So were Hercules and I.” 

“That is entirely different!” John argued, and Lafayette only laughed.

As those two bickered, Frances finally decided that Alex had enough frozen yogurt flavors in his cup. “One time ago, daddy brought me in here to cheer me up and we got a lots of the tasty cups and we tasted _every_ favor,” she informed the man, using her finger to clean up the bit of red velvet yogurt that threatened to fall over the edge of Alex’s cup. She licked it off, looking Alex in the eye as she continued in a serious tone, “That’s how I know you’re gonna like these. I tasted ‘em.” 

“Well, I’m very glad I came to you for help then,” Alex said with the utmost sincerity, and Frances’s grin seemed to turn into a smirk as she turned her head to look back at the table where John and Lafayette were still talking.

She leaned closer to his ear, whispering conspiratorially, “It’s a good thing, because my daddy has really icky favorites.” Alex let out an exaggerated gasp and Frances nodded solemnly as she continued, “Yeah, when I first came here the only ice cream he had was _pistachio_.” 

“Hey,” Alex frowned at the girl. “I like pistachio ice cream.” 

Frances groaned, “You’re just like _him_. Hopeless!” She wiggled in his arms, urging him to place her back on her feet and once he did she reached for his cup of yogurt. “Can I decorate your toppings?” He handed the cup over easily, how could you say no to those wide green eyes and that pouted bottom lip? 

“Just remember, I’m allergic to coconut,” he told her. She made a sound of affirmation before sprinting over to the toppings bar and Alex followed behind her, crossing his arms as he watched her work. She seemed to have a system, moving from the sprinkles to the hard candies, to the gummies. She carefully considered every food item before placing it into the bowl, following a pattern that only she seemed to know. It was a whole process, but at some point in the middle of it she turned her head to look back at Alex. 

“Are you the friend my daddy has been going out with?” She watched him, her expression knowing, and he gave her a small nod. Her lips turned up at the corners as she sing-songed, “He wants to kiss you.” 

Alex crinkled his brow, “What makes you say that?” He ignored the way his heart kicked at the notion, the very loud voice in the back of his mind that simply screamed ‘ _WOW, ME TOO’_ , and instead watched as the girl turned back to her work. 

“When you came in here he gave you the ‘I wanna kiss you’ look,” she stated, as if Alex should have known this already. “I saw my mommy give it to people all the time. I know it was an ‘I wanna kiss you’ look because they always kissed after it. Why didn’t you kiss my daddy?” 

_Oh, if only you knew how complicated that answer was_ , Alex thought, still taken aback by how insightful this child seemed to be. Were all kids like this and he just missed it? Or was this what happened when you let one of the most literally perfect humans procreate, and Alex could only imagine who her mother must have been — he set that aside, re-focusing once more on the girl but avoiding the question, “I wasn’t aware there was such thing as an ‘I wanna kiss you’ look.” 

“There is,” Frances assured him, placing a final gummy bear on the top of his frozen yogurt before grabbing the bowl and handing it back to him. She grabbed at his arm when he leaned down to take the bowl from her, making him kneel down to her level as she lowered her voice, “I don’t think daddy is very happy, but he was really smiley and stuff after he came home from with you that one day — kisses and hugs make me happy, but mine aren’t working, so that means you gotta do it. Okay?” 

Those eyes, that pout, and Alex couldn’t say no. “Okay,” he returned the smile that she gave him, straightening and taking her hand as he went to the register to pay for his yogurt. They joined Lafayette and John back at the table, Frances moving into the booth next to Lafayette before Alex had the chance and making sure he sat next to John. 

“What is _that_?” John asked as Alex slid in next to him, eyeing the nearly overflowing yogurt bowl. 

“I made it!” Frances chirped, grinning proudly. “Taste it, Alex, taste it!” She watched as Alex took a giant spoonful of frozen yogurt, gummy bears, and what several other candies he couldn’t really identify. John and Lafayette watched in a mixture of horror and amusement as he took his first bite. Too many flavors hit his tongue at once and it took everything in him to fake a smile and tell Frances it was delicious. 

“Well, I think it’s about time I get some, too,” Lafayette declared. Frances turned to him, begging to help, though Alex did not miss the way she looked back at him with a plotting smirk. Lafayette agreed on the grounds that he controlled what actually went into the bowl and the two moved to the back of the shop, leaving Alex and John alone. Alex finally managed to swallow, sticking his tongue out and letting out a dissatisfied sound. 

“Your kid’s cute, but I don’t think her tastebuds have fully developed — or she just doesn’t understand how flavors should go together,” he commented, pushing his frozen yogurt away. John chuckled, pulling Alex’s bowl over for closer inspection, and he grimaced just at the thought of actually putting that combination of flavors into his mouth. He pushed his own bowl, still half full, toward Alex. Alex started to shake his head, but John just took the spoon from his hand and scooped some yogurt onto it, holding it out to Alex. 

“You need to have an actual taste of froyo before you cut it out entirely,” he insisted, pushing the spoon toward Alex’s mouth. He had intended for Alex to take the spoon back entirely, so when the man leaned forward and wrapped his mouth around the offered food, John was caught off guard. Add the fact that Alex did not break eye contact as he did this? John swallowed hard, placing the spoon into the bowl as Alex leaned away. 

“Not bad,” Alex said a second later, apparently not phased by the oddly intimate moment, and scrunched up his nose as he looked up at John. “But Frances wasn’t wrong about you having bland taste.” 

John scoffed, “She said I had bland taste?” 

“Well, technically she said you had ‘really icky favorites’,” Alex lifted a shoulder as he reached out to take another bite of John’s yogurt. “But you came to froyo and got _vanilla_? Bland.” 

“I just enjoy the classics,” John defended himself, crossing his arms on the table. They were quiet for another long moment, Alex seeming to enjoy digging into the remainder of John’s froyo despite his complaints of it being ‘bland’. John finally spoke up again, needing to say something before watching Alex’s lips wrap around that spoon led him to do something he shouldn’t do in a public place. “Frances seems to like you already.” 

“I like her, too,” Alex said, smiling as he looked toward the girl in question. She was spinning around Lafayette’s legs as he looked over the various flavor options, seeming to be taking his sweet time. Neither of them were complaining, and Alex decided to take the chance, “She told me to kiss you.” 

John choked on air, eyes widening as Alex looked back at him in alarm. “ _What_?” 

“She thinks you’re unhappy,” Alex explained, trying not to show his amusement at John’s reaction and keep an even tone. “And that her hugs and kisses aren’t working to make you happy, so I had to do it.” 

“I’m not unhappy,” John tried to argue and Alex just held his hands up in defense. 

“Hey, hey, I’m just re-telling the story,” he dropped his hands back down, his look more suggestive when he turned his eyes to John. “Not that I think it’s a bad idea.” John frowned, as if that would help cover the sudden color flooding to his cheeks, and he only frowned harder when Alex grinned at the reaction. His eyes crinkled up in that way that John couldn’t stop thinking of, and he swears he could get lost in those eyes, live forever in the way Alex looked at him. Alex took another chance, darting forward and pressing a kiss to John’s cheek, a bit too cold and slightly sticky from the froyo, but John wasn’t going to complain.

“She didn’t have such a bad theory,” Alex mused, watching the small smile fight it’s way over John’s lips despite his best efforts. John refused to look at him, eyes trained on the table top as his hand came up to cup the cheek that Alex had kissed, as if he could hold it there forever. Lafayette and Frances returned a few minutes later, as Alex was finishing the last of John’s froyo and now offering Frances the masterpiece she had created for him. If John had been in any state to open his mouth, he would have told them that _no_ that was far too much sugar for her to have in one day, but John wasn’t sure what noise would escape if he tried to say anything at this point. His cheek was still tingling beneath his hand where Alex’s lips had been, his skin feeling electric, and Lafayette gave them both a knowing smirk when he noticed how pink John’s face was.  Frances noticed, too, giving Alex another one of those huge, toothy smiles — matching the exact one on John’s face at the moment. 

Alex was definitely going to try to make sure this became commonplace in his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I just wanna thank you all for reading! Your comments and kudos give me reason to live! (Or at least, keep writing), so drop me a few. I gave you some sweet stuff as an apology for making you all sad and scared for the last two chapters. 
> 
> Wanna watch me cry over Hamilton and other various musicals/historical figures/pretty much anything nowadays tbqh? Wanna cry with me? 
> 
> Come be my friendito on Tumblrico: @hypeulesnochilligan (no experience necessary, any and all applicants welcome)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes John an offer he doesn't want to refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn Pip, back at it again with those vague ass summaries. 
> 
> Yo, so, first of all, I meant to get this done on Friday but - well, time was not my friend and I ended up working every day. But I also got to see the beautiful face of Jonathon Groff in human after his last Hamilton performance, so I can't really complain that much. 
> 
> I've also just been in a shitty headspace lately, which is why this is way nicer and fluffier than I had originally planned. I hope you all enjoy!

John hadn’t really spent a night with Frances since the first week he took her in. There had been a few here and there closer to the beginning, but after they seemed to settle into the idea of being a - admittedly small - family unit John was working nights, and leaving his friends to watch her until he got home — which was always long after she laid down for bed. Now they were approaching Frances’s first day of school and John had officially been switched to working the ER during the days, which meant he finally got to spend the afternoon and evening with his daughter. Frankly, however, John was exhausted after his first day shift. He kept things simple for dinner, his classic rice and beans with asparagus on the side - it was the meal that got him through most of his college years. Frances took a little convincing when it came to the greens, but thankfully she seemed to like rice this week and dinner went smoothly, not a single fit thrown. Afterwards, Frances asked if they could watch a movie together and John was more than accepting of the idea, too tired to do much else. They watched  _The Emperor’s New Groove_ , which he was sure she had already watched many times with Herc and Laf considering how well she quoted it as she giggled into her hands at her favorite parts. Once it was over she jumped from the couch, spinning around the living room and quoting her favorite lines, John watching her with amusement. She bounded over to John, using his legs to keep her balance as she started jumping up and down in front of him and asking if they could watch it again. John laughed, shaking his head.

“Not tonight, my little llama, I think it’s time for bed. Let’s go brush your teeth,” he stood and Frances grabbed his hand, far more excited over brushing her teeth than John anticipated, and dragging him toward the bathroom. He leaned against the door frame as she squeezed the toothpaste over the brush with as much precision as a five year old could manage, tongue poking out from the corner of her mouth in concentration. She tossed the tube of toothpaste to the side when she was done, soaking the brush in water once more before bringing it to her mouth. She met John’s eyes in the bathroom mirror, pausing with the toothbrush halfway to her mouth, an expectant look on her face, “Aren you gonna sing the song?”

John’s brows knitted together in confusion, “What song?”

Frances heaved a sigh, dropping the toothbrush onto the counter and turning to face him. Despite his confusion he was amused by the way she stood with her hands on her hips, giving him a stern look. “The teeth brushing song! Uncle Laf always sings me the teeth brushing song!” 

John shook his head slowly, “I don’t know the song, sweetheart-”

Frances let out a loud groan, stomping her foot. “Then _how_  am I s’posed to know how long to brush for!” She threw her hands up, turning her back to him and crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when you’re done, baby girl,” John assured her, but he could see in the mirror how her eyes were beginning to fill with tears. John sighed, rubbing at his temples, he was definitely too tired for a fit right before bed. “Baby, I don’t know the song you’re talking about.” 

“I want Uncle Laf,” Frances cried, reaching out to grab her toothbrush and throwing it into the sink furiously. “Uncle Laf knows the song! Uncle Laf sings it to me, I can’t brush my teeth without the song!” 

“Frances, it’s just you and me tonight-” John started, but Frances only huffed as tears started rolling down her rosy cheeks. “Do you know the words?” Frances shook her head slowly, sniffling and John ran a hand through his hair. “Frances, _please_. Just brush your teeth, you’re tired and we need to get to bed.” 

“No!” Frances shouted over her shoulder, leaning against the edge of the counter and tilting her head over the sink. She sniffled between words, “I need… the _song_ … I can’t without the song… I want Uncle Laf…” 

John moved closer to the girl, placing a hand on her shoulder but she jerked her body away from him. He felt his annoyance flare in his chest, along with something else at the way she twisted away from him. He put on his best fatherly voice, trying to sound stern but gentle, “Frances Laurens, you need to brush your teeth. I’ll talk to uncle Laf, I’ll learn the song, but for tonight you’re going to have to—”

“ _No!_ ” Frances screeched, making John flinch as the sharp noise left the girl’s mouth. She let out another cry, folding her arms over the counter and burying her face into the crook of her elbow. John leaned against the wall, letting his head fall back with a loud _thunk_ that covered his aggravated sigh. Frances’s cries filled the small bathroom as John tried to think through to a solution, Frances wasn’t a difficult child by any means, but she certainly had her moments and they left John’s head aching with frustration at not knowing how to help or get her to listen to him. He finally came up with an idea, unsure if it would work but at this point anything was worth a try. 

“ _Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq,_ ” he started singing softly, slowly raising his voice until Francis’s cries subsided and she listened to him. She sniffled, wiping at her nose and lifting her head to look at him. 

“That’s not the song,” she murmured, her red eyes glaring up at him. 

“It’s the only song I’ve got,” he replied before starting back at the beginning. Frances let out another frustrated sound to cover his voice, but John persisted. 

“You’re just _counting_ ,” she grumped. 

“To a tune, which makes it a song. I don’t know the song uncle Laf sings to you, baby girl, so this is the only song I have. I’ll sing to sixty two times, and that’s how long you should brush your teeth. Sound good for tonight?” John watched her, seeming to think it over, though her brows remained drawn tightly together, an angry crease between her eyes. She huffed again, forcefully grabbing her toothbrush from where it had been tossed into the sink. She shoved it into her mouth, brushing at her teeth hard and still glaring at his reflection in the mirror. 

“Be careful, sweetheart, don’t hurt yourself,” he cautioned before he started singing again. He ran through the numbers at a careful pace, counting to sixty twice in French and smiling a bit to himself when Frances seemed to calm down as she dragged her toothbrush clumsily over her teeth. Once he finished she washed her mouth out, turning back to him and flashing her freshly cleaned smile. It was a stark contrast against her red-rimmed eyes, still wet from her earlier crying. John brushed his thumb over the tops of her cheeks, wiping away the tears that still sat there, and bent down to press a kiss to her hairline which made her giggle. He wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to these wild mood swings. “You ready for bed now?” Frances nodded, letting John lead her into the bedroom and get them both changed before snuggling up beneath the blankets. Frances didn’t hesitate to burrow into John’s side, cuddling close. 

* * *

 

Alexander Hamilton never threw away his shot at anything. When he was younger he dreamed of getting away from his home in the Caribbean, and of course he believed most of the people telling him that it was a far-fetched idea. After all, how did the bastard orphan expect to do something that even the most educated and well off locals couldn’t? But once he was presented with the opportunity he knew he couldn’t pass it up. A close friend of a close friend had gotten their hands on something Alex had written, sent it to a few other close friends, and within a few months they were collecting money to send Alex to the states. He didn’t question it, he didn’t say no, he was not throwing away his shot — so he boarded that ship and he went to New York, and he never looked back. 

The man who had defeated all odds his entire life did not believe there was a challenge he couldn’t overcome, not if it was something he wanted badly enough, and _oh_ did Alex want John _badly_. There had been long talks, John explaining his situation to Alex, admitting that he was afraid of letting anyone into their lives that may not stay. Alex listened, nodded, understood. All of John’s fears and reservations were entirely valid, and he couldn’t blame the man — but Alex wasn’t leaving, he cared about John and Frances more than he even anticipated. Alex had never felt so drawn to someone else, not even in a sexual way, but he just wanted to _know_ John more. He wanted to know his story, his life, what he loved and hated, what made his eyes light up and what caused that crinkle of disgust between his brows. Of course, he couldn’t deny that John was attractive and having a physical relationship with the man would not be the worst thing, but Alex knew that he would be happy with anything the man let him have. He caught the way John’s eyes lingered on him sometimes, though, and he wasn’t doubtful that these feelings were mutual, John was just scared to act on them. Alex knew that he had a shot at having a life with John in it, if not having a life _with_ John, and he was not throwing it away. 

He invited John out every few days, just an hour here or there to get coffee, a bite to eat, maybe go on a walk. He never asked to come over, respecting John wanting to keep him away from Frances for the time being. But that slowly changed, and John invited Alex to spend some time with them before he had to go to work. On those days, Alex would walk John to the hospital before catching a train back to his place. Frances would remain at home and giggle to Lafayette and Hercules about how she thinks Alex and John are going to become ‘kissing friends’. Even with these small steps, John’s reservations stand. He doesn’t want to date, because if something goes wrong between them it will affect Frances. Alex doesn’t argue, for the first time in his life. John is the only person Alex doesn’t seriously argue with, he even gets into heated disputes with Hercules - despite knowing the larger man could break him if he got at him the wrong way - but Alex never dared to argue with John.

He was, however, eager to do more for John to prove himself. To show the other than he did genuinely care about them both, and that he did not have any intentions of abandoning them. Alex may not argue with John, but that doesn’t mean he exactly keeps up his filter, and as they’re walking to the hospital he’s blurting out his thoughts before he could convince himself not to. 

“Let me make you dinner.” 

It caught John off guard, he turned to Alex in surprise, brows drawing together. “What?” 

“Let me make you dinner,” Alex repeated. “You and Frances, we can invite Laf and Herc, too, if you want.” 

“Wha-” John still didn’t seem to understand, he came to a stop in front of the main entrance and stood in front of Alex. 

“You don’t want to go out a lot, and I get that and totally understand and respect it as your decision - but I- I wanna do something for you?” Alex bit his lip, suddenly feeling a little silly making the offer. They weren’t dating, technically, but they were getting closer. Alex wanted to spend more and more time with John and Frances. He wanted to prove that he could be there, that he could stay there. John knew he wouldn’t lose Laf and Herc because they were his best friends, well, he had already dragged Alex too far in with those mesmerizing green eyes and the hypnotic pattern of freckles that fell across his face. “Now you’re working at the hospital all day, I’m sure that’s got to be exhausting and cooking is a task, so… let me make you all dinner sometime?” 

And John, working against the tiny, nagging voice in the back of his head, agreed. Two nights later, Alex came over barely an hour after John got off work, arms full of grocery bags that he set down on one of the counters. John gave him free reign of the kitchen, pointing out where a few things were before Alex set to work. John watched him, curiously, maybe a bit cautiously, from the other side of the kitchen. Alex glanced over at the other man as he started chopping some green peppers. 

“Where’s Frances?” He questioned, trying to fill the silence of the room. He wasn’t sure if it could be categorized as an awkward silence, per se, but it didn’t feel comfortable. It felt - nervous, like John still wasn’t sure about this idea and Alex wished he knew what to do to set the man at ease. 

“Napping,” John’s voice was quiet, almost covered up by the sound of Alex’s knife against the cutting board. He cleared his throat before continuing, “Hercules took her back to school shopping earlier, she’s worn out. Apparently she refused to lay down until I got home, but she was out within ten minutes of me walking through the door.” 

Alex couldn’t help but grin as he transferred the chopped peppers into a pan, “Speaking of Herc, will he and Laf be joining us tonight?” 

“Laf should,” John answered, stepping closer as he observed the man’s cooking. “Herc said he’s got a bitchy client, so he had to head to the shop as soon as I got home and can’t leave until he’s finished her dress. Classic bridezilla, he seems to get at least one every season.” 

“I can make a little extra, drop by and make sure he has some dinner,” Alex decided, reaching for another bag to pull out some more ingredients. 

“Do you need any help?” John was full of anxious energy next to him, and it only seemed to get worse when Alex shook his head and assured the man he could manage himself. Alex looked at him from the corner of his eye, catching the nervous expression on his face as Alex turned on the burner. 

“You don’t trust me to cook in your kitchen,” Alex declared, turning to John just as he scoffed. He didn’t hide his thoughts well. 

“Sure I do.” 

“No,” Alex shook his head, some of his hair falling into his face. He brushed it out of the way, spinning back around to the stove mostly to hide the smile playing at the corner of his lips. “You’re hovering.” 

“I’m just… observing,” John tried, and Alex just felt relieved that the tension seemed to dissipate in John’s haste to not offend him. 

“Because you don’t trust me.” A heavy sigh behind him, Alex tossed a few more things into the pan. 

“Your sandwiches are soggy,” John finally said after a long moment of silence. This did catch Alex by surprise, the shock on his face real when he turned his head to John. 

“Ex _cuse_ me?” 

“Not that I appreciate them any less because of it! But… they’re soggy, the bread just gets all soft and limp and - if your sandwiches are soggy it just makes me curious about how well you can cook.” 

“If you didn’t like my sandwiches, you just had to say something.” Alex hummed, pretending to be more offended than he really was. He may not argue with John, but it was fun to get him flustered. 

“Alexander! I like them, they’re just… not perfect—”

“Well, we can’t all be sandwich connoisseurs, Laurens—”

“Alex—”

“— _but_ , my soggy sandwiches don’t make me a bad cook.” 

“I didn’t mean—”

Alex sat the wooden spoon he had been using down on the counter, turning to John with a teasing smirk and placing his hands on the other’s shoulders. “John. _Chill_ , I’m joking. Though I could have handled the constructive criticism on my sandwiches. Are they really that bad?” John paused, bit his lip and scrunched up his nose as he nodded. Alex wanted to kiss the tip of that scrunched nose. “Well, hopefully this dinner will redeem my culinary skills in your eyes.” He let go of John’s shoulders and returned his focus to the food, maybe with a bit more determination than before.

John didn’t move away, he continued watching over Alex’s shoulder, hoping that Alex wasn’t getting annoyed. He definitely wasn’t. “What are you making?”

“It’s a grilled chicken recipe from the Caribbean,” Alex replied, noticing John’s intrigued look in the corner of his eye. 

“How exotic,” John muttered, he hadn’t even intended to be heard, but Alex still responded. 

“Maybe to you, but I grew up with it. You know, there’s actually a lot discourse in the food community surrounding the use of ‘exotic’ to describe food when really all it means is ‘unfamiliar’. Caribbean food is exotic to you, but your home cuisine would be exotic to me - it sounds kind of ridiculous, right? And it’s all part of this bigger discourse surrounding culinary tourism versus culinary colonialism, and how we should engage with another culture’s food,” Alex’s eyes lit up as he continued talking, explaining these different concepts to John as he cooked. He nearly tossed the spatula across the kitchen as he threw a hand up in the middle of making a point - Alex talked with his hands a lot, it was a trait John found adorable and entertaining to watch. He was so animated when he was talking about something that really piqued his interested, which seemed to be _everything_. John moved from behind him, leaning against the counter and watching the man try to gesture wildly while also working on the meal. He was off on a tangent, and John didn’t really understand half of the things he was saying, but the dulcet tones of Alex’s voice wrapped around him and Alex could read a grocery list and John would probably be happy to just listen. 

Alex’s lecture was cut short by the soft pattering of feet against the floor. Frances appeared in the entry way of the kitchen, rubbing at her eyes sleepily and yawning. All traces of her tired state seemed to melt away as soon as she saw Alex standing at the stove, her face lighting up, and she launched herself into his legs. “Alex!” Alex chuckled, patting the top of her head gently. Frances turned her head up to look at John, eyebrows lowered and lip pouting. “Daddy, why didn’t you tell me that Alex was here?” 

John’s jaw dropped, feigning offense at his daughter’s harsh tone. “You were asleep!” 

“You could’a waked me up,” Frances stuck her tongue out, turning up to Alex with outstretched arms. “Up, up!” And in the next moment, she was being settled onto Alex’s hip, resting her head on his shoulder as he used his opposite hand to stir the food in the pan. “What’re you makin’, Alex?”

“Grilled chicken,” he told her. "Well, baked chicken technically - Either way, it's going to be delicious, I think you'll love it."

John held his hands out to take Frances, "Come on, baby girl, let's go get washed up and let Alex finish cooking." 

Less than an hour later, Lafayette had arrived and the four of them sat down at John's small kitchen table, overloaded with chicken and vegetables and far more food than John's kitchen had seen in a while. Lafayette seemed to be just as cautious in regards to Alex's cooking as John had, which only further bruised Alex's ego. It only made the surprise on their faces as they took their first bites that much sweeter, Alex grinning proudly as they apologized and complimented the food. Even Frances ate without fuss, informing John that he needed to let Alex cook more often because she was tired of rice. 

"Is that all he cooks for you?" Alex asked out of shock. 

“Hey, I grew up eating a lot of rice and I turned out just fine,” John defended. “It’s a nice go-to, you can add veggies or beans. And it’s healthier than just tossing a pack of ramen into a pot.” 

"Our dear John is not very experienced in the kitchen," Lafayette added. "Frances, _mon amour_ , you should count yourself lucky for not being subjected to your father's cooking." 

"Hey!" John dropped his fork, crossing his arms and huffing. Alex couldn't help but mark the similarities between John's drawn brows and Frances's earlier pout. "The only thing that should be roasted in this kitchen is the food, I don't deserve this." 

John's friends laughed, and thankfully Frances quickly started asking Alex another question about the food and changing the subject before Lafayette could lay in again. 

"What did you call this? Ca... Car... Carbean?" She frowned when she couldn't remember the word, looking to John for help.

Alex smiled fondly, "Carribean. It's where I'm from, it's almost a... family recipe. More of a friend of the family, he used to make this sometimes when I was over for dinner. I like it, it's pretty easy - maybe I can teach your dad and he can make it for you again sometime."

"Good luck," Lafayette mumbled. 

John ignored him, instead turning to Alex with a warm look. "Or maybe Alex can come over and help with dinner more. If he wanted to, of course." 

Alex's heart jumped into his throat as Frances expressed her absolute delight at that idea, clapping her hands together and reaching over to grab at Alex's arm. Alex nodded, having to look away from John before he did something ridiculous like launch himself across the table and kiss the life out of him. Instead he looked down into Frances's eager face, "I think I'd like that a lot." 

The rest of dinner went by with warm looks shared between John and Alex, and Lafayette feeling exasperated by his friends. If they were going to make heart eyes at each other all night the least they could have done was stop pretending that they weren't together. Once the table was cleared, Lafayette made the decision to try to help that process along by giving the men a moment alone.

"It's getting close to your bed time, Frances, why don't we go brush your teeth?" He held his hand out to the girl and she took it quickly, skipping toward the bathroom and reminding Lafayette once again that he needed to teach John the “teeth brushing song” because John “just counts and it’s really boring”. John tries not to be insulted by his daughter’s short attention span, helping Alex with the dishes. Even though John told him he didn’t need to do them, Alex insisted — really he was just looking for an excuse to stay a bit longer. They washed and dried the dishes in comfortable silence, and John tried not to think about the domesticity of it all, about how he could see himself — see _them_ — doing this regularly. After John placed the last dish in the drainer, Alex put some leftovers into a tupperware container for Hercules and accepted the fact that it was nearing his time to depart. 

John, the true gentleman, walked him to the door and offered an almost shy smile when Alex turned to say his goodbyes. He took Alex’s hand into his, tracing his thumb across Alex’s knuckles as he spoke, quietly, “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Alex said, smiling a little when John took his hand. “ _I_ should thank you.”

“For what?” 

“… for letting me do this,” Alex bit the inside of his cheek, not meeting John’s eyes for a moment. Once he did, though, John felt like the breath had been knocked out of him. Alex’s eyes were intense and full of _somethin_ g _,_ something akin to love, but John was far too scared to so much as think of the word. “For letting me in… I know this was hard for you, and I get why - I mean, on some level, at least - I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be a single father… But if there’s one thing in life I understand, it’s feeling abandoned… and I know you were worried about that happening, with bringing people into your lives and… I should thank you for trusting me enough to let me try - and hopefully trusting me when I say that I’ve already fallen in far too deep and I don’t think I could leave either of you if I tried.” 

John wasn’t sure what came over him — okay, correction, John knew _exactly_ what came over him in that moment. His chest flooded with warmth, his heart kicking into overdrive, and every nerve felt electrified by his words, by his earnest tone, by the intensity in those _eyes_ that still held his with an almost nervous tension. John squeezed Alex’s hand in his as he leaned down and captured Alex’s lips with his own. Alex froze at the contact, everything going far too well for this to be _real_ , but John’s hand in his was solid and his _lips_ were soft and inviting and suddenly timid as he started to pull away. Alex surged forward before he could, returning the kiss with twice the energy and bringing his free hand up, fingers curling into John’s hair and pulling his face even closer. The press of their lips together felt _right_ , and John was suddenly wondering why he hadn’t done this sooner. He didn’t feel nervous about anything as Alex stepped closer and his tongue brushed over John’s lower lip experimentally, winning an encouraging hum from John’s throat. He couldn’t recall why he had tried to keep Alex at an arm’s length when the man grew bolder, fingers tightening in John’s curls as he licked into his mouth, pulling out a low sound that John felt form in his gut. John pulled back first, breathless and staring down at Alex’s twinkling eyes, watching his lips curl up into a smirk. 

“Still friends?” He asked and John’s cheeks grew a new shade of pink. Alex liked it, it complimented his freckled features. Alex’s smirk slowly stretched into a smile as John answered simply enough. 

“Friends can kiss…” 

“If them’s the rules,” Alex murmured before leaning forward until John met him in the middle. John’s arms moved around his waist, holding him closer, and Alex felt like he could explode from how relieved and happy he was to finally be able to do this, to feel John’s curls between his fingers and John’s wide hands splayed possessively over his waist. He was _sure_ John could feel his rapidly beating heart from how close they had come together, but maybe John’s was beating just as hard, following the same tempo. (It definitely was.)  

The sharp sound of someone clearing their throat caused them to break apart again, reluctantly. Lafayette stood in the doorway with an amused expression, arms crossed over his chest. “Your daughter wanted me to ask if you’d read her a story,” he started, eyes drifting from John's flushed face to Alex's bashful grin. “Should I let her know your mouth is otherwise occupied?” 

“N-no,” John stammered, blushing even harder and Alex _beamed_ , which only made John blush _more_. It was a vicious cycle that Alex was enjoying far too much. He looked down at Alex, disentangling himself from the shorter man slowly, “I’ll be right back.” 

John stepped around the still smirking Lafayette, not-so-subtly shoving at his shoulder, which only made the man snigger. Lafayette lifted a brow, humming softly as he stepped toward Alex. “Is that how you treat all of your friends, because now I’m a bit insulted.” 

“ _He_ kissed _me_ ,” Alex threw his hands up in defense and his face split into the brightest grin Lafayette had ever seen grace Alex’s features. He dropped his arms and did a little jig, thrusting his hips and spinning on one foot, “Ah! Don’t touch me, Laf, I’m _too_ _hot_.” Lafayette started laughing at the sight, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Alex act like this — excited, untroubled.  

“ _Félicitations_ , Romeo,” Lafayette teased, nudging Alex’s arm. Alex stuck his tongue out childishly and Lafayette chuckled, pulling his friend into a hug. He took the box of leftovers from Alex’s hands. “I’ll take care of these, I don’t want Herc to sit alone in that shop all night anyway, tell John goodnight for me?” Alex nodded as Lafayette pressed light kisses to his cheeks. "Oh, and one more thing?" Lafayette murmured into his ear, voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. “Don’t this mess up with him, or I will personally see to it that your ass is properly kicked.” He pulled back from the man with a smile that suggested the things he had just whispered into Alex's ear weren't vague threats on his well-being, and his voice chipper once more. “I will see you tomorrow, _mon ami_.” 

“ _Bonne nuit_ ,” Alex watched a little uneasily as Lafayette grabbed his jacket, disappearing with a final wave and leaving Alex alone in John’s living room. He tried to shake Lafayette’s words, taking a deep breath and looking around. He spun in a slow circle, taking in the room around him as he chewed at the corner of his lip. John’s apartment wasn’t that large, but it was comfortable. The walls were mostly bare, save for a few drawings he assumed were done by Frances hanging around. As he looked closer, he noticed that each of them were in fact signed by Frances — except for one, it hung lower than the others as well and with a closer look Alex realized it was much more detailed than the others. Two turtles had been sketched onto the page in green crayon, smiling at each other with a tiny red heart between their heads. 

“Frances thought the walls were too boring.” John’s voice was suddenly at Alex’s shoulder, making the shorter man jump, and he turned as John continued his explanation, “I told her I didn’t really have any pictures to hang, so she made some. And insisted that I make one as well.” 

“No home is complete without a crayon doodle of two turtles in love,” Alex commented, tone completely serious but betrayed by the tilt of his lips. John nudged his shoulder, ducking his head and shrugging a shoulder. 

“I like turtles, sue me,” John grumped. Alex snickered, leaning into John’s side, and John let his arm fall loosely around Alex’s waist. Alex turned his face up to the taller man, eyes sweeping over the gorgeous face mere inches from his own, following the slope of his nose down to those full, tantalizing lips. This attention did not go unnoticed by John and he fulfilled Alex’s silent request, pressing their lips together in another heated kiss. “Wait,” Alex tried to repress the groan that escaped when John pulled away again. “Where’d Laf go?”

“Taking the leftovers to Herc,” Alex answered shortly, turning into John and looping his arms around the other man’s neck. “He said goodnight, now can we stop talking so much?” Alex reclaimed John’s mouth, swallowing the man’s whimper as Alex fulfilled a long sought after fantasy of his, nibbling at John’s bottom lip before soothing the flesh with a sweep of his tongue and another hard kiss. John took a few unsteady steps backward until the back of his legs hit the couch and he lowered them both onto it.

They stayed like that for a while — maybe it was an hour, maybe it was four, they really weren’t sure — just kissing. John was lost in the press of Alex’s lips against his, in the way Alex seemed so perceptive to every little reaction he pulled from John, repeating something if it got a particularly positive response from the other man. Exploring each other's bodies and boundaries slowly, taking their time to piece each other together and learn all that they could for the moment. John’s reservations and worries were left behind as he pressed closer and closer to Alex on his small couch, one leg thrown across Alex’s lap so he could lean into him even further and he was _very_ aware of the heated weight of Alex’s hand on his upper thigh. He was barely suppressing the urge to straddle Alex’s lap and grind into him like teenagers just to relieve some slowly building tension, and _god_ if Alex’s did that thing to John’s bottom lip again he might throw all caution and reasoning to the wind. Surprisingly, it was Alex that finally pulled away, cupping John’s face and brushing his thumb gently over his heated cheek. 

“As much as I am enjoying the hell out of this,” he said softly, eyes flicking down to John’s kiss-swollen lips as a soft smile spread over them. “It may be in the best interest of our, ah, _friendship_ for me to head home soon.” 

“Right.” John started to sit up, running a hand through his hair, not that it really helped fix the curls that Alex had properly mussed up. He straightened his shirt as he stood up, holding a hand out to Alex, which the other took graciously and stood as well. “Thank you, again, we should do this again.” 

Alex smirked, “The making out or the dinner?” 

“O-oh, th-the dinner, I meant the dinner,” John stammered. “But the kissing, too, I mean… it was nice, I…” Alex stopped his jumbled mumbling with another, lighter kiss. 

“I know, dear,” he chuckled against John’s lips and John tried not to let the name do things to him. “We will. Just let me know. ’Till we meet again.” Another short kiss and Alex was no longer in front of John, but grabbing his jacket and throwing it on. 

“Text me when you’re home?” 

Alex grinned, delighted that John cared. “Of course.” 

John fell back on the couch after Alex stepped out, right where Alex had been just moments ago, the cushions still holding onto the warmth from his body and the scent from his cologne. John turned his face into the cushion without shame, taking a deep breath and reliving the past _however long_  they had been making out. He felt like he was floating, like nothing could touch him in that moment, and John wanted to live in this moment, in this feeling. He finally pulled himself out of his own thoughts when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, surprised by how much time had passed since Alex left. 

 

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _You can stop fretting over my well-being, I am safe and sound in my own bed._

 

**_To: Alexander:_ ** _what r u wearing?_

 

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _… Literally exactly what I was wearing when I saw you twenty minutes ago?_

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _Wait, are you trying to SEXT me, John Laurens?_

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _1, you can do better. 2, you can try again later, I don’t know about you but I’m pretty worn out._

 

**_To: Alexander:_ ** _you’re no fun_

**_To: Alexander:_ ** _goodnight alex_

 

**_From: Alexander:_ ** _Goodnight, John. [kissyface emoji]_

 

It’s safe to say that both men slept very well that night, even Frances’s tendencies to cling to John beneath the blankets and smother him with her body heat.  The girl was a space heater. He would appreciate that in the winter, he was sure, but the summer nights were already warm enough. Typically, he’d try to find a better position for both of him, where she could cuddle but he wouldn’t overheat, but tonight he couldn’t help but imagine the possibility of a third body being added to the mix — his thoughts of Alex led him into a much needed, peaceful rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Félicitations - Congratulations  
> Bonne Nuit - Goodnight  
> (Again, when it comes to French I'm still learning and doing my best with what I've learned so far, so if something's terribly wrong, lemme know pls and thank you.) 
> 
> Let me just say, it's been 5ever since I've really written a kissing scene. Like a _first kiss_ sort of kissing scene, so I'm sorry if it's sub-par. But look what these nerds have done, they've gotten me completely off track from the original plan - which probably just means it'll be longer than originally planned (not that I actually had a solid number). 
> 
> Now, let's play a fun game called Spot the Reference because I think I've made so many this chapter. #NoShame 
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos give me life and inspiration to keep going. The desire to meet all of your expectations is what made me work so long and hard on this chapter, because I want to treat you all to perfection. 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan  
> I love talking to you all and making new friends.


	8. my father wasn't around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frances starts school, John and Alex share some secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you go to write something, and then you read back through it when you're done and you're just like... "Wow, that wasn't where I thought that was going at all." That's this chapter. The characters just... kinda took over, and I apologize on their behalf. 
> 
> You're all beautiful and lovely and thank you SO MUCH for all the comments and messages and support, I've definitely got to say it inspired me to start this chapter today and, oh look, I've finished it. 
> 
> Grab a carton of Ben & Jerry's, or your favorite ice cream, and enjoy this chapter.

It was Frances's first day of school and John was almost certain he was more nervous than she was. She had woken up early, poking at John's cheek until he finally got up to make her breakfast and help her into her school clothes. She decided that on her first day she was going to wear a purple dress Hercules had bought for her, reaching down to her shins and billowing around her if she spun in circles. John tried to get her to hold still as he braided her hair into pigtails, but the girl was buzzing with energy. Frances was excited to finally go to school, she had been looking forward to it since they toured her school a few weeks ago. They had a huge room full of toys, and the lady that had shown them around promised her there would be a lot of kids to play with. Not that Frances didn't love playing with uncle Laf and uncle Herc and her dad, but she remembered playing with some of the kids that lived around her and they were just better at pretend than these grown ups. 

"I'm gonna make friends with everybody, daddy," Frances informed him as he secured the second braid and she started twisting so her skirt puffed out again. "We're gonna play dolls and play house, and it's gonna be so fun! Is it time to go now?" 

John chuckled, though it came out tight. He was glad that Frances was excited, but something was tightening in his chest and he felt a lump form in his throat. "Let me go change and then we'll go," he told her with a small smile, leaving her to watch whatever cartoons played in the mornings while he went back into the bedroom. A mixture of guilt and a new sadness overpowered him as he thought about the fact that he was taking Frances to her first day of school, it was a big deal, and it was also the only _first_  he had gotten to see. Which he knew was his own fault, though he still wished he had been around when she was younger, had witnessed all the other firsts. And over all, he still had that guilt gnawing at him that he _hadn't_ been there, so did he even have a right to get emotional over her first day of school? 

After throwing on a nicer shirt and jeans, he grabbed Frances's backpack and they headed out into the world. The school was perfectly between John's apartment and Laf and Herc's place, which made it convenient for whoever had to pick her up. Today it would be Hercules, as John was going in a little later and wouldn't get done at work until two hours after Frances got out. He made sure to fill out all the proper forms so any of the three could pick her up, met her new teachers - an older man named Charles Lee and his younger aide, Maria Reynolds - and finally knelt down in front of her to say goodbye. 

"You gonna be okay?" Frances asked before John had a chance to as she grabbed his cheeks in both hands and looked at him with eyes full of concern. He felt that lump in his throat return. 

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He tried to laugh, it was too dry and he coughed to clear his throat. Frances frowned but leaned in and kissed his nose, then both cheeks, and finally hugged him around his neck. "I'll see you when I get home, baby girl. Have a good first day." 

"I love you, daddy," she said it less as a goodbye, more as a reminder, and John felt his chest constrict. It was certainly backwards, the daughter trying to take care of the father, but John found himself thanking whatever higher being he should for getting such an astounding human for his daughter - and sending up an extra thought to Martha for raising her so well and making this process easier on him. 

"I love you, too, baby girl," he pressed a kiss to her forehead before standing up. He followed the stream of parents toward the door almost reluctantly, turning to wave goodbye to Frances one last time before finally leaving. 

He stood on the sidewalk outside of the school, looking around and watching as the other parents made their toward their trains, or got into their cars, and went on with their days. He realized almost absently that the school was also rather close to Alex's apartment, from what he recalled those few times he had walked Alex home after a coffee or lunch date. Before he could talk himself out of it he pulled out his phone, shooting off a text as he turned and started walking in the direction of Alex's apartment. 

* * *

Alex looked like he had just woken up when he answered the door, smiling a bright, sleepy smile at John. His hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and he wore a worn, wrinkled shirt over a pair of tattered plaid pajama pants that were so long his socked feet barely peeked out from the bottoms. John’s heart thudded in his chest at the sight, returning a quiet greeting as he stepped into the apartment and accepted the gentle kiss on the cheek. Alex shut the door behind him, turning to the other man, “And to what do I owe the pleasure?” 

John let out a heavy sigh, “My daughter is officially a kindergartner.” Alex chuckled, earning the beginnings of a glare form John. 

“Are you getting all parental and emotional, Laurens?” He cooed, reaching out to cup John’s cheek. John wanted to swat his hand away, he did not come here to be patronized, but he followed a different course of action instead. He turned his head just enough to brush is lips against the palm of Alex’s hand, eyes softening as he looked back down at the man who’s breath hitched at the contact. 

“Actually,” John started lowly, fingers circling around Alex’s wrist as he started trailing kisses over the soft skin of his forearm. “I figured that doing something reckless like showing up on a hot man’s doorstep and making out with him would help combat this feeling that I’m getting old.” He trailed his mouth further up Alex’s arm, until he hit the bottom of his shirt sleeve and jumped instead to the next available piece of skin, pressing a wet kiss right above the collar of the shirt. Alex’s breath hitched, the hand John wasn’t holding gripping at John’s waist. 

“What, now I’m just here to, _ah_ , preserve your youth?” Alex tried to sound offended, but then John’s teeth were scraping against his ear and he gasped in the middle of his sentence, voice growing much weaker to his own ears. John hummed, following the line of Alex’s jaw with feather light kisses, stopping once he got close to his mouth and pulling back just enough to look at Alex as he nodded. 

“Absolutely, but you really don’t need to talk to do that.” Then John made sure Alex wouldn’t follow up with any snarky comments, capturing his lips and crowding Alex up against the door, fingers still gripping his wrist. He swallowed Alex’s small whimpers, licking into his mouth and just _taking_ everything Alex gave — and Alex would give John anything he wanted at that point. Their kisses grew more heated, desperate as Alex let John take control, let John pin him against his front door and tug at his hair until he tilted his head a new way and made the kiss _that_ much better. This was already so much different than last night, last night had been soft and slow and experimental. Now it was hot, and possessive, and the growl that escaped John’s throat when Alex gripped at his hip was almost _feral_. The tension building in both of their bodies so much faster, John moved closer, pressed his hips forward, and Alex could feel how much John was enjoying himself against his hip. It took every ounce of self-control he had to not buck his hips against John’s, instead turning his head to break the kiss and swearing between gasping breaths. “ _Shit_ , wait, John, we don’t need to do this.” John didn’t relent, mouth moving back down to Alex’s exposed neck, latching over his pulse point and eliciting a loud moan from Alex before he finally pushed at John’s shoulders, getting the other man to stop and look up at him, almost looking worried. “John, we should stop — we should talk about this—” 

The hurt was clear in his eyes, full of a sudden apprehension as he took a step back from Alex. Alex missed the heat of his body already. “Do you not —?” John ran a hand through his hair, taking a breath to calm himself. “Shit, no, of course you’re not — I shouldn’t have— God, I’m so sorry, Alex, I shouldn’t have assumed you were interested like _that_  — god, why would you be—”

“ _No_ , John, it’s not that,” Alex quickly corrected, reaching out cautiously for John’s hand and feeling a sense of relief when John let him take it. “I’m _very_ interested in that way, in most ways, in _all_ ways, basically — but I don’t want to mess up. I don’t want to go too fast and find one of us regretting it, I care about you a lot, John, and I want to do this right. I have no problem going there, but we should talk about it first.” John nodded slowly. “Why did you come over here today? Was it just to try to jump my bones?” John shook his head, sighing and rubbing at his forehead.

“I just… I wanted to see you,” he started quietly. “I dropped Frances off.. and then I didn’t want to be alone… God, I am getting parental and emotional.” He wiped at his eyes, trying to rub away the burning threat of more tears. Alex rubbed at his shoulder, pressing another light kiss against his cheek.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” his voice was gentle, caring, and it really just made John feel more emotional. He let Alex take him by the hand pull him further into the apartment, until they were both sitting on his couch. “It’s normal for parents to get emotional when their kids start school, it’s fine, you’re fine.” Alex continued to rub John’s shoulder, offering him a small smile. “I think it’s part of that whole ’they grow up too fast’ thing, you know? It’s been five years, but suddenly she’s going off and doing things without you."

“I just feel weird, and dumb, because it’s not like I was even there—” John cut himself off, he hadn’t meant to admit that. Alex still didn’t know the full truth about Frances and Martha and John wasn’t sure he was ready to let him know. He still felt guilty over all of it, still felt like he was a shit father for those first five years, and now here he was getting emotional over his daughter ‘growing up so fast’ when he wasn’t even there to see her _actually_ grow up.

Alex didn’t let things go easily, though, his brows drew together as he asked, “What?” 

“Nothing,” John shook his head, trying to get Alex to drop it. “I… it… nothing, Alex…” 

“John,” Alex tried to return to that soft voice, despite his forceful nature and curiosity. “You can talk to me, I want you to talk to me… You can tell me things, no judgement.” 

John watched him warily through bleary eyes, and he looked so sincere. Alex’s brown eyes were soft and forgiving and John wanted to trust him. He wanted to let Alex in, let him know everything. He still felt unsure, he was still afraid that Alex _would_ judge him, that this would be the deal breaker, that he would lose Alex after so much had gone well — but everything that had gone well so far had started with a leap of faith. John had been making blind jumps toward Alex since the beginning, and so far Alex had caught him, he had landed perfectly. He was nervous, but he had to take a chance — because he _wanted_ to trust Alex, and so far it had been working. 

“I, um,” John cleared his throat, taking a slow breath and leveling his eyes with the floor. “I just feel kind of dumb, because it’s not like I.. actually watched Frances grow up. I, uh… I didn’t actually know her… until a couple months ago…” He could feel Alex’s eyes on him but couldn’t bring himself to look up, he could imagine the way his mouth tilted downward, his brows were probably drawn together even tighter, a crease forming along his forehead. 

“What do you mean?” Alex’s voice was measured, cautious. He realized they were stepping into new territory, he knew John was going out on a limb and he didn’t want to mess this up. He wanted John to trust him, and he wanted to know more about John and Frances — he tried as hard as he could to hold no judgements, but something felt unsettled in Alex’s gut. 

John was quiet for a long time, or maybe it just felt that way because they were both holding their breath as John tried to figure out how to say it, where to start. What, exactly, he should divulge. Finally, after another shaky sigh, “A few months ago, Martha — that’s Frances’s mother — she… she passed away. That’s when I got custody of Frances…” John paused, swallowed hard, wringing his hands together and watched as his own fingers twisted against themselves. “I.. I wasn’t out through most of college — my.. my dad, I knew he wouldn’t like it and that he’d disown me, and I couldn’t afford — I thought everyone was right, it was just a phase or I just… I just had to meet the right girl — and I had never slept with a girl, so how did I really _know_? So… junior year, I went out… and got… fucking wasted, and I met this girl… we — and… I used a condom, I really don’t know what happened but— Frances was… a complete accident…And I... had no idea...” Alex listened hard, tried to follow John’s broken story, tried to quell the twisting knots in his stomach, tried to _not_ think of how familiar this was all beginning to sound. 

“So, you… left her?” Alex’s voice was tight. John could sense that he was trying to keep his tone even and his heart was trying to beat out of his chest, he couldn’t bear to lift his eyes, terrified of what he might find on Alex’s face. He gave one nod and felt his heart drop at the sharp intake of breath next to him. He chanced the look, found Alex staring at his own hands, the silence between them full of tension and John felt like he was choking. Alex’s tone was hard to read, but John knew it didn’t feel right when he spoke again. “You two seemed close, despite everything.” 

The silence was long, thick, and John couldn’t handle it. “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” his voice cracked and he felt tears threatening to resurface again, this time for a much different reason. Another beat before Alex finally spoke. 

“I told you I spent a couple of years in foster care, yeah?” John nodded once, biting at his lower lip. “That’s because… when I said I know what abandonment is like, I meant it. When I was ten, my father left. Out of the blue. One day we’re a happy family and the next it’s just me and my mother, struggling to make ends meet because I was too young to really work and she was a woman that barely made enough to care for one, let alone two people.” Alex’s voice grew more tense as he went on, he sounded angrier and John only felt guiltier. “Two years later, we both got really sick. I… got better, obviously, but she didn’t… She died. Lying right next to me,  _holding_ _me_ , I watched her die. And… then I just got passed from family member to family member… my cousin killed himself, I lived with an aunt for a while and she didn’t want me… I’m no stranger to abandonment and I just didn’t realize that…” _you did the same thing as him_ , the words didn’t leave his mouth, but the thought hung heavy in the air. 

"I..." John tried again, but Alex stood up suddenly. 

"I think it might be best if you go." John finally snapped his head up, meeting Alex's angered gaze. He had never seen this side of the man. He opened his mouth to... argue? To beg for forgiveness? He didn't even know, and didn't have the chance to find out, Alex didn't let him. "You should go home, John. I... I don't want something to be said that we're going to regret." 

"Alex..." The name was broken as it fell from John's lips. He already regretted everything he had said, hated that he talked himself into saying anything, convinced himself that it wouldn't end up like this. Lafayette and Hercules didn't give him a hard time over it, they knew him through that time, they knew him better - Alex had just met him, and this was the biggest impression he'd made. He was a tool that fucked a woman once, ignored her, and ended up with a daughter he hadn't even known _existed_. 

Alex tried, he really tried so hard to keep his feelings under control. He knew this was entirely different circumstances, John had been younger, John had probably been scared, and maybe John had a decent excuse. But his anger still flared as he remembered his own upbringing, as he remembered how broken his mother had been after his father left. He thought of that little girl, how Frances must have felt when John left, and Alex never did have a very good filter. "Why would you _do_ that? Why did that seem like the right option?" John should have left when Alex told him to, it would have prevented the entire situation. 

"Alex, I-" John felt the hot tears finally falling down his cheeks, he couldn't even bring himself to form any sort of argument. He just sat on the couch, mouth opening and closing as he tried to form words but only managed a strangled sob. He shouldn't have told Alex. 

"You what? You got scared? You wussed out?" Alex was on a roll, furious and pacing and barely aware of the man crying on his couch as he kept going. "Kids a-and families aren't just toys you can toss out when you're bored! If you didn't want her then, why the hell take her now? Are you trying to make up for being a coward back then? Well, I'm sure you've got her fooled, she loves you - Hell, you had me fooled. I thought you were such a good father. Sure, you take care of her now, but where were you when she was crying through the night? When she got her first tooth, or fell taking her first steps? I hope for your sake she never realizes what I just have about you, John. Just because things get hard doesn't mean you should just _up and leave_ and let someone else deal with the damn consequences!" Alex wasn't sure who he was yelling at anymore, John or his own father, but he stopped when he finally caught the other man's movements in the corner of his eye. 

John pushed himself from the couch, wiping at his eyes furiously as he walked past Alex and back toward the door. John's heart ached when he remembered what they had been doing just moments before, how things had turned south so quickly. He didn't say anything, couldn't even turn to look back at Alex before he pulled the door open and left. He took another leap, but this time landed flat on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... please still love me? John and Alex did this to themselves, y'all. Seriously, I already had a section of this chapter written out before hand and I ended up having to scrap it/save it for later because THIS happened instead. 
> 
> As always, Comments and Kudos are my life force and inspire me. Honestly, some of y'all left such sweet words last chapter that I had to take a moment to not cry, so really just thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for taking the time out of your day to let me know what you think. 
> 
> And again, I'm so sorry for the pain. I'm offering free cuddles and consoling until these boys work themselves out. To take advantage of these services, or to just chat me up, come find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan 
> 
> (Also, someone asked me if I would post excerpts from future chapters on Tumblr while I'm working on them when it's taking me forever and a day to update and if anyone's actually interested in that, let me know and I'll definitely hardcore consider it? I used to do it in other fandoms, so I'm not against it, I just don't know if it's something people would be interested in?)


	9. the no good, very bad day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School isn't all Frances thought it would be, life without John isn't all Alex thought it would be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is where I realize I can't use a lyric from Dear Theodosia for every chapter and quit while I'm ahead) 
> 
> Hello, hello, beautiful people! Thank you SO MUCH again for all of the positive comments and support and love for this story! 
> 
> I'd also like to give a HUGE thank you to **the_other_51** for helping me get through this chapter. (Seriously, I probably owe this chapter to them. Without their glorious ideas and suggestions, I'd probably still be fumbling around in a doc trying to figure out wtf to do.) 
> 
> Now, let's try to clean up the mess Alex made last time, shall we? Grab a mop and a couple magic erasers to help him out, but most of all enjoy this chapter!

Frances’s excitement from the morning had died down once her first day had actually started, all of the parents had left and it was just twenty-one students left with two teacher. It turned out that school wasn’t all playing like she thought, but it wasn’t that bad, Frances still thought she would like it. They started off with introductions, mostly hearing about their new teachers and telling each other their names. Mr. Lee wasn’t exactly a friendly looking man, Frances wasn’t sure she liked him so much, he always spoke with a harsh tone and sometimes if he heard one of the other kids whispering his face would get all red and he would just glare down at them before asking them to stop talking in a scary, quiet voice.

Mrs. Reynolds was nice, though. She was pretty and wore a long, flowing red dress that Frances wished she could wear. Her lips were painted to match the outfit and it made Frances miss the times that her mom would let her play make up, Frances’s favorite part was always the lipstick. After Mrs. Reynolds introduced herself, she tossed a beach ball around the circle with them and every time someone caught the ball they had to say their name and answer a question. 

“My name is Frances Laurens,” Frances spoke with a proud grin after catching the ball, eyes sweeping the circle of unimpressed kindergarteners. 

"Nice to meet you, Frances," Mrs. Reynolds returned with a cheery, cherry red smile. "What's your favorite animal, Frances?" 

Frances hummed, turning her head and squeezing the ball to her chest as she considered the question, and finally answered, "Turtles!" 

Some of the other kids snickered and Frances frowned, her daddy liked turtles a lot so Frances decided she did, too. Was that a bad favorite animal? 

"That's very cool, Frances! Now, pass the ball to someone across the circle," Mrs. Reynolds instructed before Frances could defend, or change, her answer. Frances tossed the ball into the hands a boy across the circle, resting her cheeks against her fists as she watched the rest of the class go through the game. No one snickered at anyone else’s answer, only hers. 

After introductions, Mr. Lee started teaching them the alphabet. Frances enjoyed that part, because uncle Laf had already started teaching her the alphabet so she knew what she was doing. Though she did mess up a couple times by accidentally switching to the French alphabet. It earned her a couple of those red-faced looks from Mr. Lee, and a group of girls next to her would giggle into their hands. Frances didn't like that, or the way it made her feel, so she scrunched down a little and tried not to let her voice stick out anymore in case she messed up again. 

They practiced the alphabet and counting a lot before Mrs. Reynolds finally told them it was time for recess - which Frances quickly learned meant playing outside. Mrs. Reynolds led them all out of the building to a fenced off courtyard that held a jungle gym, a set of swings, and a basketball court. As soon as Frances’s feet hit the concrete she bolted for the swings, but she stopped dead in her tracks when the three girls that had been giggling at her mistakes earlier suddenly blocked her way. 

"What are you _wearing_?" One of the girls asked, crossing her arms over her chest and eyeing Frances's dress before flipping her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. 

"A dress?" Frances frowned, tugging at the end of one of her curls and looking down at her dress. “My uncle Hercules picked it out for me, he said it complimented my eyes, and look!” She swung her hips, letting them see how it poofed around her. None of the girls seemed impressed.

"Hercules? Like the baby movie?" Another one of the girls sniggered. Frances stopped twisting, looking at them with her brows drawn low. Frances wasn’t sure she liked these girls. 

“Yeah… b-but it's not a baby movie," she argued. The girls all laughed again, sharing a look, and Frances decided she definitely did not like these girls. She wasn’t even sure if she liked school anymore, no one had really tried to play with her like she thought they would. The only people who had really talked to her were these three girls, and they were being mean. 

"It's not a real name either," the strawberry blonde girl cocked her hip out and Frances was already fuming. Another thing she inherited from John was a short temper. 

"Yes it is!" Frances cried, she couldn’t understand why they were saying these things. “That’s his name, uncle Hercules, and I have an uncle Lafayette-“

"Those aren't real names!" The third girl declared and Frances stomped her foot, glaring at them with angry tears brimming in her eyes. 

"Yes they are! You just don' know 'em," Frances crossed her arms. 

“Because they’re all made up… in your head!" The first girl started cackling before they all turned away from Frances, leaving her glaring at the ground with her fists clenched tightly and her shoulders hunched. She didn't want to swing anymore, instead she stalked away from the major hub of energy, going to sit alone at the edge of the court. 

Frances wasn’t sure she liked school as much as she thought she would. She just wanted to go home now, at least at home no one yelled at her about made up names and she had someone to play with. 

* * *

Hercules had settled into a nice routine. He would wake up in the morning, make it halfway through his shower before Laf would join him, making that shower even longer, and then enjoy a quiet breakfast together before parting ways for work. Once he arrived at the shop, one of the associates would fill him in on any messages they received from the clients — today they had nearly ten separate complaints about one bride’s wedding dress, and another message about prom dress that needed more alterations. Hercules took it upon himself to set up the appointments, both of which would be the following day — he was relieved at not having to deal with anyone but a few walk-ins today. After work, Herc would make his way over to Frances’s school and take her back to John’s apartment. Today he finished early and found he had some time to spare before Frances was released, so he stopped at a little bakery between work and the school and picked up two cupcakes. He knew that Frances had not been having the best time in school, she often told him about three little girls that were constantly mean to her and he wished he could do something about those little brats. He offered the advice you’re supposed to give to little kids facing playground bullies, “Be the bigger person. Don’t let them get to you. They’re just jealous. But if they lay a hand on you, it’s okay to punch them back.” Okay, maybe that last one wasn’t exactly promoted in any after school specials, but it was an important one — he was already considering asking John if he could enroll her in some self-defense or karate classes, _something_. She was a girl growing up in New York, it’s important for her to know how to handle herself. 

The school bell was just ringing as Hercules made his way up the steps, following the rush of parents toward the doors. A flood of students poured out of one set of double doors, a smaller wave of parents going into the next. Hercules still had to go into the school to pick Frances up, she was only in kindergarten and they were very strict on parent pick-up policies. 

“Frances, your uncle is here,” Mrs. Reynolds called across the room as Hercules approached the doorway to Frances’s classroom. Frances bolted out of her seat, backpack hanging from her elbow, and grabbed Hercules hand. She called a rushed “Goodbye, Mrs. Reynolds” over her shoulder as she tugged her uncle out of the room, down the hallway, and finally down the front steps of the building. Hercules just laughed. 

“You’re in a rush today, little miss, what’s goin’ on?” He asked, pulling her to a halt once they hit the sidewalk. Frances just let out a heavy sigh, staring at the ground. Hercules bent down to her level, brushing some hair out of her face. “Is somethin’ wrong, Frances?” 

“I just don’ like school,” Frances pouted. “It’s no fun and those girls is mean. Daddy said it was gonna get better and I’d make friends but I’m _not_ , uncle Herc. They’s still mean, an’ today? Today I was, I was drawin’ a turtle for daddy in arts an’ class and this boy! This book took my picture and he started laughin’  at it and he said- he said ‘that’s not even what a turtle looks like’ and he said he’s got a pet turtle and that I was drawin’ wrong!” Frances threw her arms out in exasperation, her eyes bulging and tears threatening to fall from the edges of her eyes. “They’s all mean and I don’ like it. Even Mr. Lee is mean. The only nice one is Mrs. Reynolds - but now I don’ even get to be in her class for writing. Mr. Lee says that my writin’s too bad and I gotta be in _his_ class to make it betterer ”  

Hercules watched the girl’s rant with a frown, he really needed to see if he could have a talk with administration. No one deserved to hate their experience in school, and it didn’t sound like anyone was doing anything about the little bullying situation. He took Frances’s smaller hand in his, “Have you told anyone about the way the kids are treating you, honey? Maybe Mrs. Reynolds can help?” Frances huffed. 

“I tried that and they all just started callin’ me a cattle tail,” she pouted again, this time a tear did fall down her tanned cheeks. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’ll get this sorted out. And as for your writing, we can practice at home so you can get back into Ms. Reynolds class, alright? How’s that sound?” Hercules gave her a small smile, reaching up to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Frances tried to return the smile, but her lips still quivered with her frown. He finally held up the small box he’d been carrying that evening, slowly opening to reveal two chocolate cupcakes. “And I got you a little treat on my way over here, I figured you could use it after a long day of school.” That did make Frances’s eyes light up, her hand reaching for one of the cupcakes immediately. Hercules chuckled softly as he watched her bite directly into it, getting chocolate icing on her nose. He wiped it off for her, shutting the box and saving his own for later before helping her peel some of the paper off so she could eat it properly on their walk back home. 

Hercules helped Frances with some of her homework after they got back to the apartment, it was mostly worksheets to help her get the alphabet and numbers — putting words in alphabetical order, counting shapes. After Frances shoved all of her papers back into her backpack and sit it by the door, she asked if she could watch some TV and Herc switched it on for her. John had specifically told them they were just there to watch Frances, no cleaning or cooking was necessary — but Herc knew how busy John was, so he took it upon himself to straighten up the apartment as Frances watched whatever shows kids nowadays were watching. He absentmindedly wondered if he should try to find some Dora the Explorer for her to watch, she was already learning French from Laf but maybe it would be good for her to learn some Spanish as well. He wasn’t sure on Martha’s, but he knew it would be a nice way to keeping in touch with John’s heritage. He let the thought go, figuring that _three_ languages might be too much to put on a five year old. Or would it be easier to learn them that young? He would have to consult Lafayette or John, after all they each had three or more languages under their belts while Herc only knew English and the bits and pieces of French, Italian, and Spanish he had picked up from those two— 

“Uncle Herc?”

Hercules turned away from the kitchen counter he’d been wiping down, looking down at the little girl that stood nervously in the kitchen entrance. She twisted the bottom of her dress in her hands as she continued in a quiet voice, “Do you know where Alex is?” 

“He’s probably at work right now,” Hercules furrowed his brow. “What do you mean, sweetheart?” 

Frances gave a little shrug, “I haven’ seen him an’ I miss ‘im.” She bit the corner of her lip, a habit he wouldn’t be surprised to find she picked up from John. “I think he’s been mean to daddy, ‘cause daddy doesn’ talk about him anymore. An’ he doesn’ seem happy.” 

“I’m sure your daddy is happy, France, after all he’s got you,” Hercules crossed the room and held his hands out to the girl, an offer to pick her up which she accepted with her own outstretched arms. He carried her back into the living room, shutting the TV off as he settled them onto the couch. “What makes you think he’s unhappy?” 

Frances shrugged again, “He doesn’ smile as much anymore, and he always seems just a- a lil’ bit mad. But like… sad-mad. I think he’s sad-mad, uncle Herc. I think it’s Alex’s fault, ‘cause daddy used to talk to Alex ev’ryday and now I don’ think they talked _at_ _all_ this week. An’ Alex was suppose to cook us dinner the other night but daddy said he could’ make it and I think it hurt my daddy’s feelin’s. Like those girls at school hurt mine, I think Alex is a meanie like those girls.” Frances glared at the empty space next to them as she came to her conclusion, but her face softened, almost grew sadder, as she finally looked back up at Hercules. “Did Alex leave us, uncle Herc?” 

“No way,” Hercules assured her immediately, though he suddenly wasn’t so sure of his own words. He knew Alex loved Frances as much as he and Laf did, and he thought things were going well between Alex and John. Of course, neither were the type to reach out and _tell_ someone if something had happened — they were both to stubborn to seek any kind of help, and definitely too stubborn to admit they were ever wrong. “I think… your daddy and Alex might just be having a little disagreement, but I’m sure they’ll work it out. Don’t worry, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss into Frances hair and she let out a soft sigh, curling into his chest. 

“Will you read somethin’ to me?” She asked quietly. Hercules obliged, reaching for a book that had been left on the coffee table, trying not to jostle the girl as he did so. He opened the cover, chuckling to himself when he read the title:  _Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day_. 

* * *

Alexander was having a terrible, horrible, no good, _very bad_  day. He hadn’t spoken to John in over a week, and he was antsy. He had buried himself in work, filling out expense reports and planning future programs, and hardly stopping to eat and sleep because once he stopped he would always start thinking about John. And Frances. And the fact that, despite his resolve to be upset with John, he missed them terribly. But John wasn’t the man Alex thought he was, John was a man that could walk out on his own child — _but he took her back in_ , a voice in the back of his mind unhelpfully supplied. Yes, he did, _but_ if Martha hadn’t died would he? Alex didn’t know the answer, but he knew that the idea of John being _That Guy_ made his stomach twist and turn and even though he really wanted to see John again he couldn’t get that feeling to go away. 

His day turned from bad to worse when Lafayette came storming into his office, slamming the door shut behind himself and forcefully spinning Alex’s chair away from his desk. 

“What the _hell_ did you do?” Lafayette hissed, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down at the now cowering man. Lafayette was terrifying when he was angry, Alex was not immune to that terror. 

“What do you mean?” He at least tried to hide the quiver in his voice, unsuccessfully. 

Lafayette’s eyes flared as he jabbed a finger into Alex’s chest. “I _told_ you not to fuck it up, _Alexandre_ , and what did you do?! Hercules just called me, before he laid Frances down for a nap she apparently told him about how you were ‘making John sad-mad’ — you two haven’t talked in a week?” 

“What makes you think it was _me_?” Alex asked with a bewildered look, holding his hands up in defense. Why did all of the blame suddenly fall to him? Why did all the blame always fall to him? It was _John_ that technically caused this because it was _John_ that had abandoned his family. 

“John has enough shit on his plate at the moment, he wouldn’t do anything to fuck whatever this is up with you — or whatever this _was_. What _happened_?” Lafayette finally seemed to calm down, enough to at least back out of Alex’s face and let his glare soften into a look of concern. “You two seemed to be doing well, what happened?” 

“I… he…” Alex stumbled over his own words, unsure where exactly to start. Lafayette just watched him patiently, and finally Alex took a breath. “He told me… about Frances, and Martha. And about leaving them, and I— I thought he was better, Laf. I… it hit too close to home, I may have… gone off on him a little — not that badly, don’t _look at me like that_.” Lafayette’s face was beginning to harden into a glare again and Alex felt a fearful shiver down his spine. 

“What do you mean you thought he was _better_?” Lafayette narrowed his eyes, beginning to inch back into Alex’s space. 

“He abandoned his  _child,_ Laf,” Alex sighed, exasperated. “I mean, yeah, he took her in after Martha passed but — that doesn’t change that he left in the first place, and I— I don’t have sympathy for people like that, you know I don’t. I just don’t understand how someone can just _leave_ like that—”

“Alexander,” Lafayette’s voice was a sharp bark, cutting deep and making Alex shut up. “He told you this?” 

“Yeah,” Alex’s voice was a little quieter this time, nervous. “He told me how he got Frances, that it was after Martha passed — and it was the first time he’d seen her.” 

“It was the first time he _knew_ about her,” Lafayette hissed. He took a step back, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Goddammit, Alexander, we should buy you a personal trampoline for how often you tend to jump to conclusions.” 

Alex’s face twisted with his confusion as he watched Lafayette, “What—?”

“It is still not my story to tell, you need to talk to John,” Lafayette finally looked back at him, sternly. “No, you need to _listen_ to John, because you do not know the whole story. You barely know half, if you can seriously sit there and compare that man to your own father in your mind.” 

“I—” Alex didn’t even get the chance to start an argument before Lafayette was tutting at him, straightening his shirt as he walked back toward the door. 

“Listen to John, Alexander.” Lafayette turned in the doorway, holding the handle as he locked Alex down with a vicious gaze. “Because I  _promise,_ if you make that little girl ask my boyfriend if you’re leaving them in a broken little voice again, you will get _more_ than a verbal ass beating. You know how hard it was for John to let you that close, I hope for your sake you have not ruined that entirely.” Lafayette disappeared behind the closed door, Alex could hear his footsteps echo through the hall until he was gone — that’s when Alex finally let out his breath and sank into his chair. 

Alex was having a very bad day, and now his head ached from Lafayette’s lecture on top of his lack of food and sleep. His mind was also reeling from the information dropped, that he had… misunderstood John’s situation? What more could there have been? _Don’t try to figure it out yourself_ , he thought. _Just ask him…_

His phone sat fully charged and untouched on his desk, he had no reason to use it much when not texting John. He grabbed it and unlocked the screen, opening his messages and looking at the latest message exchange between them. The day John had come over after dropping Frances off from school, the day that Alex had gone off on him for something he… may have not even done? He had no idea, he couldn’t figure out what Lafayette was talking about, so he decided to just grow a pair and make the move. 

 

**_To: Hot Doctor John:_ ** _Hey. I’m sorry about last week. I think we should talk._

 

After a second, he sent another. 

 

**_To: Hot Doctor John:_ ** _If you still want to see me, that is. I understand if you don’t._

 

He let the phone slip back onto his desk, running a hand through his hair as he waited for a reply. He started putting all of his papers and reports away to distract himself, he knew he wasn’t going to get any work done after this anyway. Once he finally had everything put back into boxes and drawers where they belonged, his phone buzzed. 

 

**_From: Hot Doctor John:_ ** _sure_

**_From: Hot Doctor John:_ ** _coffee by ur place @ 10_

 

Alex felt like a weight he hadn’t known was there had been lifted from his shoulders, relief flooding through him when John texted back. He knew the coffeehouse John meant, it was the second in a long line of coffeeshops he had dragged the other man to on their ‘outings’. And he had admitted to John that it was his favorite in the city. He shot off one final text before grabbing his bag and leaving the building, heading back to his apartment and anticipating the next day. 

 

**_To: Hot Doctor John:_ ** _See you then._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Alex really shut the fuck up and listen long enough to fix this? I guess we'll find out. 
> 
> I _love_ to hear what you guys think, comments make my day. I swear, I was still coasting on the joy they brought me halfway through the week after the last update. Help me coast through these last few weeks of school, and I'll help you coast back into some fluffier lams + Frances. 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan 
> 
> We can swap headcanons or talk about the #Hamiltome or exchange loving Hamilton quotes. Whatever you're into.


	10. forgiveness, can you imagine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finally talks and Alex finally listens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening, gorgeous fellows! I do hope you're having a wonderful Tuesday, and if not, c'mere, lemme give you a hug and a cup of hot cocoa. 
> 
> I'd like to thank **the_other_51** again for helping me with a section of this chapter, I am very bad at writing intimate/sexual or even vaguely sexual things so I am very glad that they were willing to read it and lemme know how it sounded. 
> 
> Alright, without further ado, enjoy this chapter, lovelies.

John went through various phases over the week, from angry at Alex for shouting at him like that, to upset that he had given Alex something to react that violently to, to all around confused because Alex still wasn't talking to him. He wasn't sure how to feel, not even when Alex finally did text him. And definitely not as he sat down with two cups of coffee, his own clutched tightly in his hand after he slid the other across the table to wait for Alex's arrival. He showed up early, on purpose, so he could buy their coffee - an act of forgiveness, or was it his way to ask for forgiveness? Beyoncè's latest single thrummed through his headphones as he tapped the beat out in the table top, every second ticking by as if time were wading through molasses. 

_I got hot sauce in my bag, swag._

Swag, the only way to describe how Alex moved sometimes. He walked into the coffeehouse like he owned the place, scanning the area until his eyes fell on John. It only made John even more confused, because now his chest fluttered and his stomach flipped and his head flooded with the memory of Alex's lips on his, those same lips that were curling at the corner as he approached the table. Those same lips that had turned on him in an instant, spitting harsh words and reminding John of what a disappointment he was. His stomach dropped and he looked down as Alex slid into the chair across from him. 

"Hey," Alex's voice was gentle, questioning almost, and John glanced up. He looked... Concerned? Nervous? A little bit of both, maybe. Or maybe John was just hoping too hard. He gave Alex a sharp nod, acknowledging his arrival, and tugged his earbuds out, letting them fall to his lap. "What're you listening to?" 

John started winding his headphones around the body of his phone, just needing something to do with his hands, and cleared his throat before speaking, "Beyoncè." His voice still sounded too shaky, giving away too much. 

"Really, John?" Alex question, scrunching up his nose in a way that John would find absolutely adorable under any other circumstances. 

John just lowered his brow, tried speaking again, this time his voice was much stronger, "Is now really the time to be commenting on my musical taste?" Any trace of a smile on Alex's face fell and he dropped his head.

"Right." He took a breath before looking back up at John, meeting his gaze and holding it. John took it as a challenge to not look away. "I wanted to meet with you today to... apologize, for my actions. Which is.. not something I do very often, or... ever, actually. But, I have... been informed that I may have jumped to conclusions and over reacted the other day. And I certainly should not have spoken to you in that way, and I am truly, deeply sorry if I hurt you." 

"If?" John snorted. "Oh, don't worry, Alex, you only called me a coward and reaffirmed the very fear that's been eating at me since the day that social worker showed up at my door and told me I have a daughter I need to take care of." 

Alex winced at his sarcastic tone. "I really am sorry, John, I- I don't think before I speak, and hurting you is not something I wished to do. I care about you, a lot - I regret saying those things, but - I told you about my family, about how I grew up, it just all hit... And I-" 

"I get it," John cut him off, and Alex shut up. _Listen to John,_ Lafayette's voice echoed in Alex's head. "I get where it was coming from, but... It's not the same situation, not really. I... I didn't know, when I told you - and I, I don't know, I thought you would understand - I thought I could trust you with it -" 

"You can!" Alex interjected, and John swallowed hard. "When I said you can tell me anything, I meant it. I... I let my own past and frustrations get the better of me, but someone told me that I should try listening more. That's why I'm here... I want to know you, and your story. So... If you want to, you can tell me, and I will listen to everything." 

John finally broke eye contact, lifting his eyes to the ceiling to fight back the tears burning behind his lashes. He has tried trusting Alex with this once and it ended with him getting yelled at, was he ready to try again. John wasn't sure how long he stared at the ceiling internally debating, long enough that his tears subsided and when he looked back down Alex was still there. Sitting, waiting, watching him patiently. He hadn't said anything more, he wasn't drumming his fingers across the table as he tended to do when anxious or impatient. He was waiting, for John to be ready. This whole time, he had been waiting for John - to be ready to go out for coffee, to get lunch, to invite him over. He had patiently waited until John was ready to let him in, and even now, even after over a week of not talking, he was still waiting - for John to give him a second chance. John took a slow breath, because Alex didn't wait for things. He was always in a rush, always wanted everything done then and there. He was weeks ahead of schedule at all times, he pre-ordered books so he would get them as soon as they were released, he snapped at waiters (until John had properly scolded him, he has stopped that one). But Alex was waiting _for him._

_"_ I did leave," John started, voice quiet, and Alex leaned forward imperceptibly to listen. "Not Frances, I left Martha - I guess, it was more of... I never saw her again. After we hooked up, I- I realized it couldn't change me, that I wasn't the perfect, heterosexual son my dad wanted, so I kind of... Went into hiding, from myself, and from the rest of the world, especially from Martha. That night was the first and last time I so much as spoke to her, so I... I had no idea she was pregnant." John was afraid to look up at Alex, afraid that he'd find that same sense of judgment from the last time he tried to tell him this. He kept his eyes trained on the droplets of coffee that had gathered around the rim of his cup. "Fast forward five years and a few months, and I have a social worker at my door telling me that Martha Manning has passed away and she wants me to take custody of her - our daughter. I- I'm surprised she remembered me, honestly, but she did. And I'm Frances's last living kin, so it was either I take her or she's put into the system - I'm sure it's not as bad as people make it out to be, but I just... I don't think I could have lived with myself if I had just-" 

"I was wrong." Alex sounded decisive and regretful, and John finally looked up to see the apologetic look in his eyes. "You're not a coward, you're... that was really brave, and I'm so sorry that I said those things to you-" 

"I had a pretty shit father, too," John continued. "I understand where you were coming from, and... and I can't say for sure that it wouldn't have happened had I known back then because I was just a third year in college, and still had to go to med school, and in all honesty a pretty shitty person - but now? I would do anything for Frances, I wish I could've done more for Martha..." 

Alex's hand was over his and John looked surprised, turning his hand over and intertwining their fingers when Alex started to pull back. "I should have let you tell me all of that before," he admitted softly. "I... I can’t say I’m sorry enough, really, I judged you way too harshly- and entirely wrong… Thank you for trusting me with that.” 

John landed soundly in Alex’s embrace once again, his heart thrumming from the adrenaline of the risky drop. Alex’s touch calmed him, the soothing movement of his thumb rubbing circles over John’s skin where their hands still rest between them. John finally smiled, and Alex’s heart skipped at the sight of that wide, toothy grin back on John’s face. He missed that smile just as much as he missed John’s presence. 

* * *

 

 

“I still can’t believe you’re into Beyoncé,” Alex murmured into John’s curls, chuckling when John smacked at his bare chest. The laugh turned into a whine when John pulled himself out of Alex’s arms, “No, no no no, I take it back, come back.” 

John shook his head, sitting up and reaching for his phone across the bed. “Not until you show Bey some damn respect, Alexander.” 

Alex watched as John thumbed through his phone, tucking an arm behind his head as he took the moment to admire the man in bed next to him. It didn’t take them long to get back into what they had before their little disagreement — more of a miscommunication, really, and Alex made sure they had clear and open communication from that point on. John was special to him, there was no way he was going to let his own stubborn ways ruin this for him. They still hadn’t put a label on what they were, nothing further than ‘really good friends’ at least. They still went out sometimes, more often Alex would bring John lunch at work, and Alex had started taking shifts watching Frances after school to give Hercules and Lafayette a break. (Frances was more than excited about that.) But they didn’t shy away from a physical relationship _at all_ , though Alex still let John take the lead on that. He didn’t want to pressure John into anything he wasn’t ready for, but it really didn’t seem like that would be a problem. On the days that John didn’t work until a few hours after dropping Frances off, he’d spend those few hours at Alex’s apartment (read: in Alex’s bed, usually). They still hadn’t done much more than heavy making out, casual grinding, and a lot of napping (read: mostly napping, John is a very tired man), but Alex was completely okay with that. 

John looked up at Alex again as a slow, rhythmic tune started playing from his phone. Alex wasn’t familiar with the song, but he did recognize Beyoncé’s voice when she started singing a couple minutes in. Alex was still watching John, though, only paying attention to the music when John started mouthing the words along. He had shifted onto his knees, starting to dance along with the beat, and Alex needed a minute to burn this into his memory. John Laurens, gloriously shirtless, singing and dancing _in his bed._

“Maybe I could get into Beyoncé,” Alex pushed himself up, resting back against the headboard, as the beat changed along with John’s movements. They shifted from simply bouncing to more sensual, his lashes lowering as he looked over at Alex. John dropped his phone onto the mattress, moving back to Alex and straddling his lap and —  _has her music always been this sexual? Wait, no, is that seriously what you’re focusing on right now, Alex?_ No, because Alex had a lapful of John Laurens, hips twisting in time with the beat as he pressed closer to Alex, running his fingers down Alex’s arms, rolling his body against his partner’s. _Damn, since when could John move like this?_ Alex’s hands came to rest on John’s hips, resisting the temptation to pull them closer, a shiver running through him as John’s lips brushed over his jaw. 

_He Monica Lewinski’d all on my gown_

Alex snorted, regretting it instantly when John stopped and gave him a questioning look. “Shi- no, no, sorry. I just — the lyric—” John cut him off with a barking laugh, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss. Alex chased his lips, squeezing John’s hips before he moved off of his lap and scooped his phone back up, pausing the music. 

“I’ll try not to be insulted that you were still that focused on the music when I was trying to give you a lap dance,” John said, looking over at Alex with a teasing smile. 

“I -” Alex tried to argue, but John’s mouth was on his again, a deeper kiss this time. John knew how to get Alex to stop talking. 

“It’s okay, baby girl, I need to get to work anyway,” John murmured against his lips, giving him one last kiss before moving off the bed. Alex flushed at the name, it seemed to roll so easily off of John’s tongue, he almost didn’t catch it at all. He was surprised to find that he enjoyed it. John grabbed his shirt from where it had been discarded at the foot of the bed, tugging it over his head before he turned back to Alex. “Are you coming over for family dinner tonight?” It wasn’t until John turned back around that Alex noticed the actually _very_ noticeable bruise just over the collar of John’s shirt, his body heating up at the sight. He hadn’t even realized he’d left a mark on him, but _oh,_  that definitely made something twist in his gut. John, completely unaware, lifted a brow. "Alex?" 

"Yeah," Alex tore his eyes away from the hickey on John's neck, smiling at the man innocently. "Family dinner, your place, 6:30? Wouldn't miss it for the world." 

"Good," John grinned as he leaned down again, this time giving in when Alex nipped at his lower lip, letting him pull him closer and deepen the kiss. John let out a soft sigh as he turned his head, releasing a breathless laugh as Alex started kissing across his cheek instead, “ I‘ve got to go, darling. I’ll see you tonight." One more peck, and John disappeared through the door. As soon as Alex heard his front door shut, he dived for his own phone and immediately started looking up whatever he could find on Beyoncé. 

 

* * *

 

Family dinner was a new weekly tradition that Lafayette had decided to initiate. “Traditions are important,” he had insisted, as he took over John’s kitchen to begin preparing aforementioned dinner. “It gives a routine, something to look forward to, and let’s us all come together for one night a week to bond.” John sat on the counter watching Lafayette as he chewed on a baby carrot. He’d just gotten in from work, still completely dressed in his scrubs, including the annoying turtle neck he had to wear beneath them. It was starting to cool down, but it was still far too warm outside to be wearing turtle necks. John itched to get out of it, but his stomach won over and he had stopped in the kitchen for a snack before changing. “You are going to spoil your appetite, Laurens,” Lafayette sighed, snatching the pack of baby carrots from his friend’s hands. 

John pouted at the man, “Hey, I’ve had a long day, I want a sna—” The buzzer went off in the living room before John had the chance to finish his argument, and he could hear Hercules crossing the room to press the button and allow their guest to come up. John hopped off the counter, carrots forgotten in favor of this new arrival, and Lafayette chuckled at his friend’s eagerness. 

“Hey, Herc,” Alex was already coming through the door when John got into the living room, bright smile on his face as he caught John walking in. “Told you I’d be here.” John crossed the room in two long strides, greeting Alex with a peck on the lips and ignoring Hercules cooing off to their side. John did take a step back when he heard Frances’s footsteps barreling into the room, a cry leaving her mouth that sounded like it was supposed to form Alex’s name but didn’t quite make it. Alex dropped to a squat, holding his arms out to envelope the girl in a hug as soon as she got close enough. “Hey, Frances! How was your day, sweetie?” 

John’s chest swelled as he watched the scene before him, Frances pulling out of the embrace to start excitedly telling Alex about the drawings she and Lafayette had done after school. “Do you wanna see?!” She asked, grabbing at one of his hands and bouncing on her toes. Alex nodded and she let go of his hand again, holding up a finger, “Okay, wait here!”, before she bolted back out of the room. Alex stood back up as she left, looking back over to John. 

“Laf’s in the kitchen, preparing this glorious family dinner,” John informed him. “I need to go change out of these, so I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home.” 

When John returned to the living room, in a much more comfortable t-shirt, he found Alex had settled down onto the couch, Frances in his lap and animatedly explaining the drawing she had made earlier. Hercules sat across the room in an armchair, flipping through a fashion magazine with an intense gaze, and he could hear Lafayette still pattering around in the kitchen. He smiled a little to himself as his eyes swept over the room, full of his friends and family, happy and together. He moved to sit on the couch next to Frances and Alex, pressing close to Alex’s side just as Lafayette finally came out of the kitchen with his hands up. 

“The lasagna is in the oven,” he declared, moving to stand in front of the small window unit A/C that hummed across the room. “ _Merde, il fait chaud.”_

Alex snorted softly, watching their friend and shaking his head. “The frenchman making Italian in a Hispanic household, beautiful.” Lafayette shot Alex a glare, an argument on the tip of his tongue, but his focus remained on cooling off after being in the sweltering heat of the kitchen so he turned away. Frances, realizing she had lost Alex’s attention, dropped her drawing onto the couch next to him and turned to crawl into John’s lap instead. 

“I missed you when I was at school, daddy,” she told him, leaving a sticky kiss on his cheek. John ruffled her hair, giving the girl a bright smile to match her own. 

“I missed you, too, baby girl. How was school today?” 

Rather than an answer, Frances let out a loud gasp that caught the entire room’s attention, her eyes trained on John’s collarbone. “Daddy, what _happened_?!”  John’s brows knit together in confusion, reaching up absentmindedly and pressing his hand over the spot her eyes were trained on. A small spot did feel a little tender beneath his finger tips, and his face flushed as he remembered that morning, and Alex’s mouth working over the skin, biting and sucking along the overheated flesh until John was writhing against him. Frances’s confirmed his worst fears, “You gots a boo-boo on your neck! Did somebody hurt you?!” Lafayette and Hercules burst into laughter at the same moment, earning a glare from John and a confused and concerned look from Frances. John turned his glare onto Alex next to him, his eyes screaming, _I told you not to leave a mark._ Alex was wearing a shit-eating grin, far too pleased with himself when he shrugged, _oops?_

“No, sweetheart,” John finally sighed, earning Frances’s attention back. “Nobody hurt me.” 

“Then what happened?” Frances stared at the mark, perplexed and worried. If it weren’t the single most embarrassing moment of his life, as his friends snickered around him, he would find her concern endearing. 

“I, um… I must have tripped, or something,” he tried, knowing it was a weak excuse but she was _five_. It only made the other three men laugh harder and John tried to burrow himself deeper into the couch. 

“Yeah, right onto Alex’s mouth,” Hercules muttered, hiding his face behind the pages of his Vogue magazine. Lafayette smacked at his arm, though he still sniggered behind his own hand. Frances turned her shocked face onto Alex, her expression turning to something angrier and accusatory. 

“ _Alex_! Did you hurt my daddy?” She frowned and Alex immediately stopped laughing, shaking his head and stuttering over his own words as he tried to defend himself. Lafayette buried his face into Hercules’s shoulder, his sides aching. John was already planning a way to get back at them, but for now he needed to get that threatening look out of his daughter’s eyes. 

“No, no, Frances, baby, nobody hurt me. Daddy’s fine,” he repeated, running a hand carefully through her curls. Frances still looked unsure as she looked between Alex and the dark mark on her father’s collar bone. She finally stopped shooting hard looks at Alex, instead pursing her lips and staring at the bruise. 

“I makes it better,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to the palm of her hand and then putting her hand over the mark. John chuckled, dropping a kiss to her forehead. 

“Thank you, baby girl.” Frances tucked her head under John’s chin, burrowing closer to his chest as if her presence alone could prevent any more ‘harm’ coming to her father. Lafayette made a sound from across the room, something between an ‘aww’ and another laugh, and it took everything in John not to flip him the bird. He did direct his next comment at the two men across the room, “Y’all are toxic, why do I keep you around?” 

“Because we love you, _mon ami_ ,” Lafayette supplied, and John was about to shoot back a retort but Alex had leaned in not even a second later to murmur into his ear, “He’s right we do.” And that caught John off-guard enough to keep him from saying anything, his face heating up. Lafayette continued as if that exchange had not just happened, though all John could think about was that Alex just implied that he _loved him_. And John was more okay with it than he thought he should be. “And you love us. _But_ , if we’re being honest, we’re mostly using you for Frances.” 

Frances perked up at her name, turning to beam at Lafayette before settling back against John’s chest. Lafayette slid into the chair next to Hercules, resting his cheek against the man’s broad shoulder as his eyes skimmed over the glossy pages of the magazine as well. He whispered quiet comments under his breath, pointing to various pages and making Hercules laugh every once in a while. John smiled to himself, one arm draped loosely over Frances’s back, the other snugly squished between Alex’s body and his own, and he let himself lean into Alex a little more, resting his head against the other’s shoulder. Alex’s immediate reaction was to move his arm around John’s shoulders, moving his arm carefully so he didn’t jostle John or Frances. John couldn’t imagine being anywhere else than right there, in that moment, in a room full of everyone he loved and the warm scent of Lafayette’s lasagna wafting in from the oven. 

“Uncle Laf,” Frances’s small voice broke the comfortable silence of the room as she shifted to look across at Lafayette and Hercules better, Lafayette looking up at her with a soft smile and a quiet hum. “Are you an’ uncle Herc kissin’ friends?” 

Lafayette chuckled and nodded, “Indeed we are, Frances.” He pressed a sweet kiss to Hercules’s cheek as if he needed to prove it.

Frances grinned, tilting her head to look up at Alex and John. “Daddy, is Alex your kissin’ friend?” John should have anticipated the question, but he still hesitated, glancing up at Alex, who’s face had actually started turning a light shade of pink. _But you were fine when they were taunting me over the hickey you gave me_ , John thought, not actually bitter. He started to nod slowly, looking back at Frances. 

“Yeah, he is.” John thought he heard Alex’s breath hitch, but it was so quiet he may have completely made it up in his head. Frances’s grin widened and a moment later, seemingly over establishing who was ‘kissing friends’ with who, she climbed down from John’s lap and moved over to Hercules and Lafayette, asking to look at the magazine with them. 

“Kissing friends, huh?” Alex’s voice was quiet and right next to John’s ear, it sent a shiver down John’s spine. He shrugged a shoulder, going for nonchalance as he tilted his head to look up at Alex. 

“We’re friends, and we kiss,” he stated, slowly, and his mind was carefully turning over the next part of his statement. He reached across Alex’s lap, taking his free hand in both of his own and toying with his fingers as he continued, “However, we’re also both… boys, and friends… so…” He stopped, swallowing thickly and wincing at his own awkward wording. 

Alex’s laugh was soft, not teasing or mean-spirited, but more of a surprised huff. “John Laurens, is this your way of asking me to be your boyfriend?” 

“It… might be,” John bit the corner of his lip. “I… Frances is still my number one priority, but I — you — I care about you, a lot, and I — I don’—” Alex extracted his hand from John’s, and John started to panic but in the next moment Alex was lifting his chin until John had to meet his eyes again and one look into those warm, dark pools of amber chased any sense of panic out of John’s mind. 

“I would love to be your boyfriend, John,” Alex pressed their lips together, but they were both grinning too hard for it to be a proper kiss. Hercules cleared his throat loudly across the room, and John heard Lafayette snicker again and mutter under his breath, “And this is how your daddy got that boo-boo on his neck.” 

“ _Laf_ ,” John turned his head to glare at the man, but his smile betrayed him and Lafayette’s laugh chimed through the room as he stood up. 

“I’m going to check on the lasagna, dinner should be ready soon,  _mes amours._ ”

Family dinner soon turned into a twice a week tradition, then grew into three times a week, and continued until nearly every night ended with the five of them sitting around John’s living room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merde, il fait chaud = Shit, it's hot.   
> mes amours = my loves   
> (again, still learning French, don't be afraid to correct me if i'm wrong, I will appreciate the hell out of it) 
> 
> \--
> 
> You're welcome, I decided y'all could use some sweet, fluffy joy. I don't even know when John started liking Beyoncé, but boy he was into it when I started this chapter. First one to guess what I headcanon John's fav Beyoncé is wins something. A hug? One free prompted drabble? Idk. 
> 
> I know I say this every chapter, but I hope it's not losing meaning because I mean it so much when I say, THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading and commenting and leaving kudos. Your comments and kudos mean so much to me, I go back and re-read them when I'm feeling down, you all have a very special place in my heart so keep letting me know what you think. Thank you so much again, I never expected this fic to actually get this kind of attention. 
> 
> If you wanna talk Hamilton, headcanons, or anything at all really, find me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan
> 
> (Also gonna throw out that I do take prompts, so if you have any, come at me, let's go, I'm ready)


	11. we'll bleed and fight for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Laurens Family (Short) Temperament comes into play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, HELLO! It's been an exciting weekend, so to round it off I thought I'd throw out an update! (Also, I met Lin at the Hamiltome signing and all I could do when I got home was listen to the Hamilton soundtrack which led to me writing - so, here we are.) And we're at another 3 AM update simply because my roommate and I have been watching Disney Channel movies and having a war with laser guns for the past 3 hours - but we made it! 
> 
> Anyway, grab a toy laser gun because no one is safe from this battle, and enjoy this chapter!

One thing that Frances Laurens definitely shared with her father was a short temper. Frances didn’t like Jane, Mary, or Lucy - the three girls that had been taunting her since the first day. Frances tried to take Mrs. Reynolds’s advice and stay away, but they always found a way to corner her and start taunting her about something. They typically stuck to making fun of her hair, a mess of curls no matter how many times she asked John to brush it for her in the mornings. She had started asking John to put it into a ponytail or pigtails, hoping that if it wasn’t down they couldn’t find a reason to make fun of it. They couldn’t, but they just moved on to tease her about her freckles. Frances couldn’t figure out a way to get rid of those, and had told Alex about it one afternoon when he picked her up from school. 

“They keep sayin’ my face is full of cooties,” Frances pouted, catching her own reflection in a building as they walked past and glaring at the dark freckled skin she found. Alex stopped, kneeling down to her level. 

“There is nothing wrong with your face, Frances,” he assured her, feeling his own anger flare at the thought of kids taunting the little girl. Frances’s eyes welled up, her lip trembling a little. 

“But it’s fulla spots. They keep sayin my spots is cooties,” she whispered. Alex cupped her face gently, making the girl look up at him, and wiped away a falling tear with the pad of his thumb. 

“Your freckles?” He frowned. “They’re just jealous that they don’t have such adorable freckles, you know? You and your dad have the best faces, completely cootie free, just covered in these lovely little spots - it's like you have a universe full of stars on your skin. Isn't that so cool?" Alex was smiling by that point, and Frances brought her fingers to press over her cheeks. 

"Stars?" She asked, her voice small. 

Alex nodded, "It's like the sky kissed you and left constellations all over your face." He gasped a little, pointing to a space on her left cheek. "I think I found the Little Dipper." 

Frances giggled, smacking Alex's hand away. "You're silly." 

"No, the only silly ones are those girls that are jealous that you got the stars," Alex straightened back up, holding his hand out to the girl. "Why don't we go get some froyo? You up for it?"

Frances wasn't hurt by the assault on her freckles anymore, she trusted Alex and what he said more than what those girls at school said. No, now she was just frustrated. Jane came up behind her on the playground, taunting her about her "cootie face" as she was climbing the steps to the slide. Frances tried to take Hercules's advice and just ignore her, but the more Jane taunted her the higher her voice got and the less Frances could block it out. Finally, she turned on the girl sharply, brows drawn and fists curled at her sides. 

"I don't have a cootie face! Alex says the stars kissed me and left the consolations!" Frances shouted, stomping her foot. Jane seemed delighted with this new slip of information, her voice never letting up on the teasing tone. 

"Who's Alex?" She sing-songed, hands clasped behind her back and lips spread into a wicked smile. 

"He's my daddy's kissin friend," Frances told her proudly. "And he says my freckles is perfect, and _not_ cooties."

Jane scrunched up her nose, "Like a _boy_ friend? Your daddy can't have a boyfriend." 

Frances pouted, "Yeah-huh." 

"Nuh-uh," Jane crossed her arms. "Boys can only have girlfriends, it's un-national accordin to _my_  daddy." 

"Well your daddy's a butt face," Frances huffed. Jane's eyes flared with anger and one of her hands shot out, shoving at Frances's shoulder hard. 

"Nuh-uh!" She cried, glaring at the other girl. Frances stumbled, her own temper flaring up, and this was part of Hercules's advice she could listen to. 

_'If they lay a hand on you, it's okay to punch them back.'_  

Frances shoved Jane right back, causing the girl to stumble back into one of the walls encasing the platform they were standing on. Jane grabbed her shoulder, looking up at Frances with shocked, watery eyes and Frances felt a shock of fear run through her just seconds before Jane started crying and running down the steps, "MR. LEE! Frances hurt me!" 

 

* * *

 

John bit into the impressively not soggy sandwich Alex had brought him for lunch, trying to focus on the papers in front of him but finding it difficult to concentrate with Alex running his foot over the inside of his calf, slowly moving higher and higher. John sighed, looking at Alex across the table, who now peeked innocently over the top of the book he had been reading. 

"You're a pain," John stated. Alex smirked, his foot brushing up against John's inner thigh. 

"I don't know what you mean." 

John shook his head and looked back down to his papers. Lately, John had found himself swamped with cases that led to him having to study them through any break in time he had, including his lunches with Alex. Alex didn't complain, he would never complain about John's work, he just started bringing his own book to read while they shared the hour together. Alex still wouldn't complain, but it had been nearly a week since he had seen John anytime  _but_  lunch and he couldn't help that he was getting a little... 

"Are you thirsty?" John had closed one of his files, pushing himself back from the table with his own empty cup in one hand, the other reaching out for Alex's. 

"Parched." Alex replied, but he didn't let John take his cup. Instead, he took John's hand and stood up, pulling him away from their half-eaten lunch and toward the doors of the mostly empty cafeteria. 

"Alex, what are you-?" John didn't need an answer after the heated look Alex shot him, and he scrambled to at least grab his files and drop them off at the front desk so he could retrieve them later. John let himself be led down a familiar hall, feeling like he was in high school and sneaking into the janitor's closet for a quickie during a pep rally. Not that John had ever done that before. And this time it was a hospital supply closet that he was pulled into, Alex pressing him up against the door as their lips met in a feverish kiss. "This is-"

"Unprofessional, probably really inappropriate," Alex continued for him, trailing his lips over John's cheek, down his jaw. "But, you see, I've always had this thing for doctors. So, this is like a wet dream come true for me." To make his point even clearer, he fisted his hands into the soft fabric of John's scrubs as he brought their mouths together again. John was quickly losing the battle, giving in to Alex's kisses and bringing his arms around his lover's waist to pull him even closer. Alex sucked John's lower lip into his mouth, scraping his teeth over it until John let out a long whine and his hips rocked into Alex's. Alex would have smirked had he not found his lips otherwise occupied once John completely let go, licking into Alex's mouth and gripping at his hips. 

A sharp tune cut through the air, John's phone buzzing in his pocket and he almost didn't pull away to answer it. Alex groaned when he did, shaking off John's apology and instead pulling the collar of John's shirt down and working his mouth over his neck. 

"Hello?" John answered his phone, trying to keep his voice even and unaffected by Alex's lips pulling at his skin. "This is John Laurens... Is she okay?" 

John's brows knit together in concern and he pushed at Alex's shoulder, the other man taking the signal and stepping back, watching John with his own concern growing. 

"I'm at work until after... Can I? ... Okay, someone will be there soon... I'll be there as soon as I get out... I am sorry, I hope we can sort this out... Yes, I'll speak with you later, Mr. Lee. Thank you." 

"What's up?" Alex asked as soon as John hung up, already going through his contacts to find another number. 

“Frances got into a fight, she’s okay but they’re sending her and the other girl home for the rest of the day,” John explained. “So, someone needs to get Frances… maybe Laf can watch her until…” 

“I can get her," Alex cut in, already straightening his own clothes and hair. “I'm not doing anything for the rest of the day really, just some writing. She can stay with me." 

John looked up, surprised, “Really?” 

“Of course,” Alex gave him a soft smile and John realized he really shouldn’t have been surprised. Alex had almost taken to keeping Frances after school more often than Hercules. “Would you rather I take her to yours or mine?”

“It doesn’t matter,” John shook his head, dropping his phone back into his pocket before placing a much sweeter kiss on Alex’s lips. “I have to meet with her teacher when I get off, but I’ll text you. Thank you.” Alex leaned in for another peck, his eyes sweeping down John's body and smirking when he found an obvious tenting in his scrubs. 

"I should go," he said in a low voice, pulling John away from the door and closer to his body. He turned them suddenly, dropping another kiss to his cheek. "And you should probably... calm down. I'll see you later." Alex slipped out of the door just as John’s face flushed and he tugged at the bottom of his shirt. 

 

* * *

 

“Mr. Laurens,” Lee’s voice was grating on John’s last nerve, he was tired and all too ready to go home. “So nice of you to finally join us.” 

“Sorry, I had a teenager with a potentially life threatening head injury to save,” John didn’t hide the annoyance in his voice as he entered the classroom. Lee stood behind his desk, another man sitting across from him with his back to John. After Alex left, the ER got much busier, and John had been on his feet dealing with patients and other doctors for the past six hours. He was an hour late for this parent-teacher conference, but at least he had called Lee in the two minutes he had around the time he was supposed to be leaving. 

“Mr. Laurens, this is Mr. Jefferson,” Lee pushed on, ignoring John’s (fake) apology. “He’s Jane’s father.” Lee sighed at John’s confused expression. “Jane is the girl Frances assaulted earlier today.” John winced at the use of the word ‘assault’ but nodded, moving closer to the desk and holding his hand out to Jefferson. 

“Nice to meet you.”

Jefferson stared at his hand for a few long seconds before finally shaking it, loosely, and dropping it once more to turn back to Lee. “I can’t say the same given the circumstances.” Jefferson not so subtly wiped his hand on his pants as John took the empty chair next to him, trying to keep his temper even. Their children had gotten into a fight earlier, and while John was 90% sure it was initiated by Jane (after reading over Alex’s re-telling of the story he’d gotten from Frances on the train ride over), he figured the man had a right to be upset. 

“Now, Mr. Laurens,” Lee turned to John, face stern, and John felt like he was back in school being lectured for hooking up in the janitor’s closet. (Again, not that he _had_.) “As I am sure you’re already aware, we have a Zero Tolerance policy here. What Frances has done is absolutely inexcusable and she will be punished accordingly.”

John nodded. “Of course, I understand. What will the girls’ punishment be?” 

“Frances will be suspended for two days, and given an additional two days of in-school suspension.” Lee stated firmly. “And she will be on probation for the remainder of the month, if we have another incident I’m afraid we will have to request her removal from our institution.” 

John swallowed, nodding once, “Alright.” He glanced at the man to his side and back to Lee, “Will Jane be receiving the same punishment?” 

Lee shook his head slowly, “Jane will not be receiving a punishment, Mr. Laurens. She was the victim—”

John scoffed and both Lee and Jefferson looked taken aback by the reaction. “I’m sorry, with all due respect, but I guess now’s as good a time as any, Jane and her friends have been picking on Frances since they started school. I understand Frances’s punishment for pushing her, but I don’t understand why Jane isn’t being punished as well.” 

“Mr. Laurens, there has been no proof of Jane and her friends doing any such—” 

“Proof?!” John nearly shot out of his chair, but stayed still, fingers clenched around the arms of the chair. “Where’s your _proof_  that Frances pushed the other kid, then? She couldn’t have left a mark on her.” 

“There were witnesses—”

“And there have been ‘witnesses’ to my daughter being _bullied_ , I’m sure there were some today. Frances wouldn’t act out unless provoked—”

Jefferson’s nostrils flared as he finally turned to John, eyebrows drawn together, “My Jane would not provoke such behavior. She comes from a wholesome, upstanding family, unlike your daughter—”

“What do you mean ‘unlike my daughter’?” John spat, feeling his anger rising. A headache was already forming in the center of his skull and his fingers ached from how hard he was gripping the sides of the chair. He moved his hands into his lap, balled into fists. 

“From what my Jane has said, Francine—”

“ _Frances_.” 

“— has been telling the kids about you and your… _partner_.” Jefferson crinkled his nose at the final word, tilting his head back just enough to look down his nose at John, who was finding it harder to keep his calm. 

“You mean, my _boyfriend_?” He could see Jefferson _and_ Lee flinch imperceptibly at the word and he ground his teeth together. 

“I suppose this _is_ New York, but I would prefer my child not be exposed to such…” Jefferson trailed off, waving a hand dismissively in John’s direction. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, John thought, shooting to his feet.

“Look, I completely agree to Frances being punished for pushing your kid, but it takes two to fight. The fact that I’m _gay_ and in a happy, committed relationship with another _man_  is not what led Frances to act out,” John’s voice rose as he continued, until he was nearly yelling at the other two men. “Frances has come home complaining about being bullied since she started school here, and she has told both _you_ , Mr. Lee, and Mrs. Reynolds about what these girls have been saying to her. Now it’s escalated to physical violence and you’re _still_ not going to do anything about it? That is, pardon my French, but that is some _goddamn bullshit_.” 

“That is an insult to the French,” Jefferson muttered. John was sure it was the smug tone that set him off more than the actual words, but in an instant he was drawing his arm back. 

 

* * *

 

Alex poured a tray of ice into a plastic bag, wrapping it in a towel before he rested it over John’s bruised knuckles on the kitchen table. Frances sat in John’s lap, resting her head against his shoulder. She hadn’t been in a good mood since Alex had picked her up, she was uncharacteristically quiet all day, just sitting and watching something on Alex’s phone while he worked on his writing. 

“Did you really punch Thomas Jefferson in the face?” Alex had been far too delighted at that bit of the story John had told him. John nodded, resting his cheek against the top of Frances’s head. “Oh, John Laurens, I have never been more proud to be your boyfriend. I can’t wait to see what Jefferson says about this sh- _stuff_ on Twitter, oh and when I tell him _I’m_ your boyfriend.” Alex sat down across from him, squeezing John’s forearm gently after coming down from his own high at Jefferson’s misfortune. John didn’t mind, he hadn’t even realized who the guy was when he punched him — He felt a little better about it after he realized who he was, honestly. Now, Lee… Lee was a terrible educator, but he probably didn’t exactly _deserve_ the punch John served him. “So,” Alex’s voice drew his attention back to the present. “You punched a teacher and another parent, what happens now?” 

“I’m pulling Frances out tomorrow,” John tightened his arm around her middle and Frances, feeling the tension in her father’s body, tried to nuzzle even closer to him, hugging him around the waist. She wasn’t sure if she was happy to hear that she was being taken out of school or not, at least she wouldn’t have to see any of those girls again. “I’ll start enrolling her into a public school next week, and hopefully her next school will be a little better.” 

“Do you need someone to watch Frances the rest of this week?” Alex asked immediately, looking between John and his daughter. “I’m pretty much just working from home this week, I can take care of her.” 

John nodded slowly, dropping a kiss to the top of Frances’s head. “How’s that sound, sweetie? Do you want to stay with Alex this week?” 

Frances made a small sound of affirmation, keeping her face buried in the fabric of John’s shirt. John rubbed her back. 

“Thank you, Alex,” he said softly, offering the other man a tight smile. 

“Daddy?” Frances’s voice was small, muffled against John’s shirt, and he tilted his head to look at her with a hum. “My heart doesn’ feel good.” John and Alex shared a look of panic, both sitting up straighter and looking at the girl. 

“What do you mean?” John tried to keep his voice calm, he didn’t want the girl to panic or make her feel worse. Frances sat up just enough to point to her chest. 

“It hurts here,” she murmured. John adjusted his hold on her, knocking the bag of ice off of his other hand before standing up and settling her on his hip. 

“Alright, baby girl,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’re gonna get you to the doctor then, okay?” 

Frances just rested her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck as John carried her out of the apartment, Alex on their heels, all of them trying not to worry as they made their way to the hospital. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOPS. 
> 
> Comments & Kudos give me life through these trying times as we approach finals. So, let's try to push through to the end of this together before those hit. (I've held off saying it, but I do think we are approaching the end of this story now.) 
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr: @hypeulesnochilligan


	12. we'll give the world to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frances is back in the hospital, Alex is insistent, and John has a realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey, hey. Beautiful people. This is it. We've reached the final stop. I'll get mushy and lovey for y'all in the end notes. Right now I just wanna give a huge thanks to my friend Bri for reading this chapter over for me, I wanted it to be perfect for y'all and I really hope it is. 
> 
> Let's just grab some tissues and enjoy the chapter, yeah?

John had been alone for years, but never had he noticed the absences in his life until he was sitting alone in the hospital waiting room. Frances was just behind a set of double doors that John had gone through so many times in the past, but he couldn't bear to imagine what was happening behind them right now. He wrung his hands together, trying to keep his calm, trying to ignore the concerned looks he was receiving from the nurses. They had seen him every day, but always as a capable physician, never as the mess of a worried father he was now. And despite these concerned faces, he was _alone._

Just yesterday he had been in another wing of the hospital, pressed against a supply closet door with his boyfriend's warm mouth over his own. That was less than 24 hours ago, when he got a phone call from the school, when Alex left to pick Frances up. Less than 24 hours since he punched Charles Lee and Thomas Jefferson in the face. Less than 24 hours since he and Alex rushed Frances to the hospital, placed her into the arms of a trusted colleague, and waited. Waited for what felt like hours, days, _centuries_ for someone to come back to them. Frances's health declined rapidly once they had gotten to the hospital, her chest pains turning into sharp pains throughout her body, her heart pumping too hard and too fast, and they pushed him out of the room. John knew it was necessary, knew they had hit the point of getting everyone that wasn't needed  _out_ so they could take care of her, but it didn't change the helpless feeling in his gut or the rage that twisted in his chest at being torn away from his sick daughter. 

Alex called Lafayette and Hercules, they both promised to be there as soon as they could. John told them it wasn't necessary, that he would keep them updated but they shouldn't take time out of their day, that they didn't need to waste their moments sitting here, waiting, like he would. Surprisingly, they listened. Lafayette recognized the tone in John's voice, he had known the man long enough to realize when John needed his space, when it was best to leave him alone. It didn't stop them from sitting at home together, fretting over the smallest things as they waited for a phone to ring and give them more information. 

Alex did not have the luxury of knowing John for more than a couple of months, and he had not learned John and his usual needs. He sat next to John the entire time, holding his hand and offering himself as any kind of support, but he had no idea what he could do for his partner. He did not recognize John's tendency to push people away, to handle things on his own, and to a point neither had John. He let Alex hold his hand, relished in the feeling of the man’s thumb tracing calming patterns over his skin for a moment, but ultimately felt a sense of annoyance grow as time ticked on. 

A doctor came out nearly two hours after their arrival, the very same that Dolley had referred Frances to after her initial check up. 

"Mr. Laurens," it sounded too formal, he could recognize the tone. It was a tone they had all worked to perfect while they were still residents like John. It was a tone that made John's heart drop and his stomach churn. "We've found another abnormality with Frances's heart." John swallowed thickly. Alex's hand squeezed his own and he quickly tore it away, balling his hands up at his sides as he gave the doctor one simple nod to continue. He wasn't paying attention, though, as the man continued to explain the complications. All John could think about was his daughter, lying somewhere on a bed back there, alone and confused and in pain. Three words caught his attention again, "Open heart surgery." 

"... you want to cut her open? She's five, you want to perform an open heart surgery?" John's brows turned up in confusion, and concern, his breath leaving in a huff, a ghost of a laugh, when the doctor nodded. 

"We can fix this, and ensure Frances a long and healthy life. We've caught it early, we have expert surgeons that have performed this surgery dozens of times. This may be the only way to guarantee your daughter the chance at a normal life." John took a steadying breath, still felt light headed and dizzy as he was handed a clipboard that detailed the operation. 

That was how John ended up spending the night in the hospital. He still had to wait a few hours before he could actually see Frances, which set him on edge. He didn't want Frances to go through this alone, he was used to it but she didn't need to be. 

Alex yawned loudly at his side, John shut his eyes and took calming breaths before Alex's soft voice broke his concentration. 

"I'm going to get coffee, do you want anything?" John shook his head and Alex stood up, stretching a little before turning toward the hall he thought would lead him to that strange little machine he saw earlier. Like a vending machine for coffee, it was _genius_. He wondered if he could have one installed in his own home, or at least get one at the office, Washington was an amazing boss but he always forgot to make a new pot of coffee when he took the last cup.

“You should go home, Alex, get some rest.” 

Alex paused, turning to John with brows drawn and lips pursed. "I'm fine." 

“It's late." John didn’t look up, eyes trained on the tiles beneath his feet. His white shoes were scuffed a bit, but nowhere near as worn as Alex’s vans that were sporting a hole just over his big toe. 

"I've stayed up far later." 

"You don't need to be here." 

Alex stepped closer to John, close enough that John could reach out and touch him but not to the point that John felt crowded. His voice was soft, John could feel his eyes boring into his head. John still didn’t look up. “I know. I want to be... Do you not want me here?" He could already see the hurt crossing Alex’s face. Could hear it in Alex’s voice a moment later.

“John?”

John didn’t want to hurt Alex, and in part didn’t really want Alex to leave but there was a greater sense of guilt over having him there. Alex had better things to do, he had told John about plenty of work he needed to get done earlier in the day, he didn’t need to be sitting in a hospital waiting room with him. John had been alone for years, he could handle himself. His voice sounded hollow as he repeated himself, “You don’t need to be here.”

Alex watched John for a long moment, silently begging him to look up but he didn’t. His shoulders dropped and he started to turn away again, running a hand through his hair. “Okay… well, I’m just a phone call away if you need me. Alright?” John’s head barely bounced in recognition and Alex had to hold back a disappointed sigh, he wasn’t sure what had happened but he never argued with John. He turned to leave, his vans squeaking against the tile as he made his way out of the waiting area, leaving John alone. And all too aware of the silence around him, save for his own thumping heart and the quiet tick of the clock on the wall. 

Not long after Alex left a nurse approached him, led him through the double doors to Frances’s room. Frances was half-asleep, but she tried to sit up when John walked into the room. He sat on the edge of her bed, stroking her hair back and urging her back down. 

“Daddy, ‘m scared,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and John reached for a cup of water next to her bed. She took a couple of sips, turned her head away until John sat the cup back on the table. "Is my heart broked like mommy's?" 

John managed a sad smile, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "They're gonna fix it, baby girl. Don't you worry." 

 

* * *

 

Alex laid back on the floor of Lafayette and Hercules’s apartment, arms stretched out to his sides as he stared up at the ceiling. His mind was racing, running between budgets and plans for Washington but always returning to John and Frances and the surgery. He still felt a twinge in his chest when he remembered the way that John had told him to leave. He immediately made his way to Lafayette and Hercules, his apartment would feel too empty, too cold. Lafayette had tried to explain, told him that John preferred to deal with things alone.

“He definitely has a, what do you call it, Herc?” Lafayette turned to his partner, who had been focusing on a deep purple swatch of fabric since Alex had arrived. He tried to ask what Hercules was working on, but got no response, which left him a little surprised when Lafayette got a response from the man. 

“Our boy’s got a major guilt complex,” Hercules murmured, barely glancing up before he returned to his needlework. “Doesn’t wanna bother anyone, won’t let anyone help ‘im when he’s goin’ through somethin’.” 

“Exactly,” Lafayette nodded, turning back to Alex. “Don’t take it personally, _mon ami_. John cares for you, but he is afraid of becoming a burden.” 

Alex didn’t take it personally, but it didn’t help the worry that set in. How could John go through something like this alone? Frances was about to have open heart surgery, Alex wasn’t even sure _he_ was ready to handle that. His fingers tapped against the carpet, he wouldn’t let himself touch his phone because if he did he would probably end up texting John and Lafayette said they should leave John alone. _How can I just leave him alone through this?_  

Alex wasn't sure how much time had passed, he’s fairly certain he’d drifted at some point but startled awake when all three of their phones went off simultaneously. He dug his phone from his pocket just it vibrated a gentle reminder that he had a text, unlocking it and hearing Lafayette’s soft intake of breath across the room as he read through the text. 

**_From: Hot Doctor John:_ ** _No complications through the night. Taking her into surgery now. Will keep you updated._

Alex pulled himself into an upright position, finding Lafayette curled into Hercules’s side on the couch. Hercules was still dozing, the fabric he had been working with earlier neatly piled on the floor, but Lafayette was staring at his phone with wide eyes. Alex didn’t even try to keep his voice down for Herc’s sake, “They’re taking his _daughter_ into _surgery_ , are we seriously just going to sit here and let him sit in that hospital alone?” 

Lafayette pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, “Alexander, I want to be there for him, too, but—”

“No, no buts,” Alex pushed himself onto his feet, shoving his phone back into his pocket. 

“Alexander, he doesn’t want—”

“Maybe not, but he deserves the option. Maybe he changed his mind,” Alex grabbed his keys, turning back to Lafayette as he reached for the door. “Do you want to come, or stay here?” 

Lafayette glanced between Alex and Hercules’s still sleeping form, gnawing at the corner of his lip before letting out a loud sigh and shoving at Hercules shoulder. “Wake up, _mon amour_ , we’re going to the hospital.” Hercules grumbled, blinking his eyes open slowly and looking up at Laf, a soft “ _wha’?_ ” on his lips. “They just took Frances into surgery, we can’t just sit here, I’ll go mad. Let’s get to the hospital.” 

 

* * *

 

John stared at the clock, the second hand seemed to be moving through molasses, every minute ticking by and further fraying his nerves. Five minutes had passed since he sent the text to his friends, which means approximately eight minutes had passed since he watched the doctors wheel Frances toward the OR, already beginning to feel the effects from the anesthesia. He rocked back and forth in his seat, leg bouncing, eyes still glued on the clock, but his eyes were no longer focused on the slowly ticking second hand. He couldn’t focus on anything, or think of anything, but the fact that his daughter was having surgery right now. _They’re probably just about to start… They’ve got her under, they’re probably making the first incision…_ he dropped his head into his hands, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. He hadn’t slept a wink through the night, instead sitting by Frances’s bed and watching her doze in and out of sleep, holding her smaller hand in his, pressing calming kisses over her forehead when she looked up at him with fearful, teary eyes. 

“John!” 

The sound of his name pulled him out of his haze and he whipped his head around to find Alex, Lafayette, and Hercules entering the waiting area and rushing over to him. He tried to school his expression, clear it of worry so _they_  wouldn’t worry — it didn’t work, his brow was still creased with concern and he couldn’t rid himself of the perpetual frown that tilted his lips. “What are you guys doing here?” 

“We’re here for you,” Alex answered, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world, as he took the seat next to John. “And for Frances.” John was already beginning to shake his head. 

“It’s so early, guys, you don’t need to be here—”

“We want to be here.” Lafayette stated, voice firm as he placed a gentle hand on John’s shoulder and took the chair on his other side. “You can’t do everything on your own.” 

“I can,” John began to argue, but Alex cut him off, resting his hand over John’s knee. 

“But you don’t _need_  to.” Alex squeezed his knee when John sighed, another argument on the tip of his tongue but melted away as Alex’s lips pressed against his cheek. “John, whether you believe it or not, we _want_ to be here for you and Frances. Of course, if you want us to, we can leave—”

“But you’re not a bother or a burden, we love you. You don’t have to be alone.” Lafayette also leaned in to press a gentle kiss to John’s other cheek, though it didn’t make John’s skin jump as much as Alex’s. 

“And if it makes you feel any better,” Hercules added, standing in front of John with his hands stuffed into his pockets. He was obviously nervous, and John couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Hercules look anything but calm, cool, and collected. “This is just as selfish as it is selfless, because we’re all worried sick about our little girl.” A dry laugh passed John’s lips, and he had to admit it did make him feel a little better. They weren’t just here for him, he wasn’t completely wasting their time. 

“We are a family now, John Laurens, and we’re going to stick together even as shit goes through the fan,” Lafayette said confidently. 

“It’s ‘shit hits the fan’, Laf,” John corrected absentmindedly, his frown finally budging into the smallest of smiles. “I… thank you… You really don’t—”

“We do,” Lafayette interrupted him. Alex’s arm moved from John’s leg to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him close and kissing his curls, and Lafayette was on them in a minute. It became an awkward group hug, the arms of chairs getting in the way and all limbs at odd angles, but John was crowded by three people he couldn’t imagine his life without. He felt overwhelmed, and he was sure it was just the lack of sleep on top of the stress of Frances’s surgery, but he felt hot tears fall down his cheeks as he buried his face into the nearest shoulder he could find. Through a blur of actions he was transferred into Alex’s lap, curling into his chest as his tears stained his old t-shirt. Lafayette was rubbing his back, hushing him softly, and he could feel Hercules's presence still in front of them, effectively blocking the scene from anyone that may happen by, giving John a sense of privacy and security. Despite the tears and the stress weighing on his heart, he felt light. It was a bittersweet moment of realization, John had been alone for years, he knew how to handle himself, but he no longer _had to_. 

John wasn’t alone. He had friends, he had a _family_ again, no matter how small it seemed. 

 

* * *

 

John didn’t know how much time had passed, but he spent all of it curled up in Alex’s lap, lightly dozing off as fingers gently combed through his hair. He only moved when a doctor stepped out of the double doors, face mask untied and dangling around their neck. She looked as tired as John felt, but she smiled when John approached her, not even needing to ask before she updated him on the surgery. 

“It went well,” she started, and he could _feel_ the relief settle over him, the weight lift from his shoulders, and a fresh set of _relieved_ tears spring forward. He held them back, focusing back on her words as she continued. “Everything looks great, she will need to stay for a couple of days just so we can keep an eye on her while she recovers. But, we expect recovery to be quick. You’re welcome to come back and be with her.” Her eyes moved over John’s shoulder, catching the other three men trying to nonchalantly eavesdrop and failing miserably. “All four of you, if you’d like.” And John knew that was breaking a rule but he appreciated it, nodding and gesturing for the other three to follow as she led them toward Frances’s recovery room. 

Frances looked even smaller, lying under thick blankets and connected to several machines. The room was silent apart from the whirring of the various machinery and the steady, comforting beat of the heart monitor. He could see the bandage over her chest beneath the blankets, and now that he was finally seeing Frances again those tears finally fell from his eyes.

“Hey, baby girl,” he smiled. “How’re you feeling?” 

“Sleepy,” Frances murmured, lifting a fist to rub at her eye. “My chest’s sore.” She tilted her head down to find the bandage, frowning. 

“You just had surgery, it’s gonna be sore for a few days,” he tucked her hair behind her ear as she brought her eyes back up to him, full of hope as she spoke again, voice rough from sleeping. 

“Am I fixed?” 

John swallowed back tears, leaned his forehead against hers and let out a soft laugh, “Yes, baby, you’re all fixed up.” 

* * *

 

As the doctors expected, Frances’s recovery did go well. They had no complications, no trouble, and a week later Frances was released. John was granted a paid leave, he wasn’t going to question how anyone had managed that, just took advantage of it and stayed home with Frances while she continued to recover. Alex took to working at home more often, inviting John and Frances to come over whenever he did. His apartment was a bit bigger, it had two bedrooms, one of which Alex never really used. It quickly became a playroom for Frances, and where she would sleep on the nights that they would stay over. Those were becoming much more frequent. 

In fact, over the course of another six months, John and Frances were at Alex’s more than they were home. Alex lived closer to a subway stop than they did, which made it convenient once John went back to work. The new school Frances was enrolled in was only a couple of blocks away as well, and Lafayette and Hercules were fans of not having to go so far for family dinners when they held them at Alex’s. 

“You two should really just move in,” Alex sounded like he was half-joking, but it was more of a method of preserving his own pride in case John laughed at the thought. John didn’t. He turned his head, eyes searching Alex’s expression for any sign of a joke and finding nothing. He raised a brow. 

“Really?” 

Alex shrugged a shoulder, draping an arm across John’s shoulders. “Yeah, I mean, you basically already live here. You’ve said it yourself, the location is really convenient for your job and her school. It’s bigger, Frances gets her own room…” 

“You’re right,” John agreed. “Maybe we should.” 

“Should what, daddy?” Frances had just wobbled into the room, dragging one of her dolls by the arm and cradling two more against her chest.

“Alex just asked if we would come live with him.” John pulled her into his lap once she deposited her dolls onto the couch next to him. “What do you think?” 

Frances’s eyes lit up, mouth dropping open in a huge smile as she turned to look up at Alex. “Yeah! I wanna live with Alex!” She crawled out of her father’s lap and into Alex’s, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Alex, does this mean you’re gonna be my new mommy?” 

John laughed at his side as Alex looked at the girl, surprised. What does he say to that? “I—”

“More like a new daddy,” John supplied, and the blush that sparked over Alex’s cheeks matched the color that rose beneath John’s freckles. “I-I mean… if he… if that’s…” 

“I always thought I’d be more of a ‘papa’,” Alex finally said once he recovered, looking back down at Frances’s grinning face. 

The front door burst open, the energy in the room changing as Lafayette and Hercules strode in, arms weighed down with shopping bags. 

“ _Bonsoir,_ who is ready for the greatest dinner of your _life_?” Lafayette chirped, leaving Hercules to shut the door as he moved straight into the kitchen. 

“I thought last week was the greatest dinner of our lives?” John teased, he could practically hear Lafayette roll his eyes. 

“You are the worst, Laurens.” 

“It better be good,” Alex chimed in, looking between Frances and John. “Tonight we’re celebrating, Frances and John are officially moving in.” 

Rather than the _Oh, Congratulations!_  or something along those lines that they had been expecting, Lafayette came back into the room with a smug smile on his face, taking the bags from Hercules as he stuck his tongue out, “Told you it wouldn’t be much longer. You owe me.” 

“… did you bet on this?” John asked flatly. Lafayette tried to give him an innocent smile, practically skipping back into the kitchen. John sighed. “I don’t even want to know what the wager was.” 

“No, you don’t,” Hercules answered with a dark chuckle. “But let’s put it this way, I’m really not losing that much.” 

John scrunched his face up in disgust, shaking his head. “God, Herc, _no_.” Hercules’s booming laugh followed him into the kitchen, leaving John, Frances, and Alex alone on the couch. 

“What a great family you’ve chosen, Laurens,” Alex muttered, his lip still curled in response to Hercules’s response. John moved past it quickly, though, grinning at Alex’s words. _Family_. Something he’d thought he lost entirely. But somehow he had found a new one without even trying. 

John leaned in to kiss Alex’s cheek, resting his head on the other man’s shoulder, “Yeah, I think it is.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin. 
> 
> Thank you ALL so much for your wonderful comments and kudos and love and support through this fic. I really never expected it to get this kind of attention, I'm pleasantly surprised and thankful for all of you. And if you're super attached to Frances and the boys, don't worry because so am I - this isn't the last you'll see of this 'verse, I promise. And I am always open to prompts, so feel free to come hit me up on Tumblr if you wanna see something in the 'domestic life' 'verse. (@hypeulesnochilligan, come follow me, you're all too cool for me but we should be friends anyway.) 
> 
> Thank you so much again, I'm glad you've all stuck around through this story. Thank you to whoever sent that prompt into hamiltonprompts on Tumblr for inspiring this. 
> 
> (Also, c'mon, y'all, you really thought I - a limp noodle that cries over everything - could have left y'all with some terrible tragic ending where Frances is no more? Learn me. I live for happy endings and fluff, I just throw angst in because your tears are good for my skin. <3 )


	14. A Sequel?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a PSA in case some of you missed it

Hey y'all! 

If you weren't aware, Domestic Life has a new sequel! You may have kept up with 'where the resemblance stops' - which was a fun little piece, but I completely lost my muse with it and ran off-track. I took a break from writing fic as I sorted my life and priorities out, and through that I got inspired for a new sequel to domestic life! 

This one follows a sixteen year old Frances as she meets Theo, deals with the absence of her mother, loads of jealousy, and coming to terms with her sexuality! As always, you'll have the pleasure of seeing John and Alex be fathers, Laf and Herc be uncles _and new fathers_ , as well as Maria and Eliza and their son, Philip. 

Basically, if you liked Domestic Life, I encourage you to [check out the sequel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10884915/chapters/24187953), and I hope you'll like that just as much. 

yr obedient servant,

Pip


End file.
